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Deja_Low

I REALLY NEED HELP, just someone to talk to - Lesbian Ladies

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Deja_Low
Posted

Today I felt what it was like to have my airway blocked, to have my body beg for air but my heart and mind not wanting it. I was feeling like there was nothing more painful then heartache, but I was wrong. I didnt go throught with it. I just wanted all the pain to go away. A month ago I lived life and now look at me. She was the love of my LIFE, our relationship was my EVERYTHING. Then it all ended. Everyone tells me, dont take her back, dont give in, but I just love her soo much I couldnt help it. They were right because it just ended up being the same thing all over again within that same day. I tell her I cant do it anymore, then she go and be with the other girl, the girl who caused our end. But still my ex txt me, telling me how bad she wants me, how she needs me. And I go to her, I figured if I couldnt have her completely at least I can have her some kind of way(sexually), but then i would get wrapped back into her, but then she would choose her over me again. I told her I decided to move back home, and she said she wanted to move to, that she couldnt see me go, let me go. Then today she tell me that she was unsure now, because she will miss the other girl. The girl who she had just told me was falling for her but she didnt want that. I just felt like EVERY FUCKING THING goes back to that girl. And she always choose her over me. The feeling of being degraded(if thats the word) to always come after the other girl, is sooo UNBEARABLE. Almost 2 years we were together, engaged, own place, 3 tries for a baby, and she choose HER. Its like a knife stabbing me over and over. I exploded today, because my ex let the girl use the vacuum we shared and forgot to bring it back. I exploded because I felt like she take everything I have, everything that belonged to me. Its always HER.

I dont know what to do anymore. Im going back home soon, away from them both with hopes that it will help me. But Im still afraid Im not going to be able to get over it, Im always going to think, she chose her over me. She was the love of my life, and I was her...? I feel like life isnt worth living, I have sooo much stuff build up inside of me that my head is constently throbbing. I feel so worthless, like NOTHING, Ive lost soo much weight from working out and not eating so that I can try to feel just a little bit better about myself. I spend hour in front of the mirror trying to convince myself that I am beautiful, that it wasnt me. I just dont know anymore. I need a friend who understand what Im feeling, instead of the one I have who just calls me stupid for still loving and thinking about her. I want to erase my memory without having to erase my future.


Ashley_Dinn
Posted

I had a similar situation. Loveing someone that is just a jerk to you but you still love them. I will be your friend and i will not tell you that you are stupid. It is not stupid. Unless you have been their they can't talk. Please don't do anything bad cuz i would be sad if you did. I know you don't know me but death is a hard thing to deal with. I have lost many to killing them selfs. If you need someone to talk to hit me up with an email on here or even find me on facebook. I am here for you and please don't do anything bad for you. And you are more beautiful then you will ever know.


Earlnesha_Hollis
Posted

Deja, Ashley is right. Im sorry that you had to go through that. Im going through the samething. My girl was CHEATING on me with some dirty ass bitch who wasn't up to my standards. I was with my girl for 3 years. I even asked her to marry me. Gave her a ring with 3 roll of diamonds(REAL), and guess what? She throw my ring in the woods. My heart was broke but i still forgave her. But life moves on. Its going to be hard. Its hard for but i dont think about doing anything bad to myself. For what? Hurting myself is not going to help my problems go away. Its just going to causes the family to be hurt. What we have to do is learn from our mistakes and continue our journey.


Posted

I cant say that I understand, but because I have never been through that. But I believe that everything happens for a reason, and everything is a stepping stone. I cant tell you that one day you will look back and be able to smile and tell her thank you for doing what she did because you ended up with your soul mate, but what i can tell you is that life goes on. If you let her dictate your actions, then she wins. If you take your own life, you lose. There are many years ahead of you, that can be filled with joy and wonder if only you can look forward, instead of back. Maybe that makes me sound stupid or some shit, but its what i believe. I have never stopped to feel pain of a breakup because I know without a doubt my other half is somewhere out there, just waiting for me. yours is too. just dont give up. stay strong. i hope you find peace and strength.



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