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Cereal Killers - Your WRITES

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“You’re not gonna play it again, Sam,” said the rabbit with a sneer, picking up the toucan’s limp body from the floor and carrying it to the other side of the living room.
Suddenly, the front door burst open. Five police officers charged into the house, guns drawn. “Game’s over, bunny!” one of the officers declared.
The rabbit dropped the toucan on the floor. “I still have one trick up my sleeve, coppers,” he said madly.
“Mother @#!$ing rabbit, tricks are for kids,” said the officer. He pulled the trigger. The bullet pierced the rabbit’s chest. He fell on top of the toucan and gasped for his last breaths, smearing blood over his dirty white fur.
The lead officer approached the bodies of the rabbit and the toucan, and the other officers walked cautiously into the room, scanning the spacious room for any more suspicious activity. The house seemed quiet enough, but they knew the rabbit had not been alone. Perhaps he had gotten rid of his accomplices already.
One of the officers walked toward the kitchen. “Cover my back,” he said.
Three elves appeared at the upstairs balcony and looked down at the unsuspecting police.
“Snap!” exclaimed the first elf. He whipped out a pistol and shot an officer in the forehead.
“Crackle!” said the second. His semi-automatic pistol riddled the body of the officer who was examining the rabbit’s body.
The remaining three officers turned around just as the third elf cried out, “Pop!” He shot at one of the officers, but the officer dodged out of the way, and the other two officers began shooting back at the elves. The elves scattered themselves as the officers’ bullets riddled the top floor.
Without warning, Tony ran into the living room from the kitchen. “They’re great!” he shouted, and he tackled one of the officers to the ground. As the other two officers exchanged gunfire with the elves, Tony and the officer he had attacked wrestled on the floor. The officer was unable to position the gun in a way to shoot the perpetrator, but he managed to hit him in the head with the butt of the gun. Tony swung his head to the side, giving the officer the chance to jam the gun into his eye. Tony let out a fierce roar and released his hold on the officer. The officer scrambled to his feet, gave the perpetrator a swift kick to the groin, and swiftly slapped cuffs on his wrists.
The officer quickly joined the other officers in shooting at the elves. The elves did not see him, and he shot all three of them in rapid succession. Each elf fell lifeless over the balcony, hitting the floor with terrible thuds.
When the melee had ended, the officers helped Tony to his feet. “Let’s go, tiger,” one of them said.
Tony held his head in shame as he was led out of the house. “You’re gonna hear from my lawyer,” he said with a meek growl.
“Tell that one to your cellmates,” the officer replied.
As the officers walked into the light of day, a leprechaun jumped out of one of the police cars parked outside. “I knew it!” he exclaimed to the three officers. “I knew it was that damned rabbit and that flaky tiger! They was magically suspicious.”


Great. I used to love when MADTV did CLOPS and had the Pillsbury Dough boy dusted shooting up a pizzeria until they popped him into the oven. The rock'em sock'em robots fought all the time cuz they wouldn't marry gay couples, etc.


Thanks, Tristram. I know a lot about serial killers, and I always fancied the play on words "cereal killers" and even found on facebook a picture of the rabbit with a cleaver in one hand and Toucan Sam in the other. Inspiracion!

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