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Jillian_Anka

Some Time for Yourself - Get HAPPY

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Some Time for Yourself


I love people. I love having many in my life. I love connecting with them. And I deeply value my relationships with them. Yet, every so often, I like to be by myself.

Intense

My desire to be alone at times stems from a need to connect with myself, rather than a need to disconnect from others. I was a senior in college when I first saw the benefits of a little alone time. Like many seniors, I was taking a full course load and interviewing for jobs at the same time. My majors were science and economics. Ended up studying physiotherapy and qualified in this field.
For a period of time, my life felt crazy-busy. Applying for jobs, preparing for interviews, travelling to and from interviews, going to class, and doing homework and projects left me with little time to breathe. I planned my time carefully. I put everything I had to get done on my calendar to ensure that I didn’t drop any balls. And I checked it frequently to find out what I was doing next. I had a lot to do. I had relatively little time to do it in. And I wanted to do it all well. My life was intense.

Losing a connection to my heart

That intensity became my norm in the years to come, but this was my first experience with it. At the time, I enjoyed it. I liked having a lot to do. And I liked the feeling of being on top of it all. But every once in a while, I noticed that I was sad for no particular reason. The sadness was almost imperceptible. And when it struck, it usually lingered through the week.

My weeks were engulfed with “doing.” I had many things to get done. And I went from one thing to the next, robot-like, without stopping to reflect on the big picture or to consider any feelings that came up. Such things weren’t remotely on my radar. Or even close to it. And anyway, I didn’t have the time. But living robot-like left me feeling disconnected from the human being that I was. Disconnected from myself. Disconnected from my heart.

I now believe that I was sad because I had lost my connection to my heart.

Processing

By Friday night, the sadness seemed to lift. Fridays were different. The week’s business was done. Nothing was imminent. Saturday and Sunday stood between me and my next sprint. I had a little space to catch my breath and to relax. So, on Friday afternoons, I often found myself lying in bed, exhausted, staring at the ceiling or out the window, doing nothing.

Out of the nothingness arose thoughts about my week. As they came up, I processed them. For instance, if a thought about an interview I had came up, I reflected on how it had gone and on where it might go. I considered whether I really wanted the job. On what my alternatives were if I didn’t get it. And whether I should be doing anything different. If thoughts about a class I was taking came up, I reflected on how I was doing in it. On whether I was on track to get the grade I wanted. On what I should be doing if I wasn’t. And how to prioritize my tasks to ensure that I did. In that way, I processed certain important aspects of my life. But I also processed my feelings.

As I lay in bed, feelings came up. For instance, feelings about my interactions and relationships with the people in my life came up. I reflected on why I felt a certain way. Was it me? Was it the other person? I considered whether I liked the feeling. And whether I should change my approach going forward. Feelings about situations I had been in came up. I asked myself whether I liked being in those situations. And why, or why not. What had bothered me? What hadn’t? Why? Feelings about the purpose of my life came up. At the time I was questioning God and religion, reading quantum-physics based theories about the universe, and pondering the meaning of it all. Feelings about what I had read came up. I sorted through them as best as I could. And so, I processed my feelings.

Happier

As I processed my thoughts and feelings, I reconnected with myself. I checked in with myself about where I was heading, whether I still wanted to go there, and whether I was taking the right path to wherever that was. As I did those things, I found my way back to a core part of myself. A side benefit was that the organizing and planning aspects of processing my thoughts left me feeling more prepared for, and less overwhelmed by what lay ahead. Hence, I was also more at peace.

My feelings had waited all week to be acknowledged. But I had refused to give them the time of day. Finally, I was allowing them into my awