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A story i wrote. Warning: highly sexual beginning. - Writers Nook

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My lips were pressed against Sora‘s, with all my force. My hand were in his back pocket, his on my chest. I began to place lustful kisses down Sora’s neck, as he reached under my shirt. I let out a low moan as Sora played with my nipples, rubbing them till they lay erect. Sora smiled into the kiss I was placing on his soft, pink lips. I pulled off his shirt as he forcefully pushed me into his bedroom. Now, we were both laying shirtless on his bed. Sora was straddling me, as I desperately tried to unzip his pants By the time I finally managed to pull the zipper down on Sora’s pants, he had already removed mine along with my under wear, and was taking things to the next level. I moaned as Sora wrapped his mouth around my dick. I dug my fingers into his hair as he swallowed more. The feeling was so amazing it almost felt unreal. Sora had the most beautiful face. His dark hair was as shiny as the wigs they wear in those shampoo commercials. His skin as smooth as silk, as it rubbed against me. Even his body was perfectly sculpted, but the thing that captivated me the most was his deep blue eyes. When Sora looked as me with those eyes nothing seemed real. They penetrated my soul, and left me breathless and with a loss of words. “AH!” Sora’s finger pushed into my ass. My body tingled with pain as he inserted a second finger, but the sensation soon wore off and it began to feel very good. Sora now removed his finger and repositioned himself before entering me. “EH!” The pain rushed through my body again and didn’t wear off as quickly this time. Sora moved around a bit before he thrust himself rapidly and repeatedly into me. He yelled my name as he came. “Miki!” “Miki!” His voice became more and more feminine each time he yelled. I blinked in confusion. When I opened my eyes I saw my ceiling, and heard my sister calling my name from outside my bedroom door. This had to be the 5th time I’ve dreamt about having sex with Sora this week. At first I thought it was just lust, but I think I might actually be falling for him. Though its was so against my beliefs. Waking up was always so painful. Knowing that Sora, beautiful Sora, would never love another man let alone myself. I splashed cold water on my face to help wake myself up. I knew I had to go to school.

It was the beginning of second period, and I had writing. I had written a poem which was due today. I had to recite it in front of the class and I was nervous as fuck. There was something I about confessing feelings that made me sweat even if it was a shitty poem that meant nothing. It hadn’t taken my long to write my poem. Words weren’t my problem, just saying them was. “Sora” the teacher called. It took a few seconds for me to realize that I was Sora. I walked up to the front of the class. “Beauty is the radiance of being.” I said in a quite shaky voice. “Sora could you speak a little louder?” “Yes.” I replied picking up my back and talking in a louder stronger voice:

“Beauty is the radiance of being.
The experience of beauty binds us more fiercely to life, thus enhancing our chances of survival.
Every moment of being is a moment of indescribable grace.
We perceive this grace, however, to a greater or lesser degree, depending on how much attention we pay to it.
Thus when we are anxious or preoccupied or grieving or in pain we see very little beauty in being. But when we turn our gaze, we are consumed by its glory.
The function of art is to turn our gaze towards beauty.
Dissonance and ugliness, tragedy and sorrow, bring us to the edge of paradise, where we may yearn Even more for what is not there.
Being is uniformly radiant. Nothing is more or less beautiful except in our perception.
Should we shift our perception, then, we would see equal radiance in all things.”
I looked up from my paper, making it clear that I had finished my poem.

“Beauty is the radiance of being.” Its been two weeks since those words have swept me off my feet.
Two weeks ago, during second period Sora recited a poem. I’m not sure if it was his gorgeous voice or not, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything more beautiful. When I heard those words come out o those perfect lips I no longer doubted my love for Sora. I knew I was definitely completely head over heels in love with this boy and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I didn’t even consider the thought that maybe he loved me too. Sora, was without a doubt straight, and that was a painful truth I’d have to live with.
Its 12:02 and I’m sitting at a table alone in the cafeteria. Suddenly I look up and see Sora bringing his tray toward me. Sora paused and asked for permission before sitting in a spot dangerously close to me. Its wasn’t rare for Sora to sit with me during lunch-I mean we were friends; but I don’t think my heart has ever beat as fast as it did when Sora smiled and said “What’s up?” The two of us casually talked while my heart beat’s speed increased. “So, do you want to see that knew movie with Katie Yelops in it?” Sora asked. Oh No! Not those eyes again! Sora was looking at me with his beautiful dark blue eyes that made me forget everything. Except for him. Love was racing through my vains. I was completely absorbed in Sora. He bit his lip. The suspense was overwhelming. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I passionately kissed Sora, digging my hands into his beautiful dark hair. Suddenly, I realized what I was doing and I pulled myself away and looked into Sora’s deep eyes. All I read from them was utter disgust. Shit, what have I done?! I’ve ruined my life. No one will ever look at me the same again. I fled from the cafeteria tears streaming down my face, and continued running till I got home.

