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Laura_Williams

Why won't some lesbians date bisexuals? (vice versa) - Lesbian Ladies

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Laura_Williams
Posted

Are you a lesbian who won't date someone who is bisexual?


Posted

Eh, I won't discriminate against someone if they like guys and girls. But, in my humble opinion and experience, it stings more when an ex I still care about goes for a guy instead of another girl.


Elena_Eff
Posted

I'm admittedly very biased when it comes to dating bi girls because in my experience, they ALWAYS choose the guy over the girl. My first girlfriend was like that, and a girl that I was considering dating was like that too. My first girlfriend was sleeping with five guys behind my back. Yes, FIVE. The girl that I was considering dating asked me out and took me to a jazz festival a few months ago, and we ran into some guys that I guess she knew from school. Well, long story short she spent the entire rest of the night flirting with them and ignoring me, and then before I left to go home she started making out with one of the guys right in front of me. Then a couple weeks ago I found out that she slept with two of my best guy friends. Needless to say, I was pissed and I will not be taking her out anytime soon. However, I also have a bi friend who isn't like that at all. If she's dating a girl, she won't suddenly go "o hai i want cock instead lolol" and vice versa. If I could find a bi girl like that I would sure as hell take her out.


Katie_Lopez_42280
Posted

well I'm the type of bisexual who if 100% faithfull to the person I'm dating be it guy or girl I am totaly committed to that person. I'm not going to wake up one morning and say hey this was fin but I want a gut now or vice versa. But I can't find a girl who understands that.


Heather_Darby
Posted

I don't want to discriminate again bisexuals, but I find myself hesitant to date bisexuals, because I'm afraid they will realize that being gay isn't exactly all hearts and flowers all the time and that it is still a major taboo and they will decide they don't want to deal with that and leave me for a guy (big run on sentence, sorry, I'm not always good with words). I totally understand not wanting to have to deal with all the shit from society, but I just don't want my heart broken.


Posted

All I can say, is sorry for the bi girls out there, that go that, but sometimes that's how it is.


Nebelpfade
Posted

I might be hesitant, but not if the girl really worth it. Then, it depends about the same taboo Heather says, will the decide to break up for a guy ? Some do, some doesn't. But to be heart broken is she does, would make me wanna smack the girl n the guy for sure, and I ain't someone violent... But then, someone need to be at less serious and have respect, either she's bi or lesbian.


Alicia_Osay
Posted

eh idk. i like bisexuals. i mean, its only a blow to the ego if she leaves u for a guy. but at the same time, its like if she were to leave u for a girl. just different gender. :/


Posted

personally, i don't date bisexual girls because i don't. i know that most bi girls believe that they love who they love and those are the ones who i deeply admire. however, i still cannot date them because it seems unfair to me. i can put my all into you but you still have that spot reserved for some guy. ive dated them before, and it was the same each time. they either cheated with a dude, were just nasty, or were in denial when it came to their sexuality. everyone always says that a lesbian can up and leave you for another girl so whats the difference? the difference is i would feel like i have to compete with someone who ultimately can possibly be better than me, being that we are both equipped differently. i have nothing against bisexuals, most of my best friends are. i just know that i like girls who like girls. i went to the mall with this girl once and we were in the talking stage before committing to a relationship. she kept looking at different guys like, "oh he's sexy!" and im like well damn what am i here for? i know they are not all the same, but that has happened to me each and every time i dated one of them. so i learned my lesson and stopped. i wish people would realize that its not discrimination, its a preference. if thats the case, all lesbians are discriminating because they dont like men. its called knowing what you like. bisexuals like what they like and so do we. at the end of the day, as long as you are happy, that is all that matters. i kept giving these girls chance after chance because they all gave me the same line, not all bisexual chicks are like that, or im not nasty like them, or i date who im attracted to at that time. thats fine and dandy. but in the end, they were all the same way. confused females who go after the people who want them or make them feel wanted. and no im not saying that bisexual girls are confused but yes most of them are. when you actually talk to them and get to know the reasoning behind their "decisions" you find out that it may or may not be a genderless love situation. and i will never understand the running when things get hard stigma. most of the bisexual girls i know never stay in relationships long because its like, they have issues and do the, all girls or guys suck blah blah blah. then they move on to the next sex until there is another issue. a friend of mine got tired of men treating her bad so she decided to be "gay" after being with her first girlfriend and the many arguments that came with it, she went back to guys and just claimed that she was bisexual. now she sleeps with whoever is available and doesnt keep relationships more than a month. its crazy.


