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So this is Christmas - The Gay Christian Network

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This is a letter I sent a guy I met on the net whom he and I both share the fact we both have AIDS, and are trying to deal with it, because I consider you folks my "Family" -I am sharing it with you, not to bring anyone down, just pray for us, the war, the service people everywhere, and the people who can't understand why we are there, and the other people who are also are shut in's and are alone.

Please don't think I am asking for anything other then your prayers, no piety


Same here different pain.

I am not sure IF I am bi polar OR if that just makes it convenient for the Doctors to but a label on me and treat me. But I have pretty much suffered with depression all my life, mostly because of the past (family I came from) VA farm hicks and rednecks, that were abusive in the worst possible wayS.

That's one of the major reason that they don't want me around. I am a constant reminded of what they did to me, which under law is criminal.

I have a (Actually two) talking clocks that I talk to them and they tell me, when I have to take my medications, because otherwise I would forget, or even worse like this morning, not want to get out of bed, and take them. It's hard holding on for a cure, when you already feel more or less dead. each day, facing the same dark reality, we are alone, and the only ones who show any interests are the Health Care providers, who are making money off of us.

It's a sad life.

Here's a youtube like you might like a Gay male Folk artist, whom I love, well, OK I am a fan.

Maybe you might like him too.

Here's sorta like (Music style) Sinead O'Connor/ Tracy Chapman/ a One man show, which is fine, the music is simple, sweet, and real as is he. You can find him on youtube if you have a fast connection (DSL) youtube then in the search box there, put in jay Brannon, He's done a lot of songs there, so if you don't like one, you might like another.

Or you can trust me and use this link for your convenience:




this is the official video for that song, I guess the guy we see in back of Jay, represents his "Boy friend / lover"?


Well, I hope you like them, -Now about Jay's Cussing, He's only doing that to strike a nerve, and to touch people and get their attention to hear his song(s) because even if you and I don't cuss, most of the people do cuss, so that's that, but beyond that, his words and he is real and I love Jay, I hope you might too, (I don't mind sharing) besides, he's easy on the eyes and that, just were I am at.

It doesn't matter that you are /were Cuban, you are still a handsome, man.

I am not hitting on you, just stating a observation, or do I have bad taste? I d/k,

I 'll pray about your back, hey, like tea, it can't hurt.

Two (actually 3) things I try not to get too down, it's depressing, It isn't a question, of when I think about suicide, the better question, is when do I not think about it, I am tried of being sick all the time, and Because I've been alone so long, I don't like shower/ smile /keep house like I used too,.........that's the worst part, I think. You are alone so much, that it dawns on you, are you so used to it, that there isn't any room, for that other guy, another man, to be with, and the lie of Living happily ever After.

Not trying to depress you, I am however being truthful and sharing, in hopes that you 1) will get to know me and 2) may not judge me too hard and of course the big 3) rejection LOL!

It's sad to think that when I was living at home, that I would never be at the breakfast table, until I shaved, showered, combed my hair, (when there was more of it then I have now :P)

and show up, at the table nicely dressed, while my mother and aunt, were still in their Night Robes, smoking cigarettes cussing (Jeesh, the day hasn't even began, and they've, already used God's name in vain at least 25 times!) while I ignore them, and smile to be polite and pleasant

I thought it was funny, when I caught my Mom and Step dad (who always hated me, for no other reason, then I was my mom's Son, from another marriage, and me being there, was a reminder of that other guy, people are sad like that.

In any case, I over heard them discussing the merits of whether or not I was "a Saint", I just found that really funny, that, that would be something people really wondered about!

About the Holidays, I will be alone with my cat, It is quite sad really. When you or I were a Kid, and This season brought so much joy to well me, I can't speak for you.

And Now, the "Miracle, is as each year passes by, I have to wonder if I can survive them.


We may feeel lonely Andre but we are never truly alone, God is always with us, i truly believe that. We are not alone because of this site. You have your cat who I know gives you unconditional love. I will be at work, but I will be thinking of you my brother, you are always in my thoughts and in my prayers Marianne


Ump! I am still waiting for my hotcake and maple syrup, with cheese omelette OJ, the kind you drink not the one in jail, and sausages! Marianne, have you ever heard of a sausage like meat called Scrapple?

It taste awesome! and I know I am happy when I walk into my doctors office and they are frowning LOL!

You cna google this "Scrapple: Pork Mush...The Pennsylvania Treat"

I have to go now and take medicines and go back to bed, at least for awhile.

Thak you for pulling on our Fathers Ear for me with your prayers.

Also I beg forgiveness, for ignoring people (men) who Messege me, I am not arrogrent, I am just not here for what you are after (well 99% of you anyways)

Sometimes I am just human and "Can't have it all"


Smile, and keep wishing on a star!


HAH! MY doctors would KILL me if the Srapple didn't! Andre you and your cat take care, by the way what is your cat's name anyway!?


I miss having dogs!

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