I sat in the cafeteria, my body stiff and numb. I could still feel the tingle of Miki’s soft lips lingering on my own. His scent still filled the air and my hair was still brushed back by his long fingers. I remained in shock for at least two more minutes, before I had an epiphany. It was Miki. It was Miki that kept me up all night. It was Miki that filled my dreams. It was Miki that I wanted, and it was Miki that I had to get. I stood up and exited the cafeteria. I didn’t pay any attention to the fact that school wasn’t over yet, and the trouble I’d be getting myself into. I just had to tell Miki how I felt. Its strange really, feeling this way about another man. I had never really thought about it before, but now that I do I don’t really believe that there is anything wrong with it. Even stranger, was the fact that Miki would go and kiss me like that. He was such a faithful Christian that it seemed like something he would find sinful and wrong. I smiled when my thoughts drifted back to Miki, as I continued walking to his house.

What have I done? What have a done?! WHAT HAVE I DONE?! In my mind I knew that Jesus would forgive me, but in my heart I knew that Sora never would. And frankly, the most powerful organ in the human body (metaphorically speaking of course) is the heart, and mine had completely shattered. The tears that broke out when I saw the look on Sora’s face were still flooding down my face. I wish could just forget Sora, and move on with my life. Find a nice girlfriend, ask god for forgiveness and live my life to its fullest. But it wasn’t that simple, I loved Sora with every sinful bone in my body, which was growing weak. It was crystal clear now, like the sun through a transparent window. I can’t live without him in my arms. I rushed into the bathroom, clumsily knocking things over as if I were drunk. ohhhhh Sora.. I thought has I dug through the drug cabinet searching for the most deadly capsules possible. After a few seconds of searching I thought I deserved a more painful death, for the terrible crime I had committed. I rushed into the kitchen and returns to the bathroom with a large, sharp knife. I stood in the bathtub and stabbed myself some where in the stomach area, and produced a loud scream as I fell into the bathtub hitting my head hard on the glass edge. My blood covered hand ran down the bathroom wall as I fell leaving a large print. I weakly took my left hand and in my own blood I wrote my heart across the tile wall, before I shut my eyes forever.

When I arrived at Miki’s house the front door was half open, but no one seemed to be there. “Hello?!” I called into the house. No one answered. I cautiously stepped inside. “Meak…?” I called as I wandered around look through each room in the house. No one seemed to be there, but as I walked passed the bathroom door I caught an image in the mirror I was sure wasn’t real. I was an image of Miki, floating in his own blood in the tub. Dead. I quickly turned around and darted into the bathroom. “OH MY GOD MIKI!” I exclaimed in horror as tears began to stream down my face. Sure enough, Miki was gone and his body remained in his blood filled bathtub. I needed to be with Miki, and I wanted more then anything for him to step out of the tub at this moment and embrace me, but I knew that it couldn’t happen that way. If Miki dies, I die too. I thought to myself as I whimpered at the pain in my heart. I stepped into the crimson liquid and lay myself next to Miki. I wrapped my arm around his cold body and kissed his colorless face. As I did so, I noticed a bloody etching on the tiled wall I love you Sora. It read. “I love you too, Miki.” I whispered into his lifeless ear. It was then that I realized that beauty wasn’t the radiance of being, love was. And Miki was the radiance of my life.

Miki’s body, along with Sora’s was found dead in the bathtub of his house on November 23rd 2008. The two were buried in next to each other in a cemetery close to their school. A poem was written on the back of Sora’s gravestone. It was one he had written himself, titled: Beauty.


Great start! The story holds up and I've always been partial to passionate stories, and this one is about as passionate as possible, however, maybe just a tad too much; more on that later. Sora's poem was beautiful.

My first suggestion, however, is that if you plan to keep the narration of the story between Miki and Sora, DON'T begin each person's paragraph with thier name. In most of them, the dialogue and descriptions perfectly indicate whether it's Miki or Sora is talking at that moment, and to always begin a paragraph with the character's name is -- forgive me -- sophomoric and cloying and does not add clarity that isn't already there.

My other big feeling is that if you have to include a suicide -- more like a double suicide in this case -- don't bring it on so quickly. Basically, I didn't feel like I got to know Miki or Sora, and I certainly didn't feel like I understood Miki's inner struggle. Without these things, thier deaths seemed more like voyuer gore than the deep emotional loss and profundity I imagine you were going for. DEVELOP THE CHARACTERS!!!!!!

I'm sure I sound like the strict english teacher everyone loves to hate, and I'm sorry if I do, but even if it doesn't always sound like it, I really think this story has tons of potential and I want to encourage you to play with it and develop it further so that you can reach this tale's potential. Good luck! =)

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