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Chud

If age is but a number then why does it scare me so much? - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

I'm not scared about growing up, I've accepted the fact that I'm old and frail, 20 years old, it's awful! I pulled a muscle putting Christmas Decorations up - how the hell does one do that?

Anyway, back to the matter at hand - I've recently been talking to a boy a lot, we got lots in common and chat a hell of a lot we make each other laugh and he lives down the road from me, at first I saw him as a mate, a brother of sorts, but now I feel myself literally falling for him, but the big problem is.... He's 16... I'm 20 - my friends family will not accept it... I'm not sure what his friends and family would say.
I really like the guy and don't want to lose him, but I'm falling for him and I don't think it's going to help me...
Oh age... Thou art a heartless bitch!


Posted

Ok so 20 y/o is OLD? I must be a Mummy then!!! (42 here). Age is just a number. I am happily married and my husband and I are 20 years apart!!! I am 42 he is 22. Age don't matter at all if there is real, honest and sincere love.


Timothy_Brown
Posted

@Richard I agree with Vlad. Age does not matter. My new boyfriend is 15 years younger than I am. If you can, I would wait to make a move until he is legal. You do not need to be charged with a crime. I wish you all the luck and patience in the world!


Posted

Over the UK the legal age for sex is 16, heterosexual and homosexual it's all 16


Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

I am a dinosaur at age 55, but I'd be happy with a younger lover. Sorry, that does sound very sincere, but it's true. Have had much younger lovers since my mid-thirties, when I became a grandfather, and it's ok. Only sometimes I'd like to have a conversation with some old croc who still remembers where they were when Kennedy was shot. And yes, Richard, time she is a bitch, just like gravity. They are no one's friends, least that's what Edina Monsoon says.


Heebie999
Posted

Your feelings, and his feelings, are the ones that are important.
If you accept each other.. who gives a damn if his family like you or not?
Stop worrying about it, and tell him how you feel. For all you know, he might not even feel the same.


Jim_Bond
Posted

At the moment, Richard, you are 25% older than him.
However, if you stick together long enough, when you will be 40, he will only be 10% younger than yourself. Even longer and he might catch up to you. (LOL)
All th above to show you that the difference in age right now will be negligible later, so hang in.


Marcus_Sykes
Posted

Got to agree with you & all the above.....age is just a number to me also, but there are limits! My ex-partner is three years younger than me, it wasn't age why he left - he no longer loved me :-( So, go for your lives, hope you are good for each other.
Remember, it takes two for a relationship. Take care :-)


Posted

Go for it mate!
Who cares what other people think. I've met 16 year olds who are more mature than 60 year olds. If he makes you happy and you make him happy; then don't let other people make you unhappy.
By the way; I'm Australian, but I have a lot of Welsh in my family background.


Timothy_Brown
Posted

Well, if the legal age is 15, there is no problem except for the parents and families.


Timothy_Brown
Posted

I misread, 16...


Posted

I'm going into teaching and if people catch wind that I'm with a boy under the age of 18 they'll brand me a paedophile and this will seriously hurt my chances of working with children, even tho the children I intend to work with are around the ages of 5 - 11


Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

You bet your sweet bippy they would!


Dave_Mack
Posted

Chud I think in this case maybe you should take a step back. Be friends with him..be a guide to and for him. And don't allow yourself to get TOO close to him. With the teacher thing looming on the horizon why potentially mess things up. Its OK to hang with him...go places together but keep it platonic. That way nothing can come back to bite you. I know this is not what you want to hear BUT why potentially jeopardise your future for a roll in the hay. At 16 he is going thru a lot of changes in his life. He THINKS he knows what he wants but trust me his is still probing. If this is to be then waiting til he is 18 can only help. Since you say his family is sour on the relationship they could ruin your future.. Think long term my friend...


Timothy_Brown
Posted

Well Richard, that changes everything. Please do not jeopardize your career for a fling, no matter how serious it is...


Posted

Guys, you're missing the point I DON'T just want to have a one night stand with him, when I think of him I smile because his laugh comes into mind, his voice, his cheeky smile, his sarcastic attitude, the way he makes me laugh so effortlessly, if I'm honest sex is the last thing I would ever want from him, I just feel myself falling for him and it just worries me


Heebie999
Posted

You need to make a choice. Since you're not *IN* teaching yet, and you're still only 4 years older than him, by the time you are actually a teacher, he'll probably be over 18, and still only a few years older than you.

If he doesn't feel something similar towards you, the whole point is moot anyhow, so you should try & find out how he feels.

If sex is the last thing you would want with him.. then perhaps you're best off staying friends. I've mad some good friends over the years who were people I was interested in, who were not interested in me.

One of the most important things to think on is whether a relationship is something that you would want. Would it make you happy? If a relationship with him could make you happy, then that could very well be more important than what people think of you because of whom you're dating.
Your life is *YOURS* to live, and not *THEIRS* to judge.


Posted

Well I would like to be his boyfriend, but when your someone's boyfriend doesn't mean you must have sex all the time, a relationship is far more than sex.
I'd like to be his b/f without jeopardising my future career!
I don't know if he's even had sex because he may not be ready so in that case I would never pressure him to do so - I don't want him for sex I want him for the company he keeps, for the endless chats we have, staying up until 4:00am chatting about random things and playing the piano together over webcam, them are our moments and our memories and they are things that no one can take from us


Heebie999
Posted

You said:
Well I would like to be his boyfriend, but when your someone's boyfriend doesn't mean you must have sex all the time, a relationship is far more than sex.

I say: Wow! I *REALLY* wish more gay guys realised that!

It sounds like you have a wonderful friendship with him. It still begs the question: Would a relationship with him make me happy?
If you believe it would, and your happiness is more important to you than your career, then you should go for it.
If it won't, or your career takes precedence over your happiness, then you should keep your feelings in check and be just his friend.

and still.. if HE wouldn't be interested in more than friendship.. then it doesn't matter. Relationships can't happen on only one side. (although there are plenty of people who get it in their heads that they are "in a relationship" when the other person sees them as "just a friend" or "just a friend with benefits")

Any way you look at it, there are two important questions:
1.&gt Is he interested too?
2.&gt Would a relationship deeper than what I already have with him, make me happy?

You could ask a third: Will I be satisfied with being just his friend? This one might help you make up your mind on #2.


Posted

When I was 40 I fell for a guy that was 21, I was married had a daughter that was 14 at the time and his father was my age. It did not stop me from following my heart. I divorced to live with him my family came to accept him and his father was happy to see his son so happy, the only one that could not accept the age difference was his mother (She just had to live with the fact). If the boy you have feelings for has the same feelings for you my advice is GO FOR IT. Love does not come aroud often in a lifetime


Dave_Mack
Posted

Mario the only problem with this is the person Chud is interested in is currently 16. While it may be LEGAL in the UK many will look down on him. There is a large difference between a 16 and 21 yr old. I think the many you had/have may have been looking for a daddy of some sort with that much of an age difference. But you BOTh were more than of age. While Chud is only 4 years older than the young man he is interested in there IS a fairly large difference between 20 and 16.
Dont get me wrong. I fully undertstand the feelings. Been there, done that. But with that said and the way society is today about people being involved with "kids" one must be over cautious.



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