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Jony_Star

What Does He Want From Me??? - The Rainbow Lounge

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Posted

ok so i know i've let you all in on my situation with the guy i'm dating...so the boyfriend has finally left...we had a conversation before he was telling me how much fun he was having by himself with his friends without me or his boyfriend...and i was like it's understandable you need time for yourself...it's not as if i expect you to be tied down to me & spend all your free time with me...you need your own space...but the way he said it...pretty much had me thinking "ok he's gonna stay single for a while"...so i started preparing myself mentally and emotionally that i might have to back off a bit...so he calls me up last friday inviting me out to go with some friends to preview his make up & everything before the drag show on saturday...so i'm all excited & i wanna go...now he's made it clear before that he doesn't add anyone he's dating or going out with on facebook due to drama & jealousy issues...but during the call he says to me "oh yea i can add you on facebook now...you know what that means right???"...i'm like yea i know what that means..i acted ok about it...but it was later that i started feeling kinda bad about it...cuz it's like where is this coming from???...so clearly i'm a little hurt & upset...he picks up on my mood but doesn't ask...cuz he feels that even tho he asks i'm not gonna be honest...which actually if he would've asked...i would've made an effort in telling him what made me feel bad...but he didn't...we were joking around...he didn't wanna tell me when he was gonna go over to the friends' house...so i told him i was gonna bug him until he answers...he said "it's ok i'm used to it cuz i work with kids...besides you're nobody"...i said "ok then bye"...i know he was joking around...but seriously with the way i was already feeling from the news that he doesn't wanna pursue a relationship with me anymore...it was definitely not the time to be making those jokes...so clearly i was upset...he had asked me if i wanted to go with him & a friend to the bar later on...i said sure...but then after the end of that converstation i felt like i really couldn't...i was upset & i didn't wanna drink & go off on him...so i texted him that i wanted to stay home...cuz i wasn't in good spirits...he replied "ok then i won't go...tell me what's wrong"...i then replied "i'm sorry i don't wanna talk about it...just go have your fun...don't worry about me...i'll be fine by tomorrow"...but later on my friend edwin asked me out...so i said sure i could use the distraction so i took his invite...and then my guy hits me up while i'm drinking in weho...and he was like where are you???...i told him who i was with...& he was like so how come you didn't wanna come out with me but now you're out with your friends???...and how come i didn't get an invite???...most of my friends are out there & i wanted to go but i didn't have a ride"...i then said, "well you told me you weren't going out, so i thought you would be busy with your video game"...& he then said that i knew he initally wanted to go out & drink...& then he asked me if i wanted to talk about why i claimed i wasn't in good spirits...i told him he clearly knew why i was upset...and i was like that's fine...it is what it is...he said "well i had to make a choice for you becuz you won't do it yourself...i've warned you that getting involved with me will only get you hurt becuz we don't want the same things"...anywho i didn't wanna get into an argument so i just told him that we'll talk about it later & that's if he feels like talking about it...cuz he hates not dealing with issues then & there and having to bring them back up later...but me being an overly emotional person need time to cool off before i say something i'll reget...& i'm easily hot tempered...so anywho comes the day of the show...& not only do i shun him for the whole night...but you could tell that i'm upset with him...& people were picking up on the vibe...so comes monday he texts me saying that if i keep pushing him away there won't be a friendship worth saving...and that he felt like i really disrespected him by shunning him & being mad in public...i had already warned him before that this would happen should he choose to go down this path...he obviously either didn't remember or didn't expect it to happen...he was like he could start small talk & talk about the shows we both watch...& honestly i can't even do that...i need complete isolation from the person so i can focus on burying my feelings...and he was like ok but be careful becuz you could be losing out on a good friend...i asked him to stop texting me...becuz it wasn't having me feel any better...and asking him how did he exactly think i should be dealing with this???...& this morning i wake up to 2 texts...one of them saying that he's hurting too...and that we are losing our connection...that he feels that the emotional connection he put into me feels tossed out...& that i'm free to deal with it however i want...he just wants to be able to have a small talk...but i clearly had told him the week before his ex left...that i was feeling like he was distant...and that i know our arguments caused that distance...but i had the understanding that we were gonna get past this...& then he gets me all excited to see him that day...only to get shot down & then he decides to make an ill-timed joke saying i'm nothing...i realized that he was gonna wanna be single & i was ok with that...becuz i've been a rebound 2 times & i didn't wanna make the same mistake w/him...& that anger carried out until saturday...but after the show looking back...i felt bad for treating him that way...& that only by shunning him right now can i actually get over him & stop holding on to this "false" hope...becuz by him texting me my heart feels happy for 5 secs because he doesn't wanna let me go...but i shoot myself back to reality becuz it's only as a friend...so i asked if he truly wanted to be a friend & nothing more to please keep his distance...& that becuz we go to the same church & i'll try to not let it get to me so people don't say anything...but that i truly need my time & space...so with this i ask myself what does he want from me???...i'm more than willing to be with him...but he wants to & yet he doesn't...so it's like he needs to decide what he wants & stop toying with me like this...cuz it's tearing me apart...


Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

Oh no,he did not! What a fucking dick, he can't break up with you like a man. You are way to nice to him I would gone all ghetto on his ignorant ass. Be done with him and get a man worth having! What a fucking sleaze, un stronzo!


Posted

i know he is...but it's like things can be so simple & yet he complicates them...with this yes & no...i feel like i'm truly living katy perry's song hot n cold...


David_Cloud
Posted

Jony, that's some piece of writing you've done. I don't know what the fuck to say, but I sure know I care about you, your future and your happiness. And I have good faith in your judgement of situations and people and how to act for the best, whatever it takes.


Jodie_Hendricks
Posted

Jony, I think you're doing the right thing sweetie. Time to cut him out of your life so you can heal. You both go to the same church, if all else fails pray I'm sure God has the perfect person for you, all ypu need to do is have faith in him. maybe thats the real reason him and his ex broke up is because he can't stay with just one man. good luck sweetie your in my thoghts and prayers.


Posted

Well the reason they broke up was becuz the ex didn't believe he can have a long distance relationship & decided to start over once he moved to vegas...


Posted

Jony, I think it's time that you need to just sit down and talk to him. Either that or you have to walk away but I'd go for the talking first. You need better and you need resolution of the matter.


Posted

Don't dwell on the past. Move forward.


Posted

well i know we have to talk...cuz at the end of the day i have questions that only he can answer & they might give me closure or they may not...but i kinda need to know what went wrong becuz like i said...everything was great & we had even agreed to move forward & keep trying...but then this decision comes out of nowhere & it's like a bombshell for me...so i mean if he feels like there's nothing there anymore...then well yea...i have no choice but to get over him & then become friends...but if he decided to start over & try things again...he has to promise me that he's not gonna be pulling these stunts on me...i can't be dealing with this...you're either in or out...simple as that...if he decides go for it...well then go for it & stop worrying about the future...let's actually get there & stop making assumptions...when i 1st met him...he told me to enjoy our moments and not worry about anything...& i finally had grasped that...but then he started having these issues...so the boy can't even take his own advice...but well we'll see what happens...i just hope he's willing to take the time to talk...i can't bring myself to talk to him anytime soon...so i'll probably see him at church on sunday...so i guess i'll be waiting til then...i can only hope i'm ready to talk to him w/o feeling sad or anything...i have to be strong becuz there might be some answers that i won't like & i need to withstand whatever comes my way...(sigh)...but overall right now i'm just getting by...day by day...



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