Kelly_Gibson
Posted

NOT all bisexuls r like that! thats like saying all lesbians r bitches and cant love some 1. ur heart can get broken either way no matter if ur bi lez or watever. Plus i wouldnt leave my gf i have right now for a man. bc i love her n will stay with her bc i love her deeply. We r almost perfect never had no one i loved so much n my life n im not gonna wast true love just bc a guy walks by. u know not every lesbian is faithful. ITS JUST THE PERSON NOT THE SEXUL INTREST! thats what i dont get why people pin things down on bisexuls. If u know the meaning of bisexul u would know that they can love a man or a woman, an a true bisexul will stay true 2 the one there with, n wont leave u for a man or a woman, thats what i am,a true bi, now if me n her brok up, if a guy came arund n i liked him yeh i would date him but thats not leaven her for a man, thats only when we broken up. OK peace


Kim_Lew
Posted

I've only dated one person and I don't think she identified herself as bisexual, BUT she did end up breaking up with me because she wanted to know what it was like to be with a guy... And this ROYALLY sucked shit because we were young and we were all "Oh, I'm so devoted to you! I'll love only you forever!" And I really believed it. So yeah, I'm a little biased, but I can tell you why, there will always be that irrational fear that yeah, she could very well be jerking you around and end up breaking your heart and being with a guy (very soon after you).

Of course, that can occur to ANYONE, but I guess bisexual people just have that stigma. Stereotypes and all that jazz.

Might I add, it's not a nice feeling at all when it turns out that you've been someone else's phase.


Sonny_Baker
Posted

I'm bi and i think there are some real challenges dating lez girls (which i am dating now). If i see a cute girl i can say, look, she's hot, and my gf will be like, ya she is. But if i see a cute guy i don't say anything coz whats the point. However if she sees me eyeing the guy she may react differently than she would to me eyeing a girl.

On the other hand i think the lez girls have a point when they say a bi girl is more likely to leave for a guy than a girl. While an honest girl will break up and not cheat if she feels she's missing something the fact is if you like guys then there are some things a guy can give physically that a girl can't. Obviously a lot a girl can give too that a guy can't. Unfortunately i think there is a tendency FOR SOME BI GIRLS (NOT ALL) to fantasize more about guys when with a girl and to fantasize more about girls when with a guy. I know i'm gonna shit for saying it but wtf it seems pretty obvious.

Having said all that I don't think bi girls are any less capable of commitment than anyone else. People break up all the time. It's just when a bi girl breaks up she tends to go in the opposite direction because she misses something and she wants to get away from the feelings she had for the ex-gf (or ex-bf) as the case may be. Guys always say bi girls break up with them for girls.

When two two bi girls break up or two lez girls you don't try to blame the orientation. We recognize that people break up because they aren't compatible in other ways, different beliefs or goals or interests. I think if lez girls examine the reasons for breaking up wit their bi gfs they will find that there were other problems than just orientation with the relationship.


Heather_Darby
Posted

Break-ups suck, no matter what, and I think that we just want to blame something other then the fact that we were incompatible so if one of the people is bisexual that automatically gets the blame for it.

There's just something about a girl leaving you for a guy that hurts more than if they left you for a girl. Personally, it makes me feel like the whole relationship was pointless, if this whole time what she wanted was something only a guy could give her. I feel like I was a failed experiment with her. I KNOW that isn't true, and I know a bi girl could date a guy right after dating a girl for no other reason than he was the one that caught her eye and not b/c she missed being with a guy.


Posted

once again, i need people to realize its not about you being bisexual, its about the inconsistency. we all know that lesbians can cheat or leave you just as easily as anyone else. but i would rather a girl leave me for another girl and not a guy. like Heather said, it just seems that we were like a phase until the next guy came along. I HAVE HAD BISEXUAL FEMALES TELL ME THIS AND IT WAS NOT ONE OR TWO. i have done my own research as to why that happens. 90% of bisexual females say that if a relationship goes wrong with one gender, they will resort to the other to feel wanted, loved, or needed in some form. When a guy leaves them or breaks their heart, they think that the next female will be able to mend that and give them a feeling that he could not and vice versa. Yes all bisexuals are not the same but in a case that it is most, no one is willing to give that minority a shot. But do you know why? Because when the minority is given a second chance to prove us wrong, they don't. That's the issue. All these stereotypes can be broken if someone steps up and shows the rest of us that they are not true. This is the same way African-Americans hate to be called lazy, bad father, ghetto, and other things. Yet and still, those who complain never do anything to make others see them differently. I really hope all the bisexual girls who are sitting here reading these comments, mad about them, understand that. No one is going to go out of their way to make YOU feel comfortable. You have to do that on your own. The same goes for the rest of the LGBQT community. I don't want someone to talk to or befriend me because they think they have to. Be nice to me because that's what you are supposed to do. So date a bisexual girl because you want to and not to break any stereotypical barriers. STOP HATING YOUR OWN COMMUNITY! ASK SOMEONE QUESTIONS AND UNDERSTAND THEM BEFORE MAKING A SNAP DECISION. IF YOU ARE ON THE RECEIVING END OF THIS, MAKE THOSE OTHERS UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE NOT LIKE THE REST. STOP CRYING ABOUT IT AND DO IT!!!!


