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Kat_Martin

lost and confused - The Rainbow Lounge

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Kat_Martin
Posted

I was involved with someone who just got out of a relationship with a bi girl. Her relationship lasted 10 year but she said it ended 1 year before they real broke it off but as she described the relationship I could tell it was over long before then…
Anyway when I met her she had just left the other one for about 2 weeks. She hit me up and gave me everything from her phone 3 to her e-mail address.
And as time went on she said she was in love with me…and she said it many times…however every time she did she would take it back and I didn’t hear from her for weeks even months at a time. I did start seeing other people but always stop when she would contact me…you see I was in love with her but let her have her space.
I wasn’t her type and nor was she mine. I prefer feme woman and so did she but she was odd. She would say she wasn’t gay but she was very butch and looked like a man. But when we were in bed she was all woman,” she blossomed like a flower” OMG she was so my addiction.
Well,, she found someone else I can’t help but to feel used by her cuz it was like she wanted me only until she found what she was looking for and in the end she was very mean to me and said she didn’t feel about me the way I did….that was very painful!!
But here’s my question. Why can’t I let her go??? In my mind and in my heart I feel like I lost the only thing that made/ gave me that electricity when I touched her and made me feel like I couldn’t and wouldn’t feel the way I felt with her. I hate that I feel this way about someone that treated me like her personal doormat. And yet my heart aches for her touch, and her taste, and her legs wrapped around my waist.
I know I have to shake this off but how??? How do I get her smell and her sounds out of my mind??? Someone please…please help me from blowing up hr FB and seeing her with that other woman and not tell her off…cuz I feel like I can get stupid and that is the last thing I want to do. I just don’t know how to stop what I am feeling and I wish it would just be over with already


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Posted

"Why can’t I let her go?" In my opinion you won't let her go because it saves you from getting on with your life--yes it hurts and you have the fear of getting hurt again OR she will come back--and what will that solve? Doesn't sound like you were in a sharing relationship--she was taking and you were giving.
In total how long were you with her? Give yourself an equal amount of time to hurt and heal--just set a date for when you will stop 'poor little me'--it is a game we all play and doesn't help.
Kat you have heard it a hundred times and it is true--time will heal yo0ur hurt.
What I don't understand is why "a relationship with a bi girl." Unless I read it wrong she was with you, is now with a girl and was with one 10 years--even if the latter was a guy what does her being bi have to do with anything?


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Flash632
Posted

Hi Kat Martin, I think that you know what you need to do but it's just hard to face it. Time is what will heal your feelings and help you to forget. I met this guy many, many years ago and I so loved him and I know that he loved me too. Bill wanted and needed to get married and have children which is what he did. I felt really hurt and confused(like you do now)for a very long time. Even now I have feelings for Bill but I know that I can never have him to myself, I have to let him go. Kat, you just need time to let go and in the mean while try to leave yourself open to me new people. Put yourself in situations where you can meet another lover. Go on living and loving others. I hope this helps? Patrick


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Kat_Martin
Posted

@ martin we where together for a1yr and the reason I said bi girl is cuz she was always dating bi girls. and I wasn't one of them. and I have gone on with my live, I just cant get her and the things that she said to me out of my mind. every time they pop up in my head I heart sinks. I know we all go threw this as humans but this is the 1st time it has happened to me. she was the one who asked my to stay with her...and that was only till she found someone else. I didn't know she was even looking....so it was a shock and an even bigger surprise wen she thru it in my face. that's why it hurt so much I guess.


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When I broke up with the love of my life I felt pain that I never had before or since-- sadly he was such a great guy and I measured everyone who came along after him to him and the longer we were apart the bigger he became in my head and no one could live up to that image--little by little the pain stopped--I saw him after a few years and I felt nothing!


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Kat_Martin
Posted

@martin...this is what i'm hoping for., however I want this to end now...I cant sleep and I cant eat. I hate that she has this power over me and she doesn't even know it. I know time heals all wounds but I want this done and over with already
I know that this is me doing it to myself. and I want to meet someone else but my schedule permits that at this time. so i'm stuck with memories of her...im 'trying to over come this ....however it is wat it is Right now...I guess


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Kat_Martin
Posted

@ Patrick....ur advice was very helpful. and to the point. I am moving on and I know even though I feel angry and very hurt I know it will eventually pass....I just really feel over whelmed by this whole experience.
thank you patrick


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Posted

Something that really helped me--I wrote a book about us--wrote about from the moment we meet to the time we broke up--included cards, letters, notes--everything and anything--it really eased the pain AS I WROTE IT!


