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Sarah_Barton_36519

Is anyone ever confused to s#@t by their sexuality?! - Bi Bi Bi Women

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Sarah_Barton_36519
Posted

I know there's the whole "I'm not confused, I'm bisexual!" thing, and I used to pretty much live by that haha ...but I feel like I knew more about my sexuality in the seventh grade than I do now! I think maybe it's just because I don't know many other bisexual people. Pretty much anyone I know who has at one point identified as bi, now identifies as gay. Sometimes I feel like that's me.... but at the same time, I have definitely liked guys in the past. I dated a guy for a year and a half leading up to this past September, and can honestly say I was in love with him, but since then I've only found myself attracted to girls. The label really shouldn't be a big deal, I'm mostly just trying to figure myself out. Has anyone else been through this sort of confused state I'm talking about? haha I'm fairly certain that I AM bisexual, I think I just need to meet some other people like me so that it doesn't seem like such a foreign concept. When you're constantly surrounded by either straight people or lesbians/gays, you can find yourself and your sexual orientation not making much sense. Everyone seems to think bi girls are a) "in transition" / "in denial", b) really desperate for love, or c) following a trend (at some point, it seems that being bi became the cool new thing...)

Okay, so that post didn't make a lot of sense.... I'm kinda just thinking out loud, it just helps me to put my thoughts into words sometimes; trying to clear my head to get back to studying. Any feedback would be nice, I'd love to hear from you!


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Lindsey_Schnell
Posted

Oh my gosh, I know exactly what you mean! I just had this conversation with a friend of mine. I know I'm very into women, and since I discovered this, I've found myself growing more and more attracted to women, and less and less focused on men. I've had past relationships with guys, and I'm currently in sort of a relationship with a guy I've been really close with for a long time, and I know I'm very attracted to him. But when I think about guys in general, it doesn't really do much for me. I always find myself looking for a girl to date, I'm always longing for that fulfillment from a female. My interests anymore are girls and him. I'm always second-guessing my sexuality, because you're right, being bisexual isn't nearly as common as being gay or straight. Plus, society doesn't seem to take bisexuality seriously. On top of all that, being bisexual is nothing like being straight or gay. There is room in your heart for a man and a woman, and although they are both people you are attracted to, they are two separate entities. You can't compare loving a man with loving a woman. And the love for the man in your life will never interfere with the love for the woman in your life, and vice versa. It's like putting a separate heart into your body that loves the same sex. One heart loves men, one loves women. It's impossible to understand from a straight/gay standpoint, because loving both sexes is unique to only bisexuals. *sigh* I'm just as confused as you.


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Sarah_Barton_36519
Posted

Well I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in this!


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Sarah_Barton_36519
Posted

90/10, eh? I don't think I'm that far to one side (although I'm seeming to like women more and more, men less and less), I think I'm something like a 4 on the Kinsey scale (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale)... haha Unfortunately, there are no gay bars or anything in my area. I'd have to do a bit of travelling for that...lol Oh well, I'm just looking forward to pride week in Toronto this summer!

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Sarah_Barton_36519
Posted

haha Thanks for all the advice! I know the Kinsey Scale is just one thing, and that it's vague, I just find it's a little more accurate than just saying that I'm bi.

And I know I'm young, I figure there's lots of time to figure this stuff out (and I might need that time!)

I'm about 2-3 hours from Toronto. So it's a bit of a drive, but I get up there once in a while.

And yeah, technically I already am "out". All my close friends know, parents, etc. And it's on Facebook, but I find you'll notice that nobody ever checks the "interested in" section unless they're gay/bi too!

I've been pretty lucky as far as not getting too many homophobic comments. I'm generally surrounded by people who either are accepting of LGTBQ people, or who are still respectful and refrain from making comments. The only thing I've really noticed excessively is the frequent saying of "that's so gay" when expressing displeasure, and trying to say something is stupid. I'm always just like "oh yes... that is so homosexual...?"


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Callie_Haymond
Posted

I'm in the same boat! It's common I think. You're not alone...


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Jennifer_Johns
Posted

You make some very interesting points. Until recently, I would say i was a bi-sexual woman. Now I know exactly what i want to be with and that's another female. I have had relationships with men and women. To me, the stonger ones have been with women. I was engaged to a man about twnty years older than myself. That didn't turn out well at all. I was raised in a very religous household. Homosexuality was considered a sin. While I respect everyones rights to their own opinion, I feel like being raised that way has made me try to hide who I am most of my life. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the look of the male body. to me it's beautiful. But not near as beautiful as a womans. I connect more with woman, especially on an emotional level. I guess what it comes down to girl, is love whoever the hell you want to love, and don't let anyone tell you any different!