Alexis_Lantigua
Posted

Well, As a lez who's dating a bi girl I can 100% understand where you girls are coming from. My last girl dumped me for a guy (an abusive guy too!) anyway, now I'm with another bi girl and it hurts everyday cause she always talks about guys, and admits to me she'd rather be with a guy then a girl. And It's really hard to compete with that. But I wouldn't discriminate against bisexuals. Everyone is different and I don't like to judge people by the cover. But I understand why some people wouldn't. I just can't help that the majority of women are bisexual or pretending to be for attention. But yeah it hurts a lot more being left for a guy than being left for a girl. I don't know why. lol, well that's my opinion. I know I was kinda all over the place with that, srry


Posted

mkay well Im a bisexual girl, and to give my honest opinion, I used to be about 60/40 on the Guy/Girl ratio. But then I started dating Taylor (my now ex girlfriend [not my choice]) and that COMPLETELY changed my views.
I used to see myself being with and marrying a guy, but after being with her for 6 months, she changed my opinion and now I can only see myself dating girls.
Granted, Im still VERY attracted to guys, dont get me wrong.
But dont judge EVERY bisexual girl. Some of us are decent


Alexis_Lantigua
Posted

I don't understand some of the discussions in here. We're sending hatred against people in our own community! I know the person who started this wasn't after this kind of discussion. But it's LGBT!! The B stands for bisexuals! we're supposed to be on the same side! lol. your telling me you've never thought for one second you might be bisexual? before u realized you were more thn that? Then for at least 1 second you were confused and bisexual, would you want people talking about how your not good enough for them and can't date them? That wouldn't have really helped you. So either understand bisexuals or let them be. No need to bash them cuz you had a bad experience. that's just like a straight person hating homosexuals cuz they didn't like one of us.


Sandra_Rodrigo
Posted

Well, in my experience, I'm with a lesbian girl who's never been with a guy. She's very VERY gay.. hahah. She knows I'm bisexual cause thats one of the first things I told her as we got to know each other. In my case, I have a preference for women. When I first came out I felt pressured to choose between girls or guys and I spent some time seriously thinking things throught and being honest with myself and decided that I'm not going to do that guy/girl dating game...I was only gonna date women. This was easier for me to decide since I like women more anyway. But I decided to do this cause I didn't want to mess up my head.... and I was greatful that I'm more one thing over the other. I can't really put a percentage on myself , and even though I have no idea how it feels, I imagine it must be really hard to be EQUALLY attracted to both genders.

I try not to judge other bisexuals, but the thing is, I can't really trust anyone else but myself... and unless the girl is MORE attracted to women, I personally would avoid dating another bi girl... As for talking about attractive guys, I do that sometimes, but my girlfriend doesn't seem to be bothered at all. She's told me everything that bothers her (she's very honest) but never once said anything about me finding a guy cute. I guess she really beleives me when I say I'll never date a guy. I just admire from afar, and the kind of guys I admire are not "macho" or body-building people or the usual kind of men that some straight girls find attractive. And when I like a guy I tend to wish I could BE him more than be WITH him... like, I look at guys as more of a role model than an object of lust... Its the result of being both bisexual and genderqueer. So, I think it really depends on the person. People are complex.


Heather_Darby
Posted

I don't think anyone in this discussion is bashing bisexuals. We're just being honest about our feelings when it comes to how we feel about dating a bisexual.

I've been the girl who thought she was bisexual at first because I refused to admit that I was a lesbian. I don't want to be the girl that dates a bisexual girl who is just confused and ends up admitting to herself that she is straight.

I do think it is completely possible to be a genuine bisexual and not just confused. However I feel like the majority of bisexuals I meet are actually just straight girls who are confused about their sexuality for whatever reason.


Chi_Wilson
Posted

I don't get lesbians who won't date bi-sexuals. I mean, to some extent I guess I kind of understand, and I mean that whole "confusion/leaving for a guy" reason seems pretty rampant. I honestly don't care. I mean, love is love. I've dated several bi-sexuals, and I've been dumped a few times for guys, but it hurts just the same as being left for a chick.
Then again, I've never really had that experience of being with a confused girl, but those are kind of easy to spot, in my opinion, so I don't go for them.
Any time I was with a bi-sexual and we went to the mall or something, and an attractive guy walked by, she might say, "Oh, he's attractive," and I'd agree. Just the same as if a beautiful woman walked by, I'd say, "She was hot," and she'd agree. It's like I'm 100% completely and totally lesbian, but if a guy (or girl) is attractive and someone points it out, I usually tend to agree. I mean who doesn't appreciate good looking people, whether they've got a dick or a pussy? I just happen to love women.


