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Chrystal_Larsen

I hate being bisexual. - Bi Bi Bi Women

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Chrystal_Larsen
Posted

As the subject says... It sucks. Lesbians don't seem to trust me and guys get turned on by it and only want to be with me because they think I'll have a 3-some with them. I hate feeling like an object and I hate feeling like I'm being judged because of a stereo-type. I wish I could just be gay. I lean lesbian, aka I like women more than men, but the interest in men is still there. I just irritated by it. Why do people have to treat bi's like this...?


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Posted

I hear ya there, I'm bi-sexual too, and I honestly think people treat us this way because of the stupid media and it always shows that bi girls always want threesomes and stupid shit like that.


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Posted

I know it's difficult being bisexual, which truly is a shame. I had a bi best-friend, she leaned more towards girls, but attraction to guys was there, my youngest daughter is bi, she leans towards guys, but her attraction towards women is there, my twin-sister was bi, she leaned equally towards both. I know bi is just as valid as straight, homosexual, transsexual, etc. Yet the ignorance towards being bi, from all quarters, is there. Which is so sad, it makes being bi, misunderstood, under-appreciated, over mythologized. We, i.e. everyone, no matter our sexuality, love who we love, no one should dig into it, or push fantasies upon it. If you are bi, I pray you will find happiness within yourself, for being bi, and for being who you are.


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Tamika_Taylor
Posted

I don't really have any hardships with being bi except with telling my family. Even my eldest sister thought I was confused because I haven't experimented with my gf. Why would I be confused if I haven't done anything with another female? If you have an attraction to another woman, then there's no shame in that. The hard part is explaining it. As far as dating a lesbian woman, it's never easy because they want to be with another lesbian or there aren't enough lesbians who would be okay with dating a bisexual woman. I thought I liked a lesbian girl but of course I knew it wouldn't happened until I knew for certain that that's how I felt about her. I wouldn't be ashamed of who you are and you can't tell someone not to treat you different because everyone has different ideas about us bi women. As long as they still love you as a human being, be happy with it. The whole threesome thing, I have had thought about it but I know that if I felt comfortable and my gf felt comfortable, we could try it but I know that between the two of us, we are over-protective of one another. I don't know why people are like that with these assumptions about bisexuals but the one thing I would hate to hear is that because you are bisexual, you would sleep with every woman and man. Even though bi's don't get any benefits, we still stick by with who we want to be with whether it's with a man or woman. We feel that we get equal satisfaction from either one but if we were to give one up for the other, we could never go back. Love who you want to love and if you are tired of the confrontation of the bisexual subject, don't engage in a repetitive cycle of the same assumptive subject .


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Veena_Putnam
Posted

I agree with all of you. I am too a bi girl. I am a happily married women to a wonderful man, but i have all the urges to be with a women. my husband does not mind. He says i can be with a girl as long as i told him about it. He doesnt care if he wasnt allowed around, as long as i gave him just as much attention as i gave the girl i decided to be with. My first experience with a girl was when i was 19 years old. I am now a 25 year old women and i still havent lost that feeling towards a girl. I agree with Tamika about love who you are. No one can change you of what you are. If the other sex wanted to change you from who you are to who they want you to be, they are not true friends/lovers/significant others. Be comfortable with yourself and listen to your heart. it will lead you to who (man or woman) you are meant to be with. You cannot help who you fall in love with. I have respect for both sexs that are comfortable with who they are and choose to be! Good luck Crystal!


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Posted

Hi Gals,
also am a bi woman, Iean more toward women, but am in a relationship with a man. Veena, you must be one of the few bi women that can honestly say they are truly happy with all aspects of your marriage. I am guessing because he allows you to have a woman from time to time, as long as you are honest with him about it? My man told me if he so much as saw me kiss another woman, he would still love me, but he would never again kiss, hug, or touch me in any way. This is the part of being bi that sucks for me. He gets jealous when I masturbate in an attempt to fulfil my needs for a woman (not working). I say to all, Just be true to you, and screw anyone else's opinion!
As to the world's view of bi's we can thank the media, and porn flicks! When I watch porn, I prefer lesbian porn, so I don't have to see the stereotypes.
Hope this helps.


