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David_Vila

Odd or Not? - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

Advise needed... I just met this guy. Our first date was last Friday. Great guy; good looking and he's my age too. We are actyally going on another date this Friday. I like him but not sexually! Not yet anyway... Is that odd?


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Posted

I believe that the best relationships start out with friendship. Get to know him and if it should happen you still feel no sexual desire t least you have a friend.


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Liam_Martin-Lane
Posted

I'd second Terry's comment - don't worry if you don't feel the sexual desire straight away - if the mutual love and affection is there, then the sexual sparks can follow


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Posted

Stay clam and don't worry. Just let nature take its course..


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Posted

You never can tell where a relationship can lead--you may become b est friends and that is important too


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Marcus_Sykes
Posted

All the above is totally true :-)
We all need friends / shoulder to cry on. Love is a different matter all together !
Nobody understands that !
Let things go smoothly - if it has to happen - it will.


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Keith_Imeson
Posted

what have you got to lose go out have fun it doesn,t have to be have to be about sex you might have found a best friend


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Posted

Loads of good advice in here. I'd rather have one good friend than a dozen uncaring sex partners!


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Posted

Ian, I would go a step further--I would rather have a good friend than a lover! :O)


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Posted

I wholeheartedly agree!


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Posted

It depends whether that lover is also a good friend. After all, the best and longest-lasting relationships are based first on friendship.


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Posted

"... longest-lasting relationships are based first on friendship." I don't agree having known many relationships that have lasted more than 40 years---love was gone--companionship took the place of friendship--dependence on each other entered.


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Posted

I hate to have to say it, Martin, but that view is very "jaded", almost cynical. I too have known some couples who have had extremely long relationships, and all of them were, above all, "best friends". The thing that often wains with time is physical attraction, but if you are truly connected mentally and emotionally (as best friends are), then love-making transcends physical sex and becomes a spiritual experience.


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Posted

From what I have both seen and personally experienced, if an LTR is not first based on friendship, it stands no chance of survival. Another way to put it is if two people don't like each other first, how would a person ever expect them to ever love each other. Granted, their love may gradually change over the years, but it is still love, nevertheless.


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Posted

Ian, whether gay or nongay after a certain time financial matters bind them more than anything else--also wanting someone there when you are sick or need to be taken care of--a heart attack has kept many a couple together. :O)


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Posted

Sorry, Martin, but if that is your view of long term relationships, I begin to realise why you have chosen to remain single!


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Posted

Main reason I chose to remain single is I don't/didn't want to compromise-- some people are willing to give up/in--not me. I don't know how many gay couples you know that have been together 50 or more years but it was a different world back then--first question that was asked was who was the husbamd--they basically followed the nongay model--one was a 'bottom', took care of the home, etc. It was just the way it was--my first mentors were Joe and Albyn who when I met them back in1956 had already been together for 20 years--when Joe died they had been together 53 years--my neighbors have been together 62 years--I could go on but I was very close to at least 8 gay couples who were together 50+ years--they were more like brothers (yes who could love each other) than lovers or anything but companions.
I have had long term relationships--still do--but we we weren't lovers--Chuck and I went to bed the first time we met and have been the closest of friends for over 40 years---and he has had 3 lovers in that time with him & Terry gettig married in DC on Monday.
I think it is great when people can find one another but not finding one is not the end of the world and most who live together is for practical reasons. :O)


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Posted

I think I get your point, Martin. Maybe it's I who am looking for some "ideal" relationship which doesn't really exist. I hope not! My "best friend" is 19, I've known him since he was 15, and although there has never been any hint of anything sexual between us (For one thing, he's as close to "str8" as any teenager can be), my relationship with him is probably the most perfect I've ever had. We know one another so well we can finish each other's sentences! I guess some people would say he was like a "son" (In fact a lot of the locals think he is my son!), but it's really not like that. If I started coming on like his Dad, he'd soon put me in my place! It's a relationship of equals, and, whilst I do give him help and guidance when he asks for it, he teaches me just as much as I teach him, and is always there for me when I need him. One problem I have faced is that "boyfriends" sometimes start getting jealous of the bond between us, but, at the end of the day, I will NEVER give up the special friendship I have with him for the sake of some other guy, and any potential partner needs to understand that.


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Posted

Every relationship is different and friends have to accept that or they are not really friends.
Ian, one of the biggest problems I had was that I was not jealous and that would drive a lover crazy--I just knew that my lover was the best and others would want him--how could I get jealous of my taste?!?!? LOL


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Posted

I used to be very jealous in my youth. I've always had something of a fear of rejection, and never really felt like I "deserved" the guys I was with. I don't know whether I learnt from my mistakes, whether I've just mellowed with age, or if I've just come to accept that "sex is just a bodily function" and it's not worth getting up-tight if a guy I'm with needs a "bit on the side". Either way, these days, I tend to be quite sanguine about it. I even tell guys I'm seeing that if they want to go off with someone else, I don't have a problem so long as they come back to me in one piece and disease-free!


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Posted

I never had a problem with 'infidelity'--I didn't expect faithfulness nor did I promise it---at 19 my mentors Joe and Albyn talked me into believing that anyone who rejected me would be losing out--I learned to believe it but, honestly, I wasn't rejected too much to have it bother me besides never having a 'type' and (not modestly) being a good looking guy I usually got what I wanted--of course being the decades of NO AIDS from the 40s to the early 80s, and not being a 'bottom' I was pretty much in demand!
Sex is a physical thing and was never a threat to me.


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