Posted

ONCE AGAIN, NO ONE IS BASHING BISEXUALS!!!! I REALLY YOU WISH YOU ALL STOP SAYING THAT. IF SOMEONE HAS A PREFERENCE, WHY DOES THAT ALL THE SUDDEN GET TRANSLATED INTO HATE? LIKE I SAID BEFORE, IF THAT IS THE CASE THEN LESBIANS ARE BEING DISCRIMINATORY IN THE FACT THAT WE WILL NOT DATE MEN. ITS THE SAME THING. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE AND WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. WHY MAKE YOURSELF UNCOMFORTABLE TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE'S EGO? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BISEXUALS. THE GOOD ONES, IN THE END, SUFFER BECAUSE OF WHAT THE ACTUALLY CONFUSED FEMALES HAVE DONE. AND INSTEAD OF THE GOOD ONES PROVING THAT THEY ARE INDEED GOOD, THEY KIND OF HIDE AWAY FROM EVERYONE. LIKE I WAS GLAD TO SEE SOME SPEAK UP, WITHOUT GETTING DEFENSIVE, AND STATING HOW THEY FELT ABOUT IT. ALEXIS, YOU ARE RIGHT WE DO NEED TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER. AND IT GOES PAST BISEXUALITY. WE ALL NEED TO LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OUTRIGHT HAVING HATRED AGAINST SOMEONE WHO IS BISEXUAL AND LEARNING FROM A BAD EXPERIENCE AND NEVER HAVING A GOOD ONE TAKE PLACE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND. IF ANYONE HERE HATED BISEXUALS, THEY WOULD HAVE SAID THAT AND NOT, I PREFER NOT TO DATE THEM. ALSO, THE FEMALES IN THIS DISCUSSION DO NOT SPEAK FOR EVERY LESBIAN IN THE WORLD. SO PLEASE STOP TAKING THINGS TO HEART. AS LONG AS WE CONTINUE TO TAKE SITUATIONS AS THESE PERSONALLY, WE WILL NEVER GET ANYWHERE AND WE WILL END UP DIVIDED IN THE END, WE ARE ALL MEMBERS OF THE LGBTQIA COMMUNITY! YES WE WILL BUMP HEADS BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, WE ARE ALL THE SAME. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A COMMON INTEREST WITH SOMEONE DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN AUTOMATIC LOVE CONNECTION. LIKE I STATED EARLIER, MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE BISEXUALS WHO ARE EACH VERY IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE, NOT THEIR SEX. WE ENDED UP BEING GOOD FRIENDS BECAUSE OF US TRYING TO DATE EACH OTHER. SOME PEOPLE JUST AREN'T MEANT TO BE. IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN THAT SAME SITUATION, DON'T FORCE IT. JUST LET IT GO, SAY YOUR PEACE, AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT. I THINK THIS IS A DATING ISSUE ANYWAYS, NOT DISCRIMINATION. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR SEXUALITY, ITS ABOUT WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT BEFORE YOU PROCEED TO INITIATE A RELATIONSHIP.


Kim_Lew
Posted

Woah! Calm down Selena! I don't think we're all being like you think we are... Hm. Let's all just agree that no one can have an entirely certain relationship! Unless you are one half of the fabled soulmates! (Xena/Gabrielle, anyone?)

But even then, we are all human, we all have our doubts. And yes, we are all on the same side! And yeah, I totally agree, it's good to know what you are getting into and what you want from an about to begin relationship.


Posted

idk, but I think SOME lesbians think that bisexaul women are just faking it or confused and looking for an experiment (that's called bi-curious btw) and they are afraid that if they date bisexauls they'd end up either dumped or cheated on, which i think it's nonesene really. bisexaul people are actaull people.
stop the hypocrisy! we fight whole our lives not to get judged and what we do? we judge others as well. it's not fair!


we're human, labels are for plastic cans.


Posted

I'm calm sweetheart. I just simply hate when people put words in others mouths. And I have been getting quite a few messages from some of you telling me that I as long with others on this thread, simply hate bisexuals. That is why I posted that last message. No one ever said that but, as usual, people don't read entire comments before they respond. It's a shame.


Laura_Williams
Posted

A lot of what has been said here is why I'm one of those bisexuals (more attracted to women) that hide in the back shadows and hopes that some day... some special girl will discover me, if not.. then at least it's safer not to come out.



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