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Samantha_Sayle

I give up - Love and Romance

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Samantha_Sayle
Posted

I seriously just dont think i can put up with all this stupid valentines crap every year, iv never had a single valentine card or anything in my life. Iv been openly gay for about 6 years now and in that time iv had one girlfriend and one other sexual partner who both fucked me around big time. My anxiaty stops me from going out and meeting people and people i meet online are ether fakes or live out of town, and i dont have tha money to travel to meet them and no one has ever bothered to come see me.


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Samantha_Sayle
Posted

It just seems like tha world is against me being happy


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Susan_Duviella
Posted

Hi Samantha,
The world's not against you being happy. Crap happens sometimes and we have to learn how to deal with it the right way. Allow the negative things to make you stronger and not weigh you down. Keep your head up, know that your special someone is out there, but you just haven't found her yet. Be patient. It will be worth it when you find her; or, when she finds you )


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Posted

When I was depressed, layed off from work, my brother said to me " Don't have a defeatest attitude! " Well it is easier said than done if you don't have depression but depression over whelms the mind and that is why they call it depression. I use to take medicine for my anxiety/depression. Then I could not afford it when I lost my job. The bad thing about medication that helps your brain is you cannot go cold turkey on it as it zaps your brain and you can end up with worse depression than you started with. I was able to get it free by calling the maufacturer of the medicine with the help of my doctors filing out part of the papers and I doing the rest. This helped me but eventually I was not going to be able to still go to my Doctor and pay him and I knew that day was coming when he would say if you can't take care of yourself like I am directing you to - which costs money to buy the medication he/she recommends then they will decline their services to you. So when that happened I had stored up extra medicine and the was able to slowly taper myself off and take more natural herbs and also change my eating habits . With writing and finding a way to survive without a job for one and a half years
I empowered myself and found solutions and now do not take hardly any medication accept my asthma and diabetic medication. Thes medications you can get from an emergency room and make sure you have your forms ready from the manufacturer for the Doctor to finish. You google it by finding the manufacturers name and then add patient assistance program to the search. Some do not require any Doctor section. I believe my asthma medication was that way so you fill it out and send it in. It does take about a month to get your medication but then you have it for at least 3 months as you have to have a prescription for that to be able to get it at all. They prefer a year prescription but if you do not have a local Doctor it is more difficult.

You know I don't even think too much about the holidays - any of them much these days because my life is a bit reclusive since I don't have much for money for gas. Samantha just embrace every day life. Be friendly to people in public places enjoy your day where ever you go and kindness in itself can change your attitude. When we wallow in self-pity, and we all have done it, we close off any possibility of happiness. Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself I was able to achieve my goals and then find everyday happiness. So don't think about the holidays. It is just one day and then be extra kind on that day as that is what its all about. St. Valentine made it a point to show kindness and love to all he met on his path in life.


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you know a lot of the holidays were made by ha;llmarl to sell their damn cards. But as a romantic person I always liked to be able to want to send the person I was in love with something sentimental. It doesnt always workout they way we wantome we really dont have a loved one that year, but you can have a person be a valentine just fot the day and that can be special too. Friends are surprising valentines to have because they love use anyway alll the time. I tell myself that because it has been a while sinse i have had a meaning relating touch my heart on this occasion. Some things dont mean as much to you with out the capacity to share that love with someone. So try with a good person to try to get though hard day with out that special somone.am gong to . I have been avoid valentines day for awhile like the grinch since i have been alone. It is painful when you are are a romantoc/.


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Posted

You sound depressed and you're so young and beautiful, you have your whole life ahead of you, I have finally found someone and you will too, open your heart as well as your eyes, she's out ther looking for you!


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Susan_Duviella
Posted

I agree Jeanie; it is easier said than done, but it's not impossible. I understand depression all too well. I struggle with it often and sometimes it tends to feel like it will take over me. However, I use all that is in me to fight it and remind myself that it will not take over. I don't take medication [though some might say I should]. I deal with it in my own way until such time as I have no choice.

Struggling through things is always hard; that's why it's a struggle, but if one can try to keep his/her chin up, try to concentrate on the positive, the struggles may not be as bad. When it does get bad, then it's time for some outside help and there's nothing wrong with that. Just a thought.


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Posted

thanks susan for saying what I just wasnt able to put out there. it is depressing. I just tried to cover up what I have tried to do for so long all these years.


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We all cover up and that is part of our make-up as human beings to be ashamed of our feelings and that is also part of our society and how we are taught. I feel in this day and age we can express ourselves more with out being shamed into being quiet. Mental illness is not such a stigma as it used to be. There is also better medication that helps us to cope. If I could afford it I would love to be able to have that medication that keeps me better grounded and helps me stay focused on my goals but for now I fight the fight and keep moving and thats all you can do. Holidays are hard for alot of people and no Teri(your funny) hallmark did not invent these holidays to they can sell their cards. You funny Girl!! LOL Well maybe Easter!!


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i can go into my crap about how the religious sect took over the pagan days because the actual religous days do not fall on true religoius days. they are pagan holidays. But the christians would cry foul on that one. But check it out.. Also look out who decided what books to decide to put in the bible. I could go on. But there is so much not right in our world decided by men to make men look even better.Why? Woman are just as worthy. Dont get me wrong some have done some terribe things too, but look who showed her the way.


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Posted

ill send you a card in the mail! everyone deserves something on v day


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Samantha_Sayle
Posted

Thanks everyone. Im on meds for my anxiaty luckily we have the NHS so while im not working my meds are free and im starting therapy soon. It just puts me down because iv been single so long and cant go any where without being reminded of valentines day.


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you are not alone though. alot of us are single too and sharing this with you. Come back on any time and share your feelings whatever rhey are and let us hear them. It is okay. It is okay to vent to say them here what ever they are.. We are not going to negate them are whatever.Its hard to go through all this. we are like your journal to write on. Its thereaputic to talk about it. hugs.


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Posted

yes - Samantha keep in touch with us like Teri said we are your secret family who care.


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Susan_Duviella
Posted

Teri –
You said in an earlier post…. “the actual religous days do not fall on true religoius days. they are pagan holidays. But the christians would cry foul on that one”.
I had to giggle. I agree that many Christians would cry foul on that statement, but not all Christians would. I am a Christian, and I cannot cry foul on a statement if it is true; and what you said is true. For the most part, many “Christian” holidays are on days originally set for pagan holidays. Christmas, I believe is one of them. I’m sure many would love to scream at me for that one, but hey, it’s the truth. The problem with Christianity, and again, I speak as a Christian, is that too many don’t take the time to truly study biblical things. We take the word of others without validating the information from the word of God. We allow the way we were taught and the way we grew up to determine what the bible says… according to what we were taught. instead of studying the bible, bible history, and the history of the cultures that existed in the first century B.C.
LOL… I guess I’m not your typical Christian.


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Susan_Duviella
Posted

Samantha -
Good luck with everything. I am sure you will be just fine and I believe that one day you will find that special someone. God bless.


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Posted

Samantha stay on this the ladies here and Teri is one of them, got me through my break up stay on your meds


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Samantha_Sayle
Posted

Thanks gals, you really aare like a family, always there for each other. I have another problem now lol so im gonna post it and if you can help id be gratful x


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Posted

Don't take on too much Samantha, you have to take care of yourself first


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Posted

samantha? i'll send you one i just need to know where you live lol.


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Samantha_Sayle
Posted

My address is on my profile wich probly isnt a good idea haha, any one could turn up at my door. But theres no need to go out of the way to send me one, il live haha


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Posted

hey everyone shouldfeel special every once in a while


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Posted

We are all special


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