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Posted

Hi, I am bi as well...The only way we can dispel the stereotypes is to be who we are, and if someone straight or gay makes an asinine comment about it, set them, no pun intended, "straight" on the issue. I was married to a man for a long period of time, over ten years, and I thought I was hetero all my life. Always had tomboyish ways, but that doesn't necessarily make you gay or bi. I had fantasies about women, and I hated to admit it, but was a bit homophobic when it came to women (Not gay men for some reason). Then a friend of mine had brought up the issue (I was still married at the time), "did you ever have penis envy?" in front of a group of women, and that got me thinking. Although I admitted that I liked the fact that men could pee anywhere at any time, when it was more difficult for us, I did NOT mention that I did harbor a desire to please a woman that way. I felt that they would look at me differently if I said I liked women. Another time they discussed the issue that "all these women seemed to be jumping on the bandwagon to become lesbians...that they wanted to use strap ons on each other, EWWWW!!! that's nasty!" Well, I didn't think it was nasty. It kind of turned me on. But I felt powerless to say anything, because I was not out, and I was always concerned about everyone else's opinion of me. So I responded with silence. I wonder to this day what would have happened if I spoke exactly how I felt. Would the women shun me, avoid me, say it didn't matter to them, but reacted to me differently afterward. One of those women I admitted having physical feelings toward much later after I divorced and started coming out, and although she told me she was straight, we are still sisters to this day.

I have made poor mistakes in the past arguing with a lesbian telling her why I wanted to "lie" on dating sites, saying I was lesbian instead of bi. And it was because of the reasons we are discussing now...the stereotypes, "she's going to leave me for a man, she fucks everything, she'll taint me with her ph inside her vagina, etc. And to add insult to injury, I help to foster the stereotype by adding on my profile that I only wanted to date lesbians, NOT bisexual women. How fair was that? I was dissing my own self and all of my kind. I meditated on that for a long time and decided to be COMPLETELY HONEST, ALWAYS, about my sexuality. About my BISEXUALITY. And to be COMFORTABLE with that NO MATTER WHAT.

We have got to stand up for who we are, and celebrate ourselves!! If we don't, who will? I have lesbian friends who know I am bi, but since I have recently come out I wonder if they think I will eventually become a lesbian? I still don't think it will make them love me any less, because (many of them) they knew me and liked me as a heterosexual. I have a bisexual female friend who is married to a man and has not come out to her family or friends, but her husband understands and allows her to be with women. However, lookit!!! As a bisexual, I am setting an example for both of those parties, pure out lesbians and those who are afraid to come out totally as bi... Because I am who I am, and she sees how I carry myself with confidence and pride, my married friend might learn a few things from me and decide to come out too. She already said she wouldn't mind coming with me to a lesbian club. But I have no "in love" feelings for her and I respect boundaries...I just want some safe, clean fun with women until I find Ms. Right. But that attraction to men will be there, even after I settle down. I just don't have to act on it, being committed to a significant other.
Hope this sheds more light on the subject. Hang in there, ladies!


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jessicazylee
Posted

I also don't like it when people label me straight because I have yet to date a girl. hello, I've only been in the dating scene for 4 years, [2 of them taken up by a crazy stalker]. And how many good looking lesbians [or lesbians period] will I find in freaking INDIANA?!

I'm currently dating a wonderful man, who understands what it means to be bisexual. He also agrees with me that, for me, being with another woman in any way would be cheating on him. I had an ex who felt that "girls didn't count", which I think is untrue. My current guy says that if I have needs, we'll talk about them and maybe arrange a threesome [which will not happen since i'm possessive of my man]


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Chrystal_Larsen
Posted

Huh... Thanks ladies the in sites of others have helped, but it's still frustrating. I want to date another women and I too have joined dating sites. I sometimes also get annoyed at other bi's who are only looking for a threesome, and the women who say they are bi, but it only happens when they are drunk. And just... UGH!!! all the "fake" bi's out there who do it for the attention they get from guys. It disgusts me.


