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Kelly_L._Sullivan

I have not written in a long time until last night. - Poetry Group

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Posted

brooding about my ex has left me poeticly stagnate. Meeting a new person here has awakened my gift. This is the first thing I have written in a year or so. So can some one tell me what they think?

Me in a state of bliss,
Knowing, smiling.
You in a state of rest,
Me watching, knowing.
No matter how intense,
The physical pull between us.
How it doesn't make sense,
The emotions that run thru us.
Me reaching out,
Touching you, silky softness.
You streatching out,
reaching for my touch, sightless.
Me in a state of bliss.


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Posted

I guess I talk too much. It seems that because of all my comments this has been missed and, I was really was looking forward to some feedback. My writing esteem has deflated due to my lack of inspiration. Has anyone read this?


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Posted

This is really cool, i'm not sure if you spelled though the way you did on purpose though. I admire the fact that you can write about things that make you happy, because, and I'm not sure if its just me, but I find it very hard. good job : ]


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Erin_M_Ballantine
Posted

i think it is good. concise, yet full of imagery and the emotions of new romance. I can't come up with a lot of critical commentary. I do feel I want there to be one more line. But maybe that's the point. The whole poem is couplets until the last line....which is the beginning of a couplet (following the pattern laid out) with no second line.

It leaves me wanting that next line, but maybe that's the point. Not having that second line in the last couplet evokes an emotion of anticipation, which goes along with what you would be experiencing in new romance.

Well done.


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Posted

Thank you for noticing the dangling ending. It is a poem about new love ( as old lovers tend to sleep and not watch the other sleep) and how you cant get enough og yout new lover. Thus you watch her while she is sleeping and you wait for what will occur when she arises. my biggest obsticles are typing, long nails, and spelling. yet again thank you for getting my poem.


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Posted

kelly, i like the ending it dose leave you hanging.. its refreshing.

however i agree with Erin it is full of couplets," but in this it works !"
well done.


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