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just thoughts i wanna get down - Your WRITES

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Posted

okay basically I am gay.

But I haven't ever learnt to accept it until this past month or so, because when I was younger, I realised that I was gay around 13-14 yrs old but I never wanted to accept it because the thought at that time was pretty scary, so I decided to tell myself that I was Bisexual instead, I thought it would be easier to live with, I was being bullied pretty much all day every single day in school , on the way to school and on the way back from school, mostly because people started clicking onto the fact that I was gay.

As time went on I kind of got used to being bisexual as it were, it kind of grew on me, it felt right, or at least so I thought. The bullying did not stop it did not die down at all, but still I NEVER actually retaliated or reacted in a way that would later backfire on me, I just sat there and took it as it came to me. I had no friends in school I did not have anybody to turn to, the teachers didn't really care if I am honest, which is a shame.

By the end of like year 10 I think it was, I was beginning to realise that the decision I had made to try and persuade myself that I liked girls as well was a load of bull, I was only doing it to try and get people to stop bullying me, it didn't work that is kind of why I realised that it was a waste of time and effort, but I kept doing it.

Everything was going fine for me when school finished nothing much to tell of it as its what most people do when they leave school, but skipping a few years forward I had this really strong suggestive thought that I wasn't into girls and I should of stuck to it, I had nobody to motivate or turn to for moral support, so basically if you haven't figured out by this point iv'e grown up with no friends, anyways, I stuck with it for a week then I denied the fact that I was truely gay again.

Now we get to now as in today, the past month iv'e had an even stronger suggestive trail of thoughts of the same matter and because I am now living alone and I have matured a lot since I moved out of my parents house I felt I was able to handle the situation better should it come up, it has not been easy but I am nearly there, I really am, there has been times where I have just been tempted to just go back to being bisexual and having one foot in the closet and one foot out (i made that phrase up hehe) and yeah I am fully out of the closet now, I have no doubts of my sexuality I am being the way I should of been like 10 years ago.

Thank you so much for reading this, it does mean alot to me that you have read this again, thank you xx


Posted

Good for you, Stu. There is nothing as fulfilling as self-acceptance.


Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

I can relate to the confusion part, I tried being "normal" as a teen. Became a single, teenage father for my troubles. Now I'm a grandfather!


Debbie_Dibble
Posted

Congratulations on reaching the point where you are now comfortable with you. I came out to my 2 nieces and my Aunt. Just 2 brothers and a sister in law to go. Although they already know. They knew long before me, we just don't discuss it!


Charles_Horton
Posted

wow hell on wheels it sucks but i know how you feel i lied for A long time too and had no one to say hey its ok little did i know that my family friends kids all knew i was gay go figure


Posted

thanks guys for your comments i really appreciate it, yeah it was hard but im glad im doing it now it feels great considering i had no friends back then and i got a nice circle of friends now, just so much better , the LGBT community has changed alot too which helps.


Andrew_Greg
Posted

well, i guess most of us tried to be 'normal' by self-denial, pray the gay away, forced yourself to like a girl, and stuffs. struggling with it myself because i have always wanted a child of my own. the self-hatred and self punishment lasted for quite some time. but hey, virtual friends (in the internet) are friends too, you know. always know that there's someone who care.



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