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Posted

It makes me sick when I am treated like this, I am only young and the amount of rumors of me being a slut, and having threesomes going around is ridiculous, especially as I am a virgin.
It is seriously unnacceptable.
Hopefully one day it will be different :\


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Veena_Putnam
Posted

Hey, jessica, my husband is just like you man. He would like to set up a threesome (only if the other girl is okay with it) and i am alot like you. But what keeps things straight between me and my husband is the thought (for his mind) that its just fun) and for me its the thought that i am showing my affection to the girl. No strings attatched. so yeah i understand about being possesive over you significant others.
Chrystal, just be true to who you are. yes there are fake bi's out there and you can tell the real ones from the fake ones. If a girl only becomes bi when she is drunk, shes not true to herself nor others. Its up to you to make the choice to allow the fakes to determine who you are. You can truly find a person that understands who you are and can accept you that way. I really do hope this helps you! Now that the advices have been given, Its up to you girl! HAVE FUN! LOL. There are plenty of us bi girls that will except you for who you are. You are a beautiful woman and i have a feeling things will become clear to you once you find your "friend".


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Tor_Saff
Posted

i know the feeling, i was into both equally but when i was with one sex they wanted me to be either straight or gay... and you know what i can't do that, it's not me. just ignore people's warped opinions of bi people, you know who you are be proud of who you are!


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Jennifer_Melbar
Posted

i hate the steroe type but on bi's i have always liked women more but i still like men to and alot of lesbiens i know dog me for bein bi


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jessicazylee
Posted

I sat on a educational panel once, and someone raised their hand and asked me if I had difficulty adjusting to sex with one gender after being with another.

My answer?

"I don't know, because I dont engage in premarital sex. I don't believe in it, but I imagine it might be like adjusting to any new partner."

there was huge silence after that. But giggling from the moderator, who knew that I'd be the 'best' person to answer that one.


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Posted

I hate being told to "choose". I hate my mother's response even worse!! "Hit your knees and ask the Lord of Hosts for forgiveness!" I don't appreciate responses like these from ignorant people, who have no interest in learning about us.


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Jackalynn_Robertson
Posted

Im bi too, and my friends all exspted it. My dads convinced its a phaze and i'll get over it but whatever helps him sleep at night. The one thing i hate about having people knowing im into girls too is that everytime i hug a girl or comment that they look nice or kiss someone on the check, there convinced im hitting on them or think there hot. And it bugs me.. And my friends aunt made the comment with out knowing im bi that "Bi-sexuals are just confused and dont know what way to go" And i replyed with, "actually WE do know what way we go, We go both ways" I was so mad, and she was so embaressed.. But people judge way to quickly over a title, weather is be gay, bi, chirstan,bodist whatever.. that pisses me off.


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Let's all be fuckin' loud and proud to be bisexual!!! I'm sick of that BULLSHIT!!!!
God made us in HIS/HER image. We're beautiful people, not FREAKS. It is a legitimate sexual orientation, or else we wouldn't have LGBTQ.. We need to educate, educate, educate people and address the IGNORANCE when it arises.. I prefer women. I'm sexually attracted to men. Would rather be in a committed relationship with a woman. I am with a couple, man and woman, and am having some of the BEST SEX of my life right now. I am free to be with other women, and I just might see another woman this weekend. The couple knows that our relationship is not forever. We're just having fun. They know I am exploring the same-sex part of my sexuality, because I am coming out and just want to meet as many WOMEN as I can so I can decide who is "right" for me. I am VERY SELECTIVE of partners. We bisexuals don't fuck everything that moves...We have straight friends of the same sex (I KNOW I DO, that know I am sincere and affectionate), and are not afraid to hug and kiss as FRIENDS. I have lesbian friends that do the same. BIg deal! We are special people that relate to both sexes--there is nothing WRONG with that.

I have had sexual encounters with two so called "Christian" men, one was a married PASTOR, the other was a married church musician. I know this was wrong, but they are SO OVER and LAME. I know now that I just wanted the sex, it seemed exciting...but if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't know that I was using them just to get the affection, and I know that it was easier for men to approach ME than it was for ME to approach women. All a part of coming out.

I'm bolder now and not so afraid to approach women...And to tell you the truth, I flirt more with women than men. I turn men down more easily, in part because I don't want more than one man right now! Guys are OK but women are DA BOMB!!!! lol Love yourselves, ladies! LOUD AND PROUD! CELEBRATE YOU!


