Jump to content

Feelings opening up old wounds! - Gay Guys! <3

Recommended Posts


So, you all know about my Ben about now, looked like I was doing okay getting over him, I was getting happy again, feeling better in myself and adopting a better attitude that no-one decided my happiness but me.
Anyway, Ben and I were getting along great as friends, joking and laughing, however, the last time I saw him was 21st December 2012, he was getting really busy with his drama studies, so Friday 25th January he was doing the drama performance and he asked me to attend since he was writing the script since September (when he was still in a relationship with me) so I attended and he was good along with the 2 other groups who performed after him - I sat next to his mother and Grandmother and his other friends sat in a different area (because we lost each other at the doors :P) anyway, after his production he was allowed to sit in the audience and he choose to sit next to me rather than his mates, I presume it was because I was sitting with his family, but he didn't sit next to them, he sat next to me, the order of seating was His mother, his Grandmother, me, Ben - I asked him is he would like to swap seats so he could sit next to his Grandmother and his reply was 'No, no, it's okay'
So, my next and last bus was at 9:15 and the performance ended at 8:05 so I had over an hour wait, so his mother was going to order a Taxi because her car was being fixed in the garage - Ben had to stay behind with his drama group and put props away etc - his mother offered me to head back to their house with them and catch a bus from there, that was the plan until the only Taxi we could get was going to be about 30 mins, and Georgia then offered me and Ben a lift back to his house as there was room in the car, so we took her on the offer and, when we got to his house he realised he didn't have keys to get in, so we waited until his mother got home.
When we finally got in we all had a catch up and cup of tea, then I had to catch my bus, however, the driver drove right past me and I therefore missed my last bus home, Ben suggested to me a Taxi, but his mother kindly offered me to stay over, I took her up on her offer.
That night as I laid in a bed I have been in so many times I looked to the side of me and for the first time one thing was missing... Ben... The first time I have ever slept in that double bed without him being next to me - it upset me to the point where I almost cried, but I didn't I managed to keep it in.

In the morning, it continued like it usually done when I slept over except no good morning kiss from Ben (but I had to suck it up and realise we are no longer in a relationship) so the day continued like normal Ben and I behaving as usual and like we did when we were in a relationship - we chatted about the play and lots of other subjects, our conversations just flowed as the always do.
Then I realised... I'm still madly in love with him.

With everything considered it makes me think Ben has gotten feelings back, maybe because the absence we had, over a month of not seeing each other, could seeing me after so long sparked some feelings? When he sat down to watch other performances he could of sat with his mates, but if he wanted to sit next to his family why didn't he take up my offer to sit in my seat next to his Grandmother? Me spending the night over his house could of made him feel awkward, if he didn't like the thought he could of said no, but he was fine with it, the way we spoke just like we were still in a relationship.

Now lets just say he does have feelings for me again, I'm thinking he may not give it a 3rd go because he's worried about hurting me again, I don't want to confront him about my concerns cause it may make things awkward between us.

Valentines Day is just around the corner, should I take a risk and ask Ben for a Valentines meal? I suppose the worst he could do is say no, but then again could things be awkward between us...


If you don't ask you will never know. Just don't get your hopes and expectations too high so that you get your heart broken again.




sure invite him for a meal just don't make a big deal of it, if he doesn't accept he's probably not interested in a relationship, but rather a friendship.


do hurt in trying, if not still a life long friendship with perks sometimes


i think ur first response should have been to ask him about seeing each other again after his performance..and why he did not come to say goodnite and a kiss?...unless he was shy and scared to bring up the fact he may still care for you....i think u should have taken that op...now u have to wait another month...u missed ur op man....but, u may talk to him at val. day....see if at least there is some smoke...?!


Maybe talk with him about whether he would like a night out together sometime BEFORE Val Day so that your suggestion does not come with loads of emotional smoochy overtones. Then if that date goes OK talk about another one for Val. Day then.

(If you suggested Val. Day first off he might partly think you just didn't want to be on your own for that night rather than you actually wanting to be with him)


I agree with david

  • Create New...