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Amy_Alexander-Madigane

xmas cracker type gags - Get HAPPY

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Amy_Alexander-Madigane
Posted


Q. What kind of bird can write?
A. A pen-guin

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective ?
A. Santa Clues!

Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A. It's Christmas, Eve.

Q. Why does Santa Claus like to work in the garden?
A. Because he like to hoe, hoe, hoe!

Q. What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman?
A. She gave him the cold shoulder.

Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A. Ice caps.

Q. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
A. Fleece Navidad!

Q. What is a snowman's favorite lunch?
A. An Iceberger!

Q. What do vampires put on their Christmas turkey?
A. Grave-y.

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. I'll have a boo Christmas without you.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark?
A. Frost bite!

Q. What do you call a snowman party?
A. A Snowball!

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. How is the Christmas alphabet different from the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

Q. What do the elves sing to Santa Claus on his birthday?
A. Freeze a jolly good fellow . . .

Q. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
A. Sandy Claws


Lizz_Doherty
Posted

I can't with the puns lmao. This made me laugh


Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

what do they call prostitutes in the North Pole?

Snow blowers/


DEE_TORRES
Posted

i need a girlfriend please santa help me i'm in florida i love you santa!!!


Tommy_Storey
Posted

Vary good & vary Funny .... lol xxx


Posted

Q. What do you get if you cross a wolf and a snowman?

A. Snowbite!


Debbie_Dibble
Posted

Very good, I know a few young folks that will like these!

@tristram: (gasping in air) O_O Shame, Shame, Shame!
(Besides wouldn't things freeze together?)

LOL!


Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

Only if her john is a snow man.

Who has the shortest sex life in the world?

Santa, he only gets to come once a year and then it's down your chimney!


Debbie_Dibble
Posted

Oooooohhhhhh....
Eeeeeeuuuuu....

I always thought the smell was from left over sour milk!!!!!!

Gag a maggot!

Hmmmm but when you think of it, Santa has real staying power do do it millions of times in one night, or a non-stop supply of ecstasy and viagra, lol....that's why the Betty Ford clinic is closed in January!


Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

That could be Debbie. Maybe we should make it easy on Santa and leave him oysters and Spanish Fly.


Debbie_Dibble
Posted

Lol.........what is Spanish Fly


Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

It was the early form of a roofie. It irritated your private areas just enough to make you horny, or so the story goes. We always left two aspirins and a cold mug of beer for Santa, and a plate of shredded carrots for the reindeers. That was when Mama began to make carrot cake at Christmas.


Debbie_Dibble
Posted

Okayyyy then.

I think the aspirin, beer and shredded carrots are a great idea. And mmmm I love a good carrot cake!


Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

Yea, mama needed aspirins and a beer by the time she finished stuff after we went to Midnight Mass.



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