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Hi! I'm a new group member! TOPIC: Difficulty meeting women. - Lesbian Ladies

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Hello ladies, and gentle studlings! The name is Tiff, nice to meet ya. Just by browsing this group I can say it's a good place to be noticed. So, NOTICE ME! Hehe.
To the point, though...
I'm a tomboyish femme, trapped in good ol' conservative Virginia, where the gay population is hardly existent and mostly hidden. I live on a peninsula, and in order to get to the "gay community", I have to cross a bridge, which is usually a 30-48 minute drive to wherever the skittle party is at. I very much struggle with meeting women, mostly because they're not on my level physically or mentally here, or I want to stay out of the DRAMA TRIANGLES (which, I'm very good at), or because no one hits on me. Unless they're BUTCH. Not my type. :-\
I know it's old news that femmes have a hard time hooking up, because no one assumes we're gay. I've been insulted in a gay bar over it. It's very frustrating. I'm really trying to find a different approach to this whole gay thing, in general...Am I doing something wrong....or is it just the women here? I really think I'll have to move to surround myself with classy, mature, beautiful women like myself. I have unfortunately gotten the closest to women who seem unsure about their sexuality, and we end up becoming intimate friends, without the benefits...How could you not want to be my lil ol' girlfriend? I don't want to be an asshole who plays hard to get...I'm always sweet as well as open about my sexuality. Okay...CONVERSE, ya'll!
GO!


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Posted

I wish i knew the answer to your question, but i'm way to inexperience. I have no idea how to meet girl that like other girls that why i'm on different social free websites hoping to meet the one. i do want a girlfriend but i currently having trouble (probably to impatient). So, I'm taking the wait and see approach.

Good luck! hope you like the site


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Posted

You've been insulted in a gay bar? o__o Were you not gay enough for them or something? It never fails to amaze me how the gay community can sometimes ostracize its own members. Like it isn't hard enough being gay without people saying stupid things like, "YOU'RE TOO STRAIGHT TO BE GAY."

I wish I knew the answer to your question too, to be honest. Unfortunately, I seem to have this terrible weakness for straight women. I'll be totally attracted to them, and then they'll be like, "so on the weekend, MY BOYFRIEND AND I blahblahblah," and then we end up being friends.


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Posted

Lmao wong u funny!!! Maybe it is the area or circle yor're in. I live on the West side, San Diego CA to be more specific and I am as gay as one can be and I have yet to be insulted and unfortable about how gay I am in any, shape or form. I love being a fem and i feel soooo at home when in HillCris(which is the area for our kind) there always a conversation you can jump into or u can just stay at the bar and let the conversation come to you. I know i might be sounding like an advertizer but it's true and coming from the caribbean where you can die just for saying the word gay it was a relief to be welcome by people that kinda get you. About the other question in my opinion that's on you, if your standard is set higher than than the bar of your area then you might run into some problems. Not saying you should settle now just saying look at what you got and compare it to what you want. How I helped you out a lil and dont give up lol.


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Posted

Wow, I envy you, Maya! It's partially the area and partially the circle, I think. I'm in Melbourne, Australia, but a lot of my friends are Asians from Asia-- they're very close-minded and traditional. (One of them called homosexuals a "species". I was stunned.) A lot of Aussies are more open-minded, but I've actually felt out of place before when I tried to enter my university's queer community because I'm asexual as well as gay-- the fact that I've never had a girlfriend and never feel the inclination to have sex makes the community less welcoming toward me. It's really weird.

... I'd love to go to HillCris though, it sounds amazing. XD


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Thank you three for taking the time to acknowledge my challenging question! Hehe. I assume we all struggle with meeting women because they are a complicated, yet beautiful species. I guess it's about being at the right place at the right time.
And yes, I was insulted in a gay bar. I often hear, "You don't look gay." Too bad one of the women who said it was butch as all hell. I suppose it's more jealousy for my versatility, but I wouldn't date or be friends with someone that ignorant and shallow anyway.
I'm quite aware of a vast gay population in California...especially femmes. I feel like Cali welcomes them in the way it is and is perceived... as "upscale", "Hollywood", or "glamorous".. I'd love to live there if I could afford it. I would definitely like to go someday as I know people I could stay with if I flew. I would hopefully not run into my ex girlfriend in San Diego! Hahaha.
And Wong, I think your situation is interesting! I'm sure there are others like you...The ones who you associate with may not understand your sexuality completely, but we're all different for a beautiful reason. I've seen a lot of gay Australian women on the web. You should visit PinkCupid.com if you haven't. I saw some and was jealous that they don't live here. Hahah.

Is it just me though, or does it feel like most women really want a masculine partner? It's so frustrating that the stereotypical match is butch+femme. I want my women to look like women!


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Posted

You guys can call me Rachel, I'm more comfortable with that than my surname. XD Also, I hadn't heard of PinkCupid before! I'll have to check it out.

Also... hmm, that's a good question! Funnily enough, I think that when it comes to surface attraction, I gravitate toward butch girls; but when it comes to any sort of deeper attraction, I gravitate toward more feminine girls. Quite honestly, butch girls make me turn my head and go, "wow, they're hot," but when it comes to harboring really deep crushes, my history so far has been for... well, women that look like women. XD So don't lose hope!


