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Coming Out!!!! - Lesbian Ladies

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Posted

OK i need some advice...someone help please. Ill start from the beginning. I'm 22 and have a 18 yr old brother who will be 19 in October. My mom and his dad were together back in the day from when i was 1-6 yrs old and my brother came around when i was like 5 yrs old. His dad i always considered my " REAL" father due to my biological one never around and Ive only seen him twice my whole damn life...but anyway...when i was almost 7 they split up and my mom began dating women and has been a Lesbian ever since...my mother also told me that she was always into women even at a young age. Well it must have been genetic or something cause i came out the same way and have no damn interest in men what so ever! As me and my bro got older, our parents just got worse under a same roof together and my mom hardly ever started to see my brother and im the only one who really stays in contact with him and my dad. I'm not sure how it ended up that way but it did. Anyway...when i was like 12 yrs old...my dad sat down with me and said, " If you ever end up like your mom i wouldn't be able to look at you the same and wouldn't let you see your brother". So after that talk i was never able to tell my dad or my brother that i was gay and decided to not tell my brother until he was 18 and able to decide for himself if he wanted me around. Ive known i was gay since i was ten yrs old. Well as you guys know he's already gonna be 19 so ive been kinda beating around the bush about it. He's never really said anything about mom being gay but im not sure how he feels and never brought it up cause it was just one of them things we didn't bring up since they were separated. Well heres where it got crazy today...i was talking to him today on the phone and he was like i FINALLY GOT A MYSPACE and ADD ME AS A FRIEND SIS. My body froze, my stomach turned, and i felt as if i wanted to barf! My damn profile screams LESBIAN and i want him to be accepting of it and understand that this was just not a lifestyle i chose but that this is just who i really am. i guess my worst fear is that he would get upset and not wanna speak to me. Were really close and just hope it doesn't ruin anything. IDK wat to do....i never thought he'd get a damn Myspace cause he's not really a comp person but i guess he is now. I guess its time to tell him huh???


Posted

honestly destiney, he sounds like a pretty chill guy who wouldnt care
if he is your friend then it should be fine, just tell him the honest truth
tell him no matter what it doesnt change who you are or anything about you really besides who you are attracted to. tell him youll always love him as a brother no matter his color, sexual orientation, or preferance of food. and you hope that he can accept you for who you are.


Bella_Dosantos
Posted

sorry dear it reallyakes tym for family to accept.be strong hang in there


Callie_Haymond
Posted

My brother and sister and Mom know that I am bisexual, but my Dad has no clue and would probably dis-own me b/c he is such a homophobe...My mom just thinks it's a "phase." However my little sis, 22 and lil bro 20 are both very cool with my orientation, the younger gernerations usually are. He sounds cool. Just tell him. You'll feel a lot better, I promise. He should be just fine with it, and if not, he'll come around eventually. You've got to be who you are, true to yourself and truely happy, and the only way is to be out and proud, and tell those who have a problem with it to just kiss it. LOL Hope it all works out for ya.


Posted

You have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Not telling him is really a way of saying that you don't trust him, that you think his love is conditional. Even if he reacts badly at first, you have to let him figure it out for himself. It's hard, but you really should tell him (and your dad!) about who you really are. Otherwise, you're lying to them constantly, and that's not love.


Sarah_Barton_36519
Posted

Nothing about you has changed, he's just learning one more aspect of who you are. Your relationship shouldn't change, you'll still be the same people you were before you came out! Even if it gets a little weird at first, you just have to tough it out. It should work out in the end.


Posted

All these ladies are giving you great advice, but I'd just like to add a bit.
If you go in confident (he's your brother, he sounds like a good guy, and he'll accept you whether it takes some time to come to terms with it, he probably won't reject you for being who you are) and if anything does go wrong, it's probably due to the fact that you've waited so long to tell him.

...then again, don't be shocked if he just stares at you for about ten minutes (in which you think you're going to die), then smiles widely and tells you "it's about damn time."

Just go with your heart, hun, and you'll feel like the world has gotten so much lighter. ...and about what your dad said to you... don't take too much heart in it... he could have said it out of hurt (it's a sad thing but it happens), but if he was serious...then his opinion doesn't matter anyway.

We all struggle with wanting to be accepted by loved ones, whether it's coming out of the closet or some else. Those who love you, love you for who you are, whether or not they know everything about your life or not.

And just remember that worrying over "what if..." causes much more heartache than dealing with what comes after the what if.


Posted

I totally agree with Haley. Don't tell him like it's some death sentence or horrible news. Tell him like you're finally happy to be honest with him, like you want this to be something y'all can bond over and that can make your relationship stronger. It should be something you're happy about, so tell him like that.

It feels great to be out. I was scared to come out, as almost everyone is, but it really is like a weight is lifted. You can be yourself, and you realize that the world is ok. It doesn't define you, but you can finally live comfortably without hiding.

Be strong!! Tell a few friends first, if that'll be easier. Telling people just takes practice, until it's not a big deal at all anymore.

Good luck.


Posted

my opinion is to get it out there. tell your brother. i spent ages keeping it inside coz i thought that my dad and sister would disown me but i was surprised at there response. they both told me that they already knew. if you are really close to your brother then there is a good chance that he already knows and is just waiting for you to tellhim when you feel ready. its a scary thing to do but even if it turns out bad then at least you have gotten it off your chest so its not eating you up inside. good luck


Posted

ONE thing about sibling is they get over things faster then your actual parents, my brother told me he hated me when I came out then a month later he said he was sorry and been on my side ever since... just remember if he was so against it I'm pretty sure you would have heard him talk against your mother OR just just about gays in general.


Amber_Young
Posted

Word to the wise that not every family coming out story has a happy ending. I know this from first hand experience, and as most of us know with just coming out in general there is always room for error and miscommunications. So make sure you pick the words you use wisely so no one can be offended or claim you guilt-tripped them into accepting it or some other nonesense.

Honestly though if my 80 year old Grandmother can get over it and not only accpet me as I am for who I am (not who I sleep with) then go on to end up loving my lifestyle AND my girlfriend(she likes my gf more than me I swear), I think your Dad and your brother both have a really good chance of making the cut aswell.
There is a generation gap somewhere because although my Grandmother loves and supports me I have not had contact with any of my extended (and some immediate) family members since I came out.
Be prepared for questions, try not to get offended even if they are trying to offend you and be OPEN and HONEST about it, its really the best plan even if its not going to work out. At least you know you were true to yourself =)
Good luck! Though I'm sure you wont really need it.



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