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Worried sick for a loved one. - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

How do you guys cope when someone you want to spend your life with takes a bad turn? This has got me pretty anxious.

i'm in a long distant relationship with someone for over 2 years now (met him here btw). Not the greatest looking nor my type at the time, but spending time with him; he grew on me and i intend to marry the guy one day and see where it takes us.

He was recently sent to the hospital for a cough at 1st. Then they did more testing and found out he's got a heart problem and if it doesn't get better soon, he's going to need a transplant. Also diagnosed with diabetes which is unfortunate.

We talk but i haven't been able to see him close to a week and it's making me worry knowing what he's going through and not knowing what's happening.

He's just turning 19 too.


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Posted

WOW! That sounds real bad....... 19 years....... and then such news....

You know were he is at the moment?
My suggestion is to go there were he is, ask if he wants to have you as visitor, and talk with him outright and tell him how and what you feel!

And if you feel you are there for him, tell him so, and make sure he understands that you are there for him, to support and help him when and were needed as far as is within your possibilities and abilities!
And were it is outside your abilities, try to find help.

Just my suggestion...... nothing more!


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Posted

I really don't know where to start but let's go with the medical--there are all sorts of heart problems--I have had an aorta valve transplant--I have arterial deliberation--congestive heart failure --and I am doing fine living a full life.
"I intend to marry the guy"---come on Jules you haven't even met the guy--is he out? What does his family think? The boy is sick--he does NOT need added pressure from you--IF you talk to him let him do all the talking--don't ask him questions--just let him know you care for him and that you are there to talk to him--under no circumstances add to his worries.
I hope he does well.


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Liam_Martin-Lane
Posted

Hi Jules, wow that is some news to bear especially when he's very young! And you being close with him I'm sure he's equally as young.

My advice is that you need to develop yourself to be like Sinon from the epic Aeneid II: "Bold of spirit and ready for either outcome".
Show true, committed love to the guy. Let him know that you are always there with him, and that whatever happens he is always going to have a place in your heart. I agree with Master Adrian, if and when he would like you to see him, I would recommend you to visit him and to spend as much time as possible with him, constantly telling him you love him and that love is unconditional; it will never change, nor will it ever go away.
To an extent I agree with Martin, in that possibly rank the marriage down in the priority list, but try and communicate it to him like George communicated the dream to Lennie in Of Mice and Men. It will make him more confident and hopeful to come through this difficult situation.

I'm not sure if you are, but I'm a Christian and I shall pray for the two of you on Sunday


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Posted

Liam, both you and Adrian say something about visiting him--they have known each other for 2 years and have never met--the possibility is that they live too far apart--at least it sounds that way to me


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Posted

@Martin, dude, i don't appreciate any condescending comments based on ignorance and assumptions. Just because my string of words don't sit well with you doesn't warrant any stereotypical remarks. Really don't like people saying just because it's long distance; it can't be real.
i'm very fortunate to be able to forge a bond of trust and understanding with him. The type you probably are in dismay to believe.

My statement about our plans to wed may sound "green", it truly isn't. We both got goals we want to do before that happens. Marriage is something we hold special, but in the grand scheme; it's a means to an end. Naive to the ears of the blind, but no less important. Not to mention many want for us to fail just to boast their ego about being right. As long as that's our desire, that's our truth. Don't like it? Then get over yourself. Our world doesn't revolve around you. (funny story when his mother found out what was engraved on his grad ring, lol).

He knows how i feel about him and vise versa. i tell him to convey me everything he feels even if it will make me sad (comes with the territory), and i give him the same respect. i'm not some superboyfriend who has a fix for everything--i'm human. Lots of experiences puts a smile on my face and releases dopamine; others scare and makes me gloomy. The times i have to be brave is because he needs me to. He knows i'm scared too; all the more reason for me to be a source of strength when he needs it. i can act like Sinon, but it feels self-serving on my part if i become pessimistic. i need to be hopeful for us so he can get through this ordeal.

Trying to get in contact with his family to find out what's up. Haven't heard from him since yesterday night so it's gotten me a little anxious. And yes his family knows about me and whenever i can travel, i'm welcomed by his family.

Thanks for the support. And Liam, though there are issues i don't fancy with the current church as a "whole", i see nothing wrong with sincere sentiments (i mean no disrespect in any way). i may not be into praying, but it's nice to know people are praying for us.


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Posted

i'm relieved. Just heard from his brother he might be discharged today depending on how he is if not tomorrow.

though trouble's not over and his life's changed forever; i'm still going to remain constant regardless.


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Posted

Sorry you were offended by my comments--they are MY opinion--I am I, me, myself don't believe in "LOVE" without meeting and spending time with the person.
I don't know what you mean by 'my string of words'--I was just relating my heart problems and how they haven't interfered with my living my life.

Just prove me wrong--I am willing to be proven wrong and I will apologize if/when the wedding takes place.--and just as you said to Liam--"I mean no disrespect in anyway"--it was just MY opinion and I am sorry you didn't want to hear somethign you don't agree with.


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gstanescu84
Posted

Aww am so sorry to hear your going through this Jules. If you ever need a buddy to cry on, we're all here to help. We are all a bunch of Family.


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Liam_Martin-Lane
Posted

Thanks Jules, I'm so glad to hear that he's taken a step in the right direction, and I'm also glad you know how much you mean to him and how much he means to you. And I'd pray for anybody that is in a difficult situation, regardless of their faith


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Posted

Got nothing to prove to the world but him. As long as hold value to that; that's all that matters. Went for him against logical thinking and on a whim from the start, not knowing what i was getting into (There a bit of an age gap that his mum even joked about calling the cops. Had to meet her the same day he came out for me. Real awkward but comforting there was no more hiding).

Even in retrospect, i never regretted my choice. What he provided was what i craved. The comfort, the trust; he's the best friend i'm able to laugh and cry with or at times fight with, but it gets better in the end. This relationship made me grow more than thought it would.

Even with the changes in our lives, i'm not going to waver. He needs me more than ever to be strong for him. That i vow to everyone who reads this. The only reason relationships fail is simply because one stops trying to work at it. i understand it's a life-long investment but the return sure is hell worth more than the money in the world.

Thanks to all who responded and i appreciate it. Got a lot of things to work out with him.


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Posted

Of course you don't have to answer but you did write about it==how much of an age difference is there? I think you said he was 19, right?
I read a book called "Male Couples" where it was shown that a 5 year (or more) difference in a male relationship worked to their advantage.


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