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Kat_Martin
Posted

oh wow that sounds like It will work. thank you for that..martin


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Melissalozano
Posted

When I broke up with my GF 2 years ago, I loved her (still do) but couldn't live with her behavior. I choose to still love her just not live with her. You cannot live with her because she has found someone else. I say accept that you do love her but you two wont be seeing each other. I was told by friends to remember the good times and that was hard to do then. It is easier now to appreciate the good times. It will get easier to live with this situation as time goes on. Hope some part of this helps.


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Posted

As time goes by you only remember the good times--time solves a lot of problems!


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Kat_Martin
Posted

@ Melissa..u know that is exactly what I need to do, and as time goes by each day I can feel it slowly getting better. she broke my heart on so many levels and I would have waited an eternity for her. but its going on 3 months and I don't wake up with anxiety anymore...well at least its not as over whelming. and all I think, is... its got to get better from here...."right?"
I WILL NEVER SEE HERE AGAIN! and that is the best thing I could do for her and myself.
"Mostly for me"


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Melissalozano
Posted

It does get better if you want it to. I had never experience real heartbreak with a romantic relationship until I came out. It was devestating! Something that might help is to focus on a goal. I focused on personal goals to keep my head above water. I hope I am not invalidating you, but helping. It sucks! Hang in there.


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Kat_Martin
Posted

Melissa ...u know that is what I have been doing and I'm trying to keep from having those damn thoughts of her and her new GF. and consuming my thoughts of what my personal goal is. and it does help a great deal. and no worries you are not invalidating me at all. this is a great tool to move on with.


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Brittany_Honeycutt
Posted

I haven't seen or talked to my ex in three years now. She put me through so much but I would have done anything to be with her. Time will never heal the pain of true love that was lost. My heart breaks more for her with each day that passes.


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Flash632
Posted

Hi Brittany, There are know right or wrong answers to how we feel when our love for someone is not returned. We may never completely overcome this lost feeling. But we can choose to move forward and meet new people and eventually find the new person that has been looking for us. Something that you are interested in and other people are interested in would be a good start. The 'Bill' in my past life will always be there as a memory but I can move beyond him and open my heart to someone new. You just need a little confidence that you can find her or him and it may come as a surprise the she or he has also been looking for you. Trust your instinct and allow yourself to move beyond your limits, think outside of the box. I hope this helps some? Patrick


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Kat_Martin
Posted

u know..i want and do what I need to, but why in the hell do I still wake up with her in my thoughts and in my dreams.... i really hate this. its like I cant get her out of my life.. when will this touchier ever end!!!!
I'm doing what it takes to eliminate her from my life and yet my mind wont let her go...now wat,,,,, where do I go from here?



















/


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Kyston
Posted

Kat,
You have got to start surrounding yourself with other things and other people. Things that do not remind you of her at all. Did you write the book of your time together? If you got that done and if you have anything left of hers around your place you need to have a purging party. Gather everything that is hers and everything that reminds you of her and take it outside and set it on fire...safely of course please! I am still here whenever you need to chat as well.
Kyston


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Posted

The rule of thumb is that it takes as long as you were with someone to get over them or a year--going through birthdays, holidays, the 'anniversary' date, etc. While time will make it easier doing something, like going to cooking school!, will get your mind involved with something else and make it think about other things.


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Kat_Martin
Posted

I was with this woman for 1 year...I hope this doesn't last that long. I really don't like waking up with this on my mind everyday.
@ krypton...ive tried to burn her letters to me and the books and all the pix. but its hard and at this point I don't even want to look at them. however I know I will be able to do it I just have to be firm about my emotions.
and thank you all for great advice.


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Posted

I recently wrote a blog about rereadin love letters after 40 years--I am so glad I didn't burn them or throw them out--I was tempted to send them back to the guy who wrote them but then decided that would be 'nasty''--put them somewhere that you won't see them and when you come across them years from now you will have a warm feeling AND a smile on your face!!


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