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How to avoid a "catfish" - The Rainbow Lounge

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Posted

I have to tell you something I am too trusting and too loving. Now I just feel like a fool but I have to let you know so this may help others.
People warned me but being the pathetic fool I am I just didn't want to believe I wanted to be in love.
I know the truth now.


Five Ways To Avoid Being “Catfished” While Online Dating
Catfish are a serious problem in online dating. Catfish are people who pretend to be someone they are not online. They create false IDs in order to pursue deceptive online romances. They can string people on for years and apparently, have no remorse for their actions.
Some signs to look for do you know a "catfish"
Someone who is camera shy, most girls in the real world take so many selfies it's not funny.
Someone who you can't phone or webcam with. 
When it's comes to meeting them there is always a drama.
A car accident 
Cancer
A family member dies
The list goes on and on

When you read about such sadness how can you ever turn your back on them?
You open your heart to them and they lie to you.
You catch them out so many times with lies but just don't want to believe its true.
Friends ask you about them and you can see you look like a fool.
When you ask for some kind of proof they turn it around and tell you that you are a bad person for not trusting them. 
Then when you listen to all your friends and think about all the lies you just feel so stupid. 

Here’s how to avoid getting catfished:

1)   First, stop automatically trusting everyone and what they tell you. I talk about the dangers of being trusting here. It isn’t a virtue to trust, it’s just plain stupid.

2)   Get real about Twitter, blogging, chat room, gaming and Facebook “friends.”  If you haven’t met someone outside the Internet, you haven’t actually met. Stop thinking of online people as “friends” when, in reality, they are barely acquaintances.

A friend is someone who will be there for you when you need them.

3)    Be suspicious of everything your new online “friend” tells you.

Google their name.
Check up on what they claim. If they say their twin sisters died in a car crash, Google their names and look for their obit.
Have your online friend send you a photo of themselves holding a card with your name and the date on it.
Run a Google Image Search to see where else “their” photos turn up.
Then don’t be in denial when you find out information that doesn’t jive with what they’ve told you. Realize you’ve been lied to, and cut the phony person off immediately.


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Sarah_Keroack
Posted

Well Done Carol! I've known so many to fall victim to online "catfish"
Your words are wise and true!


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Posted

wow, i am actually glad you put this here, thank you


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Posted

I will never stop trusting people until they show me to!


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Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

Hi Carol,

I get catfished all over the place. My first clue is when someone wants to friend me but on another site than the one they contacted me on, always a problem. Second clue is when they avoid answering direct questions, or are vague about explaining what they claim is their situation. I will listen to them like it is all true, until I know better or they request money.

I had an on-line romance with a wonderful man far away. He wanted to come to America, but I could not help him. He got here, but a few months after he broke it off I looked up his facebook account; that handsome, sexy white man is now an obese black woman. I got a good laugh out of that.


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Posted

Carol, You should be highly commended for issuing your warning. I know, because I have been in the same boat myself more than once. So I say you, BRAVO, BRAVO!! Experience is the best teacher, but it can be very rough and painful at times.


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Posted

I'd like to learn from my mistakes but I don't! :O)


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Sue_Ellen_OHara
Posted

i experienced it before and after that i never trust people online blindly anymore... i have to take care of myself and im not gonna let liars hurt me anymore!


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DEE_TORRES
Posted

Carol you are so right my friend but I love to!! have a great day!!!there to many people out there like that. I'm a real person are you???


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Karl_Haines
Posted

I hear so much about this "Catfish" malarkey but don't really get what it is. My understanding is when someone creates a false persona to bait people into online relationships?? Am I correct or is that something completely different lol


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Posted

Karl thanks for asking because I don'y know what it means either--from what I've read here it just seems to be duping someone which has gone on for years!


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Posted

I think it's just a "trendy" way of describing someone who creates a fake profile, like an old guy who puts a picture of a young boy as his profile pic, and lies about his age in order to have sex chat with teenagers, or a straight guy from Ghana who puts up a gay profile solely to try to scam money out of gullible older men. Like the OP said, some of these fakers can carry on scamming their victims for years, always coming up with new and inventive excuses why they can't meet them.


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Posted

Obviously people have too much time on their hands!!! I was a perpeptual liar for the first 30 years of my life and I was good at it--finally went into therapy and the first thing I learned was that a person lies to make themselves 'look' better--as a reformed sinner I will not tolerate a single lie from someone--who needs/wants it? Also having been there I can spot a liar almost immediately--no matter how 'pretty' they may be! LOL


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Amanda_Fischer_64113
Posted

I was catfished a couple years ago on this site. It sucked being lied to and trying to put the lies aside. I also met someone else who I did met in person but did lie to me extensively.