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Posted

Amen, sista! Well said!


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Callie_Haymond
Posted

I 2nd that!!!


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By the way I'm Lexxie I'm 30 years old, live in Sin city Vegas and I just joined this group. Look my advice to you is that you'll always like both sexes, you'll just prefer one more that the other and I speak from experience. I came out to my family when I was 12yo and it was hard cause everyone slaps a label on you and expect you to be able to identify with it . If you're worrying about your public image you'll never focus on what makes you happy. I can't say when I figured it out but I began labeling myself as just me. I love women and I like men but I only date women. My sexual preferance can not be determined by a scale or someone's point of view being bisexual is a definite sexuality and if I had to label myself so people outside of my world could see I would definitely label myself bisexual. You just have to make that promise to yourself not to settle until you yourself know that you are where you are supposed to be.


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Callie_Haymond
Posted

Hey, I like she-males too, but I find myself more and more interested in women everyday. Help: slim pickins in Manchester, TN!!!


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Callie_Haymond
Posted

Oh and one more thing, lucky lady who had a 3sum w/ the couple (man/ woman with the female being bi-sexual, I am so happy for you and would like to live vie-care-ous-ly through you. I wud love to find a couple that I could maybe be with on a reg basis. If I could be with both everyday either 3sum or seperatly I wud be such a happy camper. The perfect set up for me would be black man and white bi woman, I don't know why, I just really feel like that would float my boat...lol!!!


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Posted

i think i was born bi-sexual. i was born disabled, not in wheelchair. i knew i was differrent but didin't know how. i loved the way girls looked growing up, but tryed to forgee
t about it. when i was 13 i had a thing with a 13 year old girl. i loved it and wanted more, but still didn't want 2 b diffrent r a freak 2 people. i just lived a normal life. i got married didn't have any children. got divorced found a new man in my life. i was finally happy i thought. one day i was going to colorado to c my brother, i met a girl there that ways bi. she was so pretty. we kissed and held hands etc... she told me i was bi. it was really wonderful to know i was not a freak. i was bi. my boyfriend did not take it well at all. he thought i was leaving him 4 a woman. i told him no i want both. over the year we talked about about it and had our first 3sum. we were happy.
a couple of years ago i told my family they did not agree if me being bi. they thought i was lebian. i have a lebian cousin and a gay brother. i told them no i love my man and a woman. my family still loves me very much they want me to b happy. but we just dont talk about my sex life.
my point is that i lived a normal life not being who i was mainly cuz i did not know. i just have to b who i am now. if people don't like that they can go 2 hell.
ladies u got 2 b yourselves cuz if u don't it will tear u up inside being who u r not.


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Posted

Hi Ladies,
I don't know if I was born bi or not. What I do know is that I enjoyed "reading" the hustler magazines that our male babysitter caught us reading one day when I was about 10. He, of course, handled it classicly. He said let's find something more age appropriate for you to read, by the way, where did you find these? My brother (5 at the time) said in daddy's dresser drawer. He put them back, and said nothing more of it. I also know I had fun with a hs friend, just kissing, and caressing eachother (we were17). She moved out state shortly after that. I know that I tried to hide these incidents at the young ages by getting married, having 2 children with the 1st husband, and 3 children with the 2nd husband. I had a lesbian affair on my 1st husband, which he never found out about (about 3 years into a 13 year marriage).
Today, I am with another man, who has recently told me "choose. me or women, not both." You weren't raised that way. HELP!! My problem is I can't choose. I love both him and women. I am in danger of losing a man I really DO love. Any suggestions??


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Tor_Saff
Posted

in all honestly i hate ultimatums. But saying that if i had to choose to be with a man i truely love NOW i would stay with him BUT there is always that chance that i could fall madly in love with a woman just as easily as i could fall in love with another man. i guess you kinda have to ask yourself: are you truely happy with him? will it last? and do you want to be with a woman again?

it's hard though.


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Posted

Thank You Becky,
These are the same questions that have been running through my head, and are 3 toughest questions I have ever had to answer for myself. I also hate ultimatums. I have and still am meditating on these questions.
Thank You.
You are right, it's not so hard getting with a woman, as anwering which is most important.


