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Danielle_Payne

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Danielle_Payne
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Amy sat in an empty room. It was cold and damp. Any sign of life was scarce. She fingered the drawstring of the bag that rested in her lap. A small rectangular patch was sewn upon the bag. Rainbow. Six stripes across. Red. Orange. Yellow. Green. Blue. Violet. Next to the Rainbow patch there was a small, simple, green shamrock patch. The two defining patches on my soul. Amy raised her eyes to gaze look around the dingy room. At one side, there was the “kitchen.” It was a stove, sink, and refrigerator. Next to that, there was a door, loose and crooked in its frame. It led to the bathroom. Her eyes then scanned across the wall. Taking in the peeling grey paper that covered the walls. The stained yellow ceiling. And the patches of stained and torn carpet. There was a single window that let in a slight amount of moonlight. And that let in a considerable amount of chilled air. The window refused to close all of the way for its’ stuck rusted hinges. So, this must be Hell. Amy could barely breathe. Her heart hurt. She had no more tears to cry. They had seemingly dried up. She knew though they’d return. The tears always came back. A well that never dries. She slowly pushed herself up off of the floor and moved deftly to the bed. Turning off the decrepit lamp, she slipped beneath the blankets, letting them consume her. Her bag was hugged close to her chest, she clung to it terrified that if she were to let go then it would disappear. With it the life she once had would dissolve into the air. Eighteen years old. She was still a child. Eighteen years old. She was still fragile. Eighteen years old. She was still alone. She was on her own. Amy closed her eyes against burning tears. She had known they would return. She closed her eyes against her new broken home. The bag became her one last memory of a life once had. She squeezed it tighter against her chest, trying to pull a bit of comfort from it. She hated feeling so alone. She tried to get warm beneath the flimsy blankets, wondering if, she’d ever be able to recapture the warmth she once felt. As she began to drift into a sea of nightmares, a gentle ring brought her back to the waking. The ring of her cell phone was her salvation from a troubled sleep. Hardly moving she retrieved the phone from the depths of her bag. Fear slid into her stomach like an icicle, who could be calling? Reading the glowing screen a familiar name showed itself. Toni. A fleeting smile warmed Amy’s features against the frozen darkness. “Hello?” she answered weakly. “Amy?” was the reply from the other side. “Yes Toni, it’s me.” “Oh, thank God. I’ve been calling your house for hours.” Amy let out a bittersweet laugh. “You’ll never find me in that house ever again.” “Why? What happened?” “They kicked me out.” “Why did—“ “Why do you think?” “You’re kidding!” “I wish I was…” Amy sighed. She tried to stay strong, but it was beginning to be too hard. “Baby, where are you?” “In a bedsit.” “Where at?” “22 high street.” “I know the place, what room are you in?” “Toni, don’t. I’m fine.” “That’s bull. I can tell by your voice that you’re far from it. I’m coming. Which bedsit? Or shall I just knock on every door until you answer?” “2C.” Amy’s voice was quiet and scared. She felt like a child lost in the supermarket, blind panic filling her. “I’ll be there in ten minutes. It will be okay.” Toni reassured. “Yeah…okay.” Amy didn’t believe that it would ever be okay again. She had been disowned by her parents. Her family. How could anything be okay? The connection died and Amy shoved the phone back into her bag. Finally giving up the death grip she had around it, she rolled to lay on her back, staring into the shadows. She didn’t ask for any of this. Any of it. It was just who she was, just the way things were. Her parents couldn’t love her because of who she was. Five minutes had passed when a knock, followed by a soft voice came from the other side of her door. “Amy?” it was Toni. The dread that had been building inside of her finally began to ebb. Amy lifted herself from the bed and moved her bag to the floor. Steadying herself with her feet on the floor she stood, then she slowly walked to the door. She shivered against the chill in the room, it was so dark, so empty. How very fitting. Finally she managed to open the door, light poured into the dank room from the hall. She looked up slowly and a breath taking sight greeted her. Toni stood there, glowing against the shadows, the hall light eclipsed by her. She held out a white rose to Amy. Her honey locks had been pulled up into a loose bun, and brown eyes behind oval lenses held sympathy and love. Toni didn’t wait for an invitation, she stepped into the apartment, not once looking away from Amy. She shut the door behind her, the room falling into darkness once more. But the darkness wasn’t so cold, and Toni wrapped her arms around Amy pulling her into a warm hug. “Oh, Toni…” Amy managed to choke out before she started to sob. “Shh, darling. I’m here now.” Toni held Amy tightly, and she kissed Amy’s forehead, offering the only comfort she knew. Love. “I feel so lost Toni. I don’t know what to do.” “I know. We’ll figure it out. We can do this, together.” “Together?” “Yes, together. I love you.” “But why? My parents don’t want me. Why should you?” “ Because I can see what they don’t. A beautiful young woman, with a good heart. You hurt for other people’s pain, you want to make a difference in the world. You want to be able to be yourself. Your heart, it’s tremendous. You care for everyone. Your only fault, is that you love. I honestly can’t fathom not wanting you. You did what most can’t, what most never do. You came out to your parents; you wanted them to know who you are. You have done nothing wrong, and I love you Amy, do not ever doubt that.” Amy sobbed once more and clung closer to Toni. She buried her face into the taller girl’s shoulder and sobbed. Toni rubbed her back and whispered into her ear. “My sweet angel, shush, rest your tired mind. Tomorrow we will face the world. We’ll face it together. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you, and I will help you.” “Toni…I…thank you…” there was so much more that Amy wanted to say, but words couldn’t express all that she felt. She wiped her eyes and stared up at the beautiful vision before her. It dawned on her then, that she was ready. She could do it now, she was free, and she wasn’t hiding. She could finally return what she had not been able to before. “Toni…I love you.” And as the words slowly settled in Toni’s mind, a slow smile crept upon her lips. Tears formed in the corner of her eyes, and in a quick movement, she dropped the rose in her hand and took Amy’s face between her palms. She brought their lips together, a kiss full of desperation, full of urgency, full of relief. Full of love. When they reluctantly parted to breathe Toni smiled. She leaned in and kissed Amy’s forehead. She had been waiting for months to hear those words. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t—“ “Shh, It’s okay. You weren’t ready. I told you before; I’d wait forever for you.” Toni slipped her hands down slowly. Her right hand came to rest upon Amy’s neck, and the left hand upon her hip. She smiled brilliantly, once again she brought Amy’s lips to her own, meshing them together, slowly, gently. Amy closed her eyes. For the first time in hours, she felt a tinge of warmth enter her body. Her right hand slipped upward to nestle itself in those blonde locks. Her left hand found itself rested upon the curve of Toni’s lower back. Such a subtle change that transforms a desperate clinging into a comforting embrace. When Amy attempted to deepen the kiss Toni pulled away. Amy whimpered. Toni smiled warmly. “I love you Amy. You’ve had a rough day, and you need rest.” “But I want to–“ ”You have nothing to prove to me. It can wait. I can wait.” Toni led Amy to the bed and turned the light off before slipping into the bed behind her. She slipped her arm around Amy’s waist and held her close. “Just rest my love.”


