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Nicolette_H-Z

At a loss.... - Love and Romance

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Nicolette_H-Z
Posted

So there is this girl in my life, that I adore and care very much about. For the, most part, we just click together. Mentally and Emotionally, I think, shes someone I could see myself with. However physically, there is nothing!!!!!!! I'm not in the slightest attracted to her at all. Nothing about her makes me just want to jump her and rip her clothes off, or have the desire to share intimate moments with her because of the lack of attraction. For example, I'm a big teddy bear when it comes to cuddling. Mm, I just love it. but with her, I don't want her to touch me or for me to touch her. So we will sleep in the same bed but hugging our corners because I'm to much of an ass to get over it. So then, I try and it makes me uncomfortable.
I'm lost because the girls Ive dated in the past have been physically attractive to me but they might have a shit personality, and then there is this girl that has an amazing personality but is so unattractive to me........
I tried dating her in hopes that it would get better but nothing, it just got worse. and when and if we would ever go to the bar I struggled so much to keep my eyes to myself. I dont know what to do, people say looks are not everything and I totally agree 100% but there has to be some level of physical attraction to make it, doesnt there?????
please help.


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in my opinion, physical attraction can be a contributing factor, but it is not the entirety of a relationship. That being said, do you two even share the slightest physical contact like kissing or holding hands or anything at all? I know several women who have only emotional relationships with women, and sexual ones with men, and neither sex can have both aspects of a relationship.

However I can understand. My ex was a wonderful girl whom I loved and cared about very much. I loved cuddling with her and doing the physical things most couples do. After our first few times of sex, I did not want her to touch me in a sexual sense, because I just wasnt attracted to her in a sexual sense. I do not understand why unless it simply was a matter of her inability to please me. Nevertheless, I still had the desire to cuddle and kiss her, but sex was not something I wanted from her.

Hope this helps!
Physical attraction is desirable however it should not be the primary focus. That being said, it is a bit odd and perhaps a tad unfair to the other half that you find yourself not wanting physical contact with her. For most lesbians, if they have shared a long term relationship, the need for sex tends to diminish, not in the sense of not wanting it, but in the sense of necessity. It is strange to me that physicality is repulsing you.


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Nicolette_H-Z
Posted

I've never had this problem with any other girl I've been with except her. She likes the contact, so I do it but I don't crave her touch. I dont desire it. And with other girls especially in the beginning of relationship its all about wanted to spend every waking moment together constantly making a physical connection. So this is just really strange for me. I know that physical apperance is not everything and I dont think it is by any means, I just think there has to be some level of attraction. Some sort of draw towards the other persons physicality.
Our sex was never a problem, I could shut off my mind emotionally and mentally so literally it was just sex. I was present in the sex, but my mind, heart and soul were as far away from the situation as possible. Once I realized I was doing this I broke up with her. I didnt think it was fair that she falls madly head over heals in love with me, well i shut down during sex because the physical attraction wasnt there.
I think it all comes down to i didnt want to give her the passion and intimacy because I didnt feel attracted to her. Man, that sounds bad but its true. How can i be tender, passionate, and intmate with someone i'm not attracted too?


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Nicolette_H-Z
Posted

I think if it were the other way around it would be the same answer.

Would you stay in a relationship with someone because they were hot even though they were a complete B***H in there personality. Of course not, so really why should this be any different....


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I FEEL U I THINK THAT SHYT IS HARD TO LOOK AT SOMEONE THAT NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE MAYBE IT WILL GROW ON U HOW LONG HAVE YALL BEEN TALKIN? I DONT PERSONALLY THINK LOOKS SHOULD BE THE MAJOR PART OF A RELATIONSHIP BUT IT WONT WORK IF THERE IS NO KIND OF ATTRACTION AT ALL IS NOTHIN ABOUT HOW SHE ACT OR LAUGH OR SMILE IS CUTE? U GOTTA HAVE SOMETHIN THERE CUZ PERSONALITY IS JUS GONE MAKE YALL THE BEST OF FRIENDS AND THEN IM SURE IT AINT FAIR TO HER FOR U TO BE FUCKIN WIT HA AND FUCKIN WIT HA MIND CUZ DEEP DOWN U DONT EVEN LIKE HER LIKE THAT IF U CANT HALDLE HA BEIN RATCHET THEN U MIGHT AS WELL HANG THAT UP AND GET U SOMEONE WHO IS SLIGHTLY ATTRACTIVE WITH A GOOD PERSONALITY THEN U SHOULD KEEP IT 100% WIT HA MAYBE SHE CAN GET A MAKEOVER AND BECOME A BOMB ASS BITCH WHO KNOWS LOL


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In my opinion, there has to be a sort of connection between two people in order for a relationship to grow. Mutual attraction so to speak. And if you didnt feel that at the start, then its not worth it. I had a lovely woman I was interested in, but there was no "spark". We are good friends, and best friends, even if she liked me more than she admitted. so I understand.


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