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letters to no one fragment 2913x - Your WRITES

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If you told me what is and what is not, should, could, would be and not, I would have believed you, until today, because I saw a firefly for the first time since I was 6 or 7, so the last time was 15 or 14 years ago.

It would only ever work if you would never know how beautiful you are. You will never want me as much as I want you and this is our life. If you did, I would be telling you how my eyes are giving out like my liking for things speaking for the sound of hearts, and you would listen as you hold your head down and then in a flutter of a second that feels like a slow motion picture you would raise your eyes to look at me, and my head will spin and I’d run out of breath because I can’t hold the air in, it was born to go.

We learn to live by learning to die. Everything in this world is damaged and everyone and everything will hurt when it’s time.

Distance moves in more mysterious ways than souls do. The moon is so high up that when it looks down on us with its pale beams of light it does not see the love in our eyes when we look back up, or the things written on our faces with ink from the tear ducts. Our voices can never go beyond the light years it takes to reach the stars, that’s why they can’t hear us wishing and it should come as no surprise or shock. When we’re face to face or side by side and the other could never clearly bear to hear what goes on in the other’s mind.

If you tried you would discover that your words are welcome to find a home in my heart, but they’re safe enough to stay inside you and often do not go past your teeth and out your mouth.

Your love is running. Your love is running out. I can’t give you a gift for Valentines because there is nothing else I can spare, not even enough apathy to fill in the smallest heart shaped box. I decide to give you diamonds when I think they’re no longer in the rough, but you are a concrete wall I and I can never throw far enough and all diamonds are rocks.

But not all rocks are diamonds, and this is another one of the many injustices of life.

Or during the travel they lose their luster disintegrate and without a hint of their former sparkle, having forgotten what themselves once were, and get breathed in unnoticed unacknowledged like fine dust.

It is only the silence that goes in every direction for miles, and you lead yourself in circles when you try to keep other people in circles just to get them to stay with your truths by means of lies. You could try to spread your love and stretch it across the surface off the earth over land, water and sky, but everything has critical points and limits and grow thinner weaker more fragile until they fade away or die.

One of us could be dead and the other would not know it, and some people never discover if they ever really love someone who is no longer of the world or the dream they live in, if they even ever shared the same dreams in essence more or less at one point in time.

Because everything is different and everything is similar in the same way nothing is and is not, and you’re taller than me so maybe you’ve found the answers getting a better view of everything from up high.

I tried looking at the clouds and all they ever did was mock me by how they moved and were good friends with both the earth and the sky, when they fell as snow or rain stung the comfortable temperatures of my body and shook me awake told me to leave and go under a roof because I was not welcome I was denied; the same way the sunlight shines beautiful warm and bright and feels like an embrace sometimes but such close proximity of such an embrace leaves you burned, scarred, damaged, blind.

But I’ll never be tall enough, there’s no hope for me to grow, unlike the people like trees planted inside me and I feel their seeds growing living free existing slowly twisting as they please from where their roots lie.

So all I could do is try to be small and not make a sound, but I carry too much and I’m always so heavy and this makes me clumsy but still I can try and I’m never too young to die; try to be small to find a hole a nook a cranny a sliver of darkness a speck of light I may have previously overlooked or not being any bigger managed to never be acquainted and encountered with the naked eye.


Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

Wow, darkand impressive!


Posted

Haunting. Beautiful and eloquent.



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