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Csy_Liu

New lease ? - Get HAPPY

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Csy_Liu
Posted

I have been stuck in this 'grey zone' relationship for aprox 10 years. In between, there are arguments, jealousies and everything else you can find in a .. 'real' relationship except she had boyfriends after we broke up. I stood by her even after she cheated on me.
Call it stupidity or just pure love.. the trust just broke down further and it could never be back to how it used to be. It ended recently that we aren't even friends now.
I can't seem to find that smile I used to have back then. I'm just wondering if it's possible to even break free from love this strong and stand tall and smile wider and be Happier than I used to be.

Cheers


Leslie_Lewis_51814
Posted

Dear Scy Liu

Any relationship is like the dance of the tango because if you look at the title of the song which is a fact it is that - It takes two to Tango - as they say
It is very true and extremely hurtful when you get what you are describing as a case of 'unrequited love'. that is where love is given only from one side of the relationship and there is no or very little equalled response'

I have - like so many thousands of others been on the breaking up end of relationship both hetrosecual and gay wise and whatever it is it is not pleasant at all and very painful at the time - worse of all no one at the time can feel the pain you are actrually physicallly and emotionally going through at the moment although we have been through it at some time in the past.

Without hearing the 'other side of the argument/differences' from your partner it is difficult and very unfair to comment but what I will say is that when there are circumstances where compromises and understandings are not able to be reached wheher it is from your side or the other person's side the best thing in one respect is to 'cut your losses', cut back and save further hurt by going your own individual ways.

It is very hard indeed especilly when gay relationships are involved when different views of things has to be taken into consideration.such as what joint interests do you have, what are the age differrences of the partners, what does each of the person's family think and how or if they accept the situation, what are the priorities of your relationship and above all which seems to be a common fault with gay relationships - I am NOT saying it is in the case with yourself but never the less one that has to be considered - and that is to what extend and role does sex play with you both.

I have had two relationship break ups and my late wife pased away when I was away somewhere. Since then destiny has found me a companion who cares for me and we both have a good type of relationship but not a partership nor one that is based on sexual involvement in particular. We compromise with each other in every way.

With any relationship or say a business partnership both partners have to be UNSCRUPULOUSLY HONEST with each other and speak to each other about what your difficulties between you are if such is to be successful. Either way you both should be able to come to a decision one way or another without the need to scream and shout at each other or throwing the kitchen cutlery and crockery at each other as that is going to solve nothing at all other than create further problems for the two of you.

You are of course allowed to have your own opinions and do your own things on your own at times of course - for you or your partner to look at or talk to other people does NOT you have been having or having a rampant sex orgy with them every day. A main element of a relationship is the trust that comes with the peace of mind that you are both happy. Trust and rrespect is something that is earned and not demanded so both parties have to earn that respect and trust with hard work and mutual consideration from you both towards each other.
.
I take it you are not together now and if that is the case - despite it being difficult - you both really need to socialise as best you can with other people at other than the usual venues and if you do meet each other at a neutral venue if you can't be basically polite or pass a mere 'Are you keeping alright in health?' type of comment then it is best to simply go in your own different directions.

Nobody at all (unless you are a rampant drama queen who just like to create attention) likes to, wants to, or should be in the slightest bit interested in other people's problems and unfortunately in Liverpool where I came from at the time, ponthe scene there were nosey drama queens by the dozen who revelled in listening to and getting involved with other people's problems - simply because their own lives are so void of any useful purpose or goal in the first place.

You can always go to a gay relationship councillor or go to the organisation RELATE who deal with gay partnerships etc as well. Take your time, take each day at a time and try and socialise in other places - ABOVE ALL - Don't go on unending drinking or smoking sprees as this will not make your problems disappear permanently - it may do for that night only but you will end end with real serious problems the next morning and afterwards if it carries on. Take things on a moderate and day to day basis otherwise your problems will never be solved - only uincreased and the person you are hurting will only be yourself. Why deprive yourself of seeking some form of happiness because a a bad past experience. Keep those experience in the past where they belong and work for the future.

Best wishes Leslie Lewis (Psychic Consultant)


Debbie_Dibble
Posted

@: Csy: In answer to you question, yes it is do-able. There are many who've been or are exactly where you are. Give yourself a break. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend who was hurting. Let yourself feel every single emotion. You'll get there!


Csy_Liu
Posted

Thank you to you both. The words are so inspirational @Leslie Lewis and wise.
@Debbie Dibble Thank you for your encouragement (:


Posted

Csy
Love and life is more than often unfair, the problem we all face is we keep looking at the door that has shut and miss the next door that is opening in front of us.
Csy your sweet smile will return and you will find someone else. If your G/F cheated on you then she is the one who has the problem. To me if someone cheats on you then they are liars and don’t deserve someone that loves them the way you seem to love her.
Leslie is right, friendship and TRUST is paramount in a steady relationship. Yet I do believe that GOOD mutually enjoyed sex also plays an important part of a relationship.
So Csy don’t pounder on lost loves, look for new exciting loves.
(((HUGS))))
Jillian



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