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Nyki_Padula

opinions!!! please thanks. :) - Poetry Group

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Posted

I wrote this poem, inspired by a girl that I had been dating up until...well, about a week ago. We broke up and then tried to hang out as just friends, and it wasn't working in the worst way... And then I wrote this. I'd love to hear your opinions on it....it's really different from my normal style of writing (really flowery, really descriptive, fun) and I wanna make it better.
Hope you enjoy! And if you don't, that's okay, too!


You Seem Familiar

You seem familiar-
you're the one with the inward smile
the painter's brush
and all the gently giving curvature and swaying lines
to which these hands prayed, skin to skin
but I may be mistaken.

I somewhat remember a person with whom I used to speak
our words like spritely fencers,
the tips of our blunt swords leaving a spray of blue dots on our sides, the floor, my heart.

I think I remember what you look like
but you're so far away, I can't see.
across a busy street
cars criss-crossing, obscuring my vision.
I catch a glimpse of flying florals, their colors weeping; running, just as you did.

You almost resemble the person that had lain in my bed
who gave me her hand, small and strong
whose feet pitter-pattered like rain.
I might be wrong.
I don't think I am.


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Posted

I don't see anything wrong with this at all!! I love this it's amazing. It has beautiful imagery i'm like really in love with this piece!!!


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Posted

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it, Miranda!
When I said that it differs from my style normally, I didn't mean I thought that was bad, either. :P Just an observation! I guess that's what happens when I'm writing about something that actually upsets me.

I'm very very happy that you enjoyed it, though.


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