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Tamika_Taylor
Posted

A few months ago, my father sent me a prayer message on my Facebook after finding out I was bisexual; however, I was labeled a lesbian. What hurt the most was my mom who I told about my bisexuality 7 years ago, knew I was equally into men and women. You'd think after so long she would remember that fact since she said she was okay with it. I do have a gay relative and he has a family who disapprove of it but I can understand because they have lived in an older generation when gays were immoral and still unappreciated (if that's a good way to but it.) He kept it to himself but they knew he was trying to come out but suggested that he didn't. I do love my family but if a year or two years down the road, I decided to settle down with a woman I love (who would be my gf), I don't think I will have support but at least I would hope they would try to get to know her. If not my uncles and aunts, at least my grandparents. Like it or not, my mom or sister cannot keep my relationships in silence because they didn't ask me to fall for women. The heart wants what the heart wants. I wasn't expecting my father to understand nor was I planning on saying as well as expect him to accept it. His God can tell him what I'm doing is wrong but if the Bible says God disowns his child who love the same sex then he wouldn't have had my mother give birth to me and bring me in this polluted, love/hate world we live in now. He would disown all gays, lesbians, bisexuals and so on. I could go on with this but of course, the speech stops here.


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Rebecca_Knowland
Posted

Tamika - Do you really hate being bisexual? I hear you hate the way your family treats you around this subject that seems to at the to be ok Then the next time not so ok. Seems like you hate how they talk about your issues around being who you want to be. There is a super saying I love to repeat from Al-anon." Its non of my business what you think of me"
I understand and really feel for you sweetie. Yet sometime turning towards what you believe in when it comes to your feelings for both sexes is the way to go. Your not sleeping or living with your family for the rest of your life. Chin up my new friend and woman! You can do this. This is your decision not there's. You are comfortable with both. Great. You are the only one that needs to feel safe with all of this. Its your life. You can do this. You love to have the company of both sexes period....
If your family is freaked out let them be. Usually a bit of knowledge in there minds is. Allow them to be afrraid helpful.


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Posted

I would say it's frustrating being bisexual because of the feeling of not knowing what you want. Or of knowing you want both but you don't know how to handle it. I hate being with my boyfriend and having obsessive thoughts about girls.


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I'm lucky to be in a relationship with the absolute LOVE of my life (a guy), who is an occasional crossdresser, and whom I can relate to immensely We both sometimes experiment with other women.

I caution anyone thinking about that sort of relationship to make sure your relationship is solid, and you can be completely honest with eachother, first.

I finally came out to my boyfriend about a year ago, and we're closer than ever.


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Posted

My boyfriend knows I like women but he thinks of it as more of a novelty.... like he wants to have threesomes or watch me make-out with another female. I'm too selfish to want to share any women with him!


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jessicazylee
Posted

I hear about hte novelty thing... my ex would go around introducing me as his "bi girlfriend" [wink wink]. shoulda dumped his ass a lot earlier than I did.

what frustrates me is the gay community. at least in the heteronormative community, they could claim ignorance, but the gay community really should know better. here at Purdue there are some ppl who questioned my ability to be the president of the Queer Student Union, since I was in an opposite sex relationship.

screw them all. I was the president of the Queer Student Union, and its representative on the LGBTQ Advisory Board for the Vice President of Diversity, Presidents Round Table for Purdue Student Government, and CORE [Coalition of Organizations for Respect and Equality], the last of which I FOUNDED. I am also one of the founding sisters of Purdue's colony of Gamma Rho Lambda, a progressive sorority and the only social greek organization that welcomes transgender people. I fucking lobbied the administration through student government to amend purdue's non-discrimination policy to include gender identity and expression, genetic information and political affiliation as protected clauses.

call MY ability to be in a gay organization into question? how could you NOT welcome me?


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jessicazylee
Posted

[cough] the above resume is why my boyfriend is very very possessive of time spent with me, since I had very little free time.


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Posted

Wow. Ewwwww, people and their prejudices bother me. A LOT. I come from a family where every sort of sexual and gender orientation is present, and accepted, so I grew up not knowing that it WASN'T okay to other people. I try not to hate anyone, but people make it soooo difficult.....


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