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Friend against gays... :( - Bi Bi Bi Women

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Posted

I've recently started dating this new guy. We got to talking about gay rights and what not and he mentioned how he doesn't get it and how he's against gays. I'm bisexual, I don't know what to tell him. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to be lying to him either. Help please??


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Posted

if he doesnt accept you the way you are? do you really want to be with him? truth sweety.. if you lose him, then he wasnt worth having to begin with. good luck sweety..


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Tamika_Taylor
Posted

I agree with Tawnya. Most people are some timid on gays and lesbians but when it comes to bisexuals, some just don't know if it's worth being with someone who notices both sexes. If he's okay that you still have a straight side then he's worth it but if he's going to keep howling on you that you have an attraction to girls, why waste your energy on a guy that's non-accepting to who you are? There are better guys who don't care as long as you remain faithful.


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Posted

A friend against gays is not a friend. If he can't accept gays, he can't accept you. You can try to educate him to let him know that we're not all perverts and child molesters that screw everything that moves--there are straight people like that, for God's sake!--we are human, and if we are not hurting anyone, who is to say that we are wrong? Tell him how YOU feel. If you can't be completely honest with him, then find someone else that is more open minded. Don't stress.


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Posted

I will give you advice from personal experience: I dated a very staunch christian man who I came out to as being bisexual. Although we continued to date, he was always uncomfortable with that fact and looked down on me for it. This only made things worse when I started to truly care for him- he could never look past it,
I'm not saying this is how it will be for you- perhaps he will react well. The only way to find out is to be honest. If he doesn't love EVERYTHING about you, then he's not really worth being with.
He doesn't have to understand it or accept everything all at once.. but if he can at least show a little openness to support you and learn more- that would be a start.


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Posted

Being bi is just as much who you are, as who he is. I don't get why people have such a problem with it. I had a gf who was bi, my twin-sister was bi, my youngest daughter is bi. I've heard so often how bi's are fence sitters, how they'll jump any & every gal & guy. Such rubbish. Sounds like your bf needs to be educated, get him to look it up on the net.


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Renee_Pleasants
Posted

I met my husband a couple yrs ago and I told him the first time we talked who I am. He understood. Most of his friends are lesbian. I lucked out. He lets me have my "feminine fill" but my loyalty lies with him and my kids. The women I meet understand as well. You just have to have an open communication.


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Posted

I agree about you being you and if he can't accept it then he isn't right for you, but I can understand your fear and not wanting to lose him. It can be really upsetting when you find out someone you're dating doesn't agree with it.

I remember years ago when I met a guy who I was nuts about and then he found out I was bisexual (I wasn't completely out of the closet back then). It didn't go down well at all. Turns out he was one raging biphobe, but in between his tirades and abuse he was really sweet. He could accept every other part of me, just not my sexuality which in the end isn't healthy because that means he couldn't accept me for me.

Because of that I tried to stick with him and down play my bisexuality, but in the end it wasn't worth it. He was so toxic and made me feel really sh*t about myself. No one should make you feel bad to be you and no one should make you scared to tell them who you really are enough to not completely be yourself with them. I'd recommend telling him if you haven't already. You never know what's going to happen, he may take it really well or not at all, but at least you've been true to yourself in the end.

Good luck and I hope it does turn out for the best, whatever that will be.


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Posted

I still haven't told him that I'm bi. But I had another conversation with him yesterday and he said that he was more so joking around. His brother is gay and he's extremely close to him. He thought I knew about that, so when we were originally talking, he thought I knew he was joking. I'm hoping to tell him eventually, but I'm not exactly out to anyone other than my close friends yet...


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Tamika_Taylor
Posted

When the time is right, you'll know.


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Posted

That's good to hear Samantha, especially if his brother is gay. Hopefully he'll be far more open to it then other people (it's usually the case with a gay sibling).


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Posted

I think he will be. But that doesn't make it any easier to come out to him. But I think I'll be able to with time.


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Posted

It's not easy, but you can do it. Find a relaxed moment and let him know. Deep down you will muster the courage. All the best!


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