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Posted

You know Tammy and Becky, ultimatums suck. You are who you are, and bisexuality is an individual thing. Everybody's different, and Bis are not running around screwing everything that moves. I think the best thing is to be honest, first with yourself, then with your spouse if you are married or your boyfriend or girlfriend. They need to know that you have these feelings toward women. In my opinion, if you think that you have to explore and act on these feelings, you have to communicate that to him, and hope that he is secure enough to allow you to have a female lover once in a while. I believe you are both going to have to create a set of rules you are comfortable with involving taking on a lover. I am still involved in the menage situation, and I had to wait on getting back with them because the timing has not been right. But I will see them again in a week or so. I am in no way attached to the woman OR the man. I just want to have fun and explore my sexuality. She isn't falling in love with me, either. She's in love with her man. I have time with her privately for a while, then he joins in. He DOES NOT KISS ME. HE DOES NOT GO DOWN ON ME. She isn't comfortable with that, and I respect that. But I am also aware this situation isn't going to last forever. Just this summer probably. I too prefer women, and will probably find a female partner when all is said and done. I will be completely honest with her and tell her my feelings. I may want to see a man, but really not often enough to even warrant some kind of emotional connection with him. Whoever this man is, he better be respectful and considerate enough to know I want my physical needs addressed and I DON'T need him ejaculating and calling it quits, leaving me waiting to come. He MUST use protection. HE BETTER RESPECT MY PARTNER.
If she (my partner) doesn't want to share me with anyone, and I love her very much, I can just say, you know what? That's fine. I don't need anyone else, because this person completes me and satisfies all of my desires, physical, emotional, and spiritual. That ends any drama whatsoever.
Keep meditating, and I hope that you find the answers that will make you happy.


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Posted

Thank You Daielle,
I will continue to meditate on it, and decide how to and which of those questions are most important to me. You are right, I do need to take into account my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs.
Thank You.


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Haley_Brookes
Posted

you're not alone, i go through the same types of things. for a while i thought i was a lesbian because i was feeling less for men and more for women. the main thing that made me realize that i wasn't was the fact that when i was trying to make myself myself choose a side i felt really depressed and once i accepted that i was bi and let my feelings just flow i felt so much more natural and happy. I think it's perfectly normal for bisexuals to think they are confused or be confused, just cause you're tastes change so much over time. i've realized that i need both in my life to make me happy, not at the same time obviously, i get really possessive... i find it easier to imagine myself loving a guy emotionally just cause guys are great in their own way but i don't find them as physically attractive as women. it's much easier for me to get turned on by women than men, i can even just get turned on by women only and be fine, and i think that was another thing that made me think i was gay. i still could get turned on by men though, just not as much, and i made myself not feel anything because i wanted to be gay because i didn't want to face the bisexual stereotypes and that really did some damage. even though i am generally more physically attracted to females and emotionally to men i still now that in general i love both and that it i could definitely be emotionally attracted to girl(i already have) even if picturing a relationship with a man may be easier because lesbian relationships can be more intense, and that i could definitely find a sexy guy and be attracted to him physically, even though i like women's bodies more. bisexuality is much more complex than people think it is, and it ranges differently from person to person. just let yourself flow. good luck


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Posted

Thank You Haley,
You are right, we do need to let ourselves "just flow" I finally let my mother know I was bi, that went about as well as me telling her I was pagan in the same conversation. She took it upon herself to tell me that both were an abomination to god. I told her today, after finding out that my step-dad may have cancer, that now matter which god or gods we serve, we can ask the angels to help him (this is probably the only part we agreed on- the angels). She said she still loves me,but does not agree with my spiritual or sexual "choices". I have decided I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks of me or my beliefs! I have been told for 40 years to be what everyone else wants me to be, I can and will think for myself and if they don't like it, they can f**k themselves!! This fight culminated between me and my bf, and we decided I could have my space if I needed it, but not cheat on him.


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Posted

Im going through this right now. And wow, everyone gives some good advice . Made me feel loads better. But what if the society that you're in doesn't actually have an active/big LGBT community. I feel like I'm being forced to be totally straight just cuz of that reason. Not meeting a lot or ANY lesbian/bi girls. Its kinda getting lonely ...


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Posted

lol.... valerie... you should come to the philippines... so amny bi and les there than here in singapore.... i think you are the first person i get to know here in sg...

with regards with this topic... i am also experiencing some of that feelings....lol... kinda sad...


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Posted

I live in Anoka, MN, they do not have a large or active LGBT community. The closest one to me is in Minneapolis, MN. If I want to get to a bar or other organization that deals with those in the LGBT community, I have to go to minneapolis (about 30 minutes away). It is tough, but this site does help.


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