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Tristram_Goncalves
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Good story, character development, good descriptive setting. I was sitting there in that room with Amy, feeling her pain, fear, desperation and hurt.


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beautiful but sad yet so true is this tale.....

Lesbian Suicide
By Renee’
23/02/2010

Life sets up continuous struggles
You survive one, and another kicks you in the teeth
You lay in this wall to wall of grey
Everyone for your life does pray
You’re a Lesbian Suicide

They say you are too young to do it
Too old to think that way
But life has you stumbling at each block
As you watch your fragile life ticking like a clock
You’re Lesbian suicide

Pushing away the food
You don’t eat when you’re so upset
Then the day breaks and you feel so alone
The sun burns at your shadow
You feel the aches become pains
Oh no, no, no, You’re a Lesbian suicide

“Oh no love you’re not alone”
You look at yourself in the mirror
But you don’t care
You have your head so messed up
That no one seems to sound clear
“Oh no love you’re not alone”
You’re a Lesbian suicide

No matter what you have had to do
No matter what you have done
Your life comes to nil
As the sharp knife strikes at your brain
There is No thunder or rain
You’re a Lesbian Suicide

Just turn to me
Reach out your hand
I am here
You’re not alone
Give me your hands
I’ll be wonderful
You’re not alone
Oh no, no, no You’re a Lesbian suicide




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A Lesbian’s Strife
By Renee’
19/02/2010

When you are born they take over your life
Forcing their discipline and causing you strife
Till the pain is so unbearable
You don’t give a fuck and think of another variable
Setting their standards
And forcing them on you
But inside you feel different
You can’t leave, because you have no rent

They hate you if you are too clever
Forcing you to do their school
Are you just a fucking fool?
Their rules make you so fucking crazy
Sometimes you wish you had a tool
Then you too can be fat and lazy

For twenty odd years they have fucked with your mind
Expecting you to leave your feelings behind
Feeding you religion, hate and TV
Mindless and classless they want you to be
But inside you feel different
You can’t leave, because you have no rent

There is a husband they have chosen for you
You become so afraid, to confess or shed a tear
Because they have filled you with their fucking fear
You say stop no more
Now they lock the door
What have we done to deserve this, is their cry
Filling you with their fucking lies

You are what!
As the slap reins across your face
The pain removes your breath, leaving without a trace
To the ground you fall
They stand over you so tall
In fear all you can do is crawl

Night falls
All is silent
You listen at the door
To see if you can hear his snore
You must leave this place
As your heart begins to race

Alone in the street you will be
No place to stay
No rent to pay
But you are free
As a Lesbian, this has to be
But fuck, you are free
No place to stay
No rent to pay
You are a Lesbian and you are free


To all the young Lesbian girls who are afraid of coming out, DON”T fear, living free as a Lesbian will set you free. My parents TOTALLY disagree, but FUCK them I am FREE!!!!!!!!!!!


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Danielle_Payne
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ty tristram xx


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A very good story Danielle and very true how some people are so damned narrow minded they can't see we are no different than them. We want to love and be loved just like them. Thanks for sharing that with us.


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