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Posted

my take on this is maybe a little different. i avoid gay bars like the plague. i'm better at meeting women randomly or in seemingly straight bars where I can play let's find the lesbian. Like you tiffany I'm not one for the whole butch/femme thing. i like women who are pretty, smart, funny, ones who don't take themselves too seriously. More importantly women who don't think their 'gayness' is who they are. for me, it's just part of who i am. my problem is not in meeting women for casual hook-ups, even FWB's, but with finding the girl for a LTR. That one baffles me. And living in DC, it's not like there aren't tons of gay women around.


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Posted

LOL 'Let's find the Lesbian' sounds like a fun game


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Posted

it is. but you kinda have to be in touch with The Force to activate your gaydar. i'm frequently surprised at the correctness of some of guesses in the game. also by my errors which i always blame on malfuntioning gaydar


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Posted

lols...I need a new gaydar, the crappy one that acme sent doesn't seem to work.

anywho....kind of sucks that we live in different states because I too am living in a conservative state (neb) and am attracted to fems (doms too which makes it harder). Your games sounds like fun btw. Unfortunately I think I'd have better luck on a college campus than at the bar.


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Posted

i'm on campus a lot and have met a lot of women there. a lot of them were bi or curious which doesn't interest me a whole lot, in fact not at all, but then there are the ones who are what i like; lesbians. i also get hit on a lot, and sometimes it takes awhile for me to figure out what their deal is.


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Posted

Lol maaan can I relate..didn't read everything but 1) last time I had a gf was almost 5 years ago!! I think im pretty good looking (especially for a girl who likes girls) and girls do notttttt ever try to pursue anything with me. I always start the conversation first and am real chill but idk girls just don't like me! And I only been to a gay bar once but like someone said earlier, I looked too "straight" for them lmao. It was technically valentines day and they were handing out heart lollipops to everyone who was gay (or who they thought looked gay) and since the door girl didnt know me cause it was my frist time there she thought I was straight. Gay dudes and butchier lesbians were getting ahead of me in line when they were behind me too cause the girl was like oh yeah ill serve you. I was offended. I have long hair so what, I was wearing a boys T shirt at the gay club...how is that straight -.-


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that i find to be typical of gay bars and is why i avoid them. there's this weird judging thing that a lesbian is supposed to look and dress a certain way. and you are more than pretty good-looking. you could always play my game: go to a straight and play 'find the lesbian'. i'm only half joking. i have no idea what the problem is. when you start the conversation with girls do you know they're gay or what? i do know that if you lived in DC, I'd hit on you as would a ton of other girls. maybe it's the environment where you're living....


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Posted

aha aw yeah the girls i talk to are gay, and I know them a little bit, Idk what it is


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I think some girls are too shy to hit on girls they're not sure about. It's easier for people when the way you look matches what they think you are. I'm shy but when I see a fem, even when I'm not sure they're gay or not, well I certainly hope they are.


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Posted

Sam...you're hott. Lol. I have the same problem! Obviously.


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Posted

I find myself having the same problem (-_-) i like to feel feminine so i dress more girlie but that tends to attract more butches than anything. granted i dont have a type but i tend to be attracted to femme lesbians. lol you know, "fem in the streets, studd in the sheets" kind of women that are hard to find. i also have the problem where i'm too shy to approach girls i'm not sure about.


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Lynette_Lowe
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Its not just women where u r its women in general. What I don't get is what is with the butch thing...if i wanted someone who looked like a guy i would be straight. I like women who look like women. And it takes me til I'm pretty close to legless b4 i have any guts to go hit on anyone...probably why I'm a work-aholic and intellectual


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Posted

I didn't meet the girl im engaged to, Misty, in a gaybar or anywhere else along those lines. We met while I was working at mrs. fields cookies and misty came to grab some free cookies from my supervisor because they're real close friends. My supervisor introduced us and we've been inseperable ever since. So me and my girl met by random chance, which is the best way I think.

Hasnt anyone ever noticed that you find what you're looking for once you stop searching for it? When your hunting for a girl, you tend to either end up with a one night stand or nothing at all. So let life take it's course and you'll find someone.


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lyndsey you are so right. when you're hunting i think there's a sense of desperation that other girls easily pick up on. for me the best has way has always been me engaging in random chat with a girl i find attractive not even knowing if she's gay, and all of a sudden. WHAM! It's exactly how i met my last and ex g/f


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Posted

lol to what lynette said. thats what my ex always says. its true though, you're a lesbian because you like girls so why date a girl who looks like a boy. however some boyish lesbians are cute, ones with the Shane androgynous look but come on! If you're a lesbian you love a woman's body so why? i think it's because a lot of lesbians still like to feel like the girl in the relationship and feel more comfortable when roles are more obvious. And butch lesbians just feel more comfortable dressing on the boyish side.


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Kimberly_Norman_40522
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Im like the 'girly girl look" you know...Hell yeah I want a woman to look like a woman...not against butch ...but I rather look at the lipstick chic and that is the best turn on..And I like to look and feel like a woman muself. I like to pammper her and make her feel as the most precious thing in this world...Women should be held on a pedestal..i know that sounds out there but I want that person to know they have all of me ...Im either all or none..I met mine right here on Gays.com


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HAVe you tried Craigslist??? THat's where I met my girl and we'vebeen together for almost a year! MY friends criticized me for going on there but I had the same problem where I lived in a area that was over religious and no one was out etc....


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