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Is It Really Considered Meaningless??? - The Rainbow Lounge

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so i was talking with my guy the other day...& he was asking me that if we were to go monogamous...would he at least be able to kiss or make other people???...at the end of the day i know what it is to make out with a guy & not have love feelings for them...becuz i'm drinking...but in a relationship that changes for me...even when i'm drunk...i don't know how to take it when he asks me that...i don't what to feel or say...i know it bothers me that he would still wanna make out with other people...i guess when i'm not there it would be fine...but i know he would like to have the option to do so when i'm there too & that's where i'm not willing to compromise...becuz he doesn't necessarily have to drink to make out with other people...at the end of the day...i'm used to having all the attention in a relationship...so for me to give him that ok...i really can't...i mean if u guys were in my position would u be ok with looking at your partner kissing other people???...


He is not built for monogamy. I had a partner who was insanely jealous of me yet went out to the parking lot with other guys to smoke joints. I was no fool, he was smoking something that squirted in his face, but it meant nothing to him and he had to make sure that other men kept their hands off me. Didn't ask me how I felt about it.


Not to state the obvious here... but "relationship" and "meaningless" are complete opposites.
I am this type of girl.. when I'm single, she lucky to get my name.... but in a relationship... Im 100% in!....
Ask your self, if you said to him,.."If you can, I can right??", if the answer is "No" then his answer is "No"... if his answer is "Yes".... then why are you together???


Jony, I think you're on very shaky ground with him. "Making out" means different things in different countries and if you mean that he would be wanting to have sex with other guys, then that's just not a good idea. He's not respecting your wishes of monogamy and to state the bleeding obvious, it's bloody dangerous for you health-wise. If he were sleeping around with this one and that one, God only knows what you might pick up. For me, kissing is fine as a form of greeting, I do that all the time but it doesn’t go any further than that, I also respect the other person. I don't feel that you can stop him kissing anyone, to me that's like trying to manipulate him. I was once in a relationship where the other wanted me exclusively, I wasn’t even allowed to have friends and my partner was full of jealousy when there wasn’t even any thought of impropriety and I'm glad to be out of that relationship. I see kissing as a normal greeting but anything more than that is NOT on and you have clearly stated that it’s not what YOU want.

I think you've really answered your own question, you've stated quite clearly your position on this a number of times in your messages. I know that you have a dilemma here, you have feelings for him but he has his own ideas. An old friend gave me some good advice once which I've found very helpful in any difficult decision. Think of “Head, Heart and Guts”. Ask yourself, what do I think about this situation in my head? Be objective, say to yourself, 'Is it a good idea?' Next, listen to what your heart says. Ask yourself, "Is this relationship what I really want?" Listen to your inner person, does it tell you that this is going to be good for you and for a long time? You need to ask yourself if you can live with this kind of relationship for a long time as it can be very draining on you. (I’ve been there and know something about this). Thirdly, ask yourself, "What is my gut feeling on this? Is this what I really want?"
If all three (Head, Heart and Guts) are in agreement, then go ahead but if one of them is not, think again, and just maybe, he is not for you. I know it's tough but you need to ask yourself these questions and be truthful to yourself.

Go well.


thanks for the insight...at the end of the day when i said making out...i meant kissing...and well of course i have permission to kiss other people...but i don't feel the need nor do i want to kiss anyone else but him...i am in shaky ground yet my determination is strong...


Jony, I have seen you seek more than one point of view about several aspects of this relationship. Cut your losses; this guy does not deserve a fully commited relationship, and you sound like you are ready to give one man all your love. There is someone else that fits your bill.


yea i know that there are other guys who are more than willing to give me what i want...and it does disappoint me that he closes the door on that opportunity...but it just makes me wonder why he continues to stick around if we both know what we want...at times i can see that maybe we're continuing this in the hopes to change one another...and we can only keep this up for so long until one of us realizes that it's just not gonna work...and i kinda hope that person is me...becuz unfortunately i hate to admit that i'm hopeful until the end...and well once the hope dies then i just feel there's nothing left...and it's up to pick up my pieces & move on...so we'll see...i've been surprised that i've allowed myself to be in this situation for this long...when i know in reality i can't see myself in this kind of lifestyle...but i trust that God knows what i'm doing and he'll guide my heart to where towards the person who is meant to experience what i have to give and finally guide it towards the person who is meant to have it...but i know everything will be ok...


.....beautifully put, Jony. Very clear analysis and the last few lines really moved me. You are a STAR!!! Not just in your name but in your nature. I wish you well and lucky will be the guy who finally is the one to enjoy all that you have to give.