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Jony_Star

Complications - The Rainbow Lounge

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Posted

so for a long while my brother's girlfriend has been trying to hook me up with her brother...& i didn't show any interest cuz i found it a little weird to be double dating...my brother with her...& me with her brother...but well then comes new year's eve & i finally meet him...by the end of the night things begin to feel really nice...we cuddled & then he decides to tell me that he's polyamorous...which means he's into having an open relationship & that he already has a boyfriend right now...suprisingly for me this guy has awakened strong feelings that i thought i would never experience again...so i really like him a lot but i just find myself not comfortable with continuing this open relationship thing...but i've agreed to give it a shot...& i'm sorry if this sounds mean & selfish...but i can only hope that our relationship turns into a monogamous relationship at some point...cuz i know i'll be enough to keep him happy...& i can only hope my soulmate search is over...but only time will tell...^_^


Posted

Well Love All I can say about these "OPEN RELATIONSHIP" Situations is IF you are willing to chance going for it KEEP A GUARDED HEART ............ Just know that at some point you MAY Find that it is just NOT the thing for you ...... I never found them to be Very good myself ESPECIALLY when I realized that I had such Strong Feeling for the Boy at the time ....... Well it turns out that the boy ( and usually will be pretty much the case in most relationships as this ) does not harbor the same feelings and by your trying to subconsciously get him into a Monogamous relationship you will end up turning him away .............. I Hope that not be the case in your Situation but just remember that MOST OPEN RELATIONSHIPS NEVER END WELL And I just Don't like to see one so Beautiful as yourself to be so Hurt as may be the case in the end ............. GOOD LUCK in whatever you may Chose .................. xoxoxo .........................


Posted

Jony
Thomas has given you good advice and I would suggest much the same. Just take your time and guard your heart. You might be quite serious but just be careful, it's possible that he doesn't feel the same way about you. Just don't get hurt, love is a beautiful thing but try not to commit to it unless he feels the same. I personally would want to be sure that he is not having it off with others.
Love and peace.........xoxox


Posted

thanks for the advice...i've just realized that i didn't share my discussion that i had with him...but i had felt like i had to tell him how i felt & my concerns...i've always had a certain vision of my life...i want me a husband & kids...& well i think this is just bad timing...he tried to convince me that nothing will change about us...i kinda snapped a little cuz he made it seem like i shouldn't be so concerned...but my feelings are that strong...so we decided to give this a month trial...my only request was that i didn't wanna know what happens with this other relationship...& in the event that his primary relationship should end at some point...he would live a monogamous relationship with me...this was the only reason why i'm still trying this out...my heart has endured a lot over my previous 6 relationships...& i've come out stronger & wiser...again i really appreciate your advice...& i'll try to keep a guarded heart...


Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

Enjoy your New Year's gift for what it is!


Posted

that's what he told me...to enjoy the present...& that's exactly what i'm doing...i just hope we can make this work...


Posted

Just go with your gut feelings Jony, that's a pretty good guide. All the very best.


Posted

thanks John...so far when we're together he does make me feel like i'm the only one...which has me thinking this could work...but then reality sinks in & suddenly i remember that i'm not...i begin to wander into what future i'll have...& it has me going back to saying i can't do this...& then i settle back down...& remember that i promised to give it a try...& to not shoot him down so quickly without making a true effort...


Homer_Bozarth
Posted

sexy babo, you really need to be careful because you could get hurt babe


Posted

Hope it is ok if I jump in here with a bit of a different perspective.

I have always wondered why, since love is love, and how much I get is not lessened by how much another gets, that a poly couldn't work. I knew the answer was my own jealousy, ie the human tendency to want to have someone "all to ourselves." Well, I tried a poly last year, and found it to be one of the most beautiful moments in my life. No- it didn't end up working out due to a couple of factors, but I did see that in making the right choices with partners as in all partnerships that it could. I am much more able to believe that it can work.

No, I don't believe it is for everyone, and they take even MORE work than normal, because we are human and get jealous, and all those things. If you are going to do it, take time with yourself to examine your own feelings and desires for relationship (besides monogamy), and read some books on the subject and how those relationships work. They can work. They are all unique in what works for the people involved, so you have to be clear on what keeps YOUR buttons from getting pushed. Be open to possibilities.

This is where my caution for you comes in. Don't expect a monogamous relationship to come out of an open relationship! He has been honest with you about his wants and desires at this time. So if he doesn't change, it is not his failing, it is you having an expectation and then becoming unhappy that isn't met. We all tend to create illusions of who and what our lovers are, and when those illusions fail we have sorrow- no one did that to us, we do it to ourselves by believing in what we want to believe rather than in what we have.

If you have love when he is with you, then that is real.

If you find that certain things make you more or less jealous then talk about it and try to find a way not to go into the jealousy. He is with you because he likes you, and there is enough love for you and every other living being within him.

If he continues to like polyamourous relationships and you like monogamy and feel that is healthiest for you then that is the choice you should make for you and your own healthy relationship with self, don't give yourself drama over blaming or accusing when you have agreed to try with your eyes wide open.

Don't hold your heart back- love him for real. But keep your eyes open to your own feelings and keep talking. Like I said, open relationships take LOTS more communication and work because of our mortal innards, and the first time is the hardest and being clear with self.

I give you props for trying something outside your comfort zone.


Posted

thank you so much for that advice CJ honestly it pretty much hit me...& you're right i should give in to love rather than worry about my expectations...whatever will happen will happen & ihave to accept this relationship for what it is...but honestly when i fall or start fallin for someone...i have no desire to be with anyone else but that one person...so altho he's living a poly relationship...i'll be a monogamous partner...& he says that's ok...i know it might be hard for me...but because he means that much to me i'm willing give it my all...thanks a lot for your support guys...^_^



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