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Posted

Haven't been 'catfished' yet--maybe because I am too direct and won't spend a lot of time talking before meeting.


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Posted

Unfortunately, there are a lot of "lies" on the internet, the downside of the anonymity it can provide. Personally, I prefer (almost!) total honesty, to the point where it's actually harmed my chances of meeting guys on dating sites. For example, I always give my real age, while the vast majority of guys my age "shave off" a few years. The guy who is 52, and SAYS he's 52, will usually attract less attention than the one who is 52 but says he is 48! (There's something about that "magic" age of 50, which seems to shut down interest!)There are times, however, when a little lie can be preferable to the blunt truth, like when your partner asks "Does my bum look big in this?"!!!


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Posted

I'm 78 and say I am 78 and always hear "But you don't look 78" to which I reply "What does 78 look like?" as I point at myself!
Though I have always gone for older men at this age my field gets limited BUT I live in a part of the world where young men adore older men--sadly I don't go for younger guys and tell them so--sometimes honesty isn't believed! :O)


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Posted

Hey Martin, I reckon we should swap places! I much prefer younger lads, but I live in a place where there is an all-pervading air of "youth-worship" among the under 30's. It's almost like there is a huge void between the 16-30's and the over 40's, and each age-group sticks to its own. For the most part, the local young Canarian guys are so closeted that they tend to just play around with each other and never attempt to meet us ex-pats anyway. The island I live on is a well-known retirement destination for Brits & Germans, so the average age of the population, especially the English-speaking population, is also on the high-side. Most of the interest I get comes from over 60's, some even from the over 80's (which I'm guessing would be your idea of heaven!), and next to nothing from anyone under 35, which sadly leaves my field as limited as yours. I love this island and don't want to leave, but I hate being single. :-(


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Posted

Martin, I am in the same situation!


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Posted

Hey William, can you and Martin send some of those young guys over here, and I'll send you a boatload of octogenarians back! lol


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Posted

Wilton Manors, a surburb of Fort Lauderdale, is known for couples made up of 1 old and 1 young--as an old man who doesn't go for young ones you all can have my share!!! LOL


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Posted

Ian, it sounds like you are at the awkard age--too old for the old guys to be interested in and too young for the young ones to be interested in---just remember today's trade is tomorrow's competition--they will be coming all over you (no pun intended) --we do need a bunch of 'older' guys for the younger ones and will live some older ones for me!!!
We have to help each other!!! LOL


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Posted

Sounds good, Martin! Where I live, in the deepest, darkest outreaches of the "Spanish Empire", things are not that straightforward. People look at the gay age-of-consent here (13!) and the liberal gay marriage laws, and think it must be some sort of enlightened Shangri-La...The truth is that, outside the tourist areas of Gran Canaria, it is still a very Catholic country. The extremely low age-of-consent was introduced by General Franco, originally only for heterosexual marriages, primarily so that his "guys" could have the pick of the young teenage brides. It was the European Union who then forced them to extend the same age-of-consent and marriage laws to other relationships in the name of "equality", and most of the community here is still upset about it! To say that the local Canarian gay guys are "closeted" would be like saying Mount Everest was "a bit of a climb"! The majority of young gay guys here are so far in the closet they're wandering around Narnia! You just have to look at apps like Grindr here, which display hundreds of "blank" profiles with no pictures, broken only by the occasional tourist. (As a 50-something Brit, sending a message to one of those profiles is usually pointless, as it will be ignored.) In general, whilst young lads "experimenting" with each other clandestinely is tolerated, guys are expected to be married by the time they are in their 30's, even if they still play around in the cruising areas. An openly gay guy over 50 like me is generally regarded as a bit of a "joke". They call me "Mariquita Inglés", to which I respond "No, Maricon con pocas plumas!" (It's not easy to translate. You sort of need to speak the lingo! Suffice to say that it's not exactly a term of endearment!) I find it difficult to get to know lads from the UK, as they see me messaging them from a "foreign country" just off the coast of Africa, so they rarely reply, even though I'd be happy to invite them over here, or travel to the UK to meet them. I'll be honest, so long as I remain in love with this island, my house and my job, I see the trade-off being that I will be enjoying them alone. :-(


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Posted

Trust me--many many gays are still in the closet in the USA--they travel from small towns to the big cities like San Fran, Ft. Lauderdale, LA, etc to come out of the closet.
We will never know how many gay men are in the USA because teh majority are still in the closet--married, have kids and then 'break out at 50 or 60--and they they want to capture their 'youth' by running after youth.
PS My first lover was Cuban and the first thing he taught me was "Mama mi pinga"--and told me to say it to a waiter and I didn't know what it meant!!! 50 years later I can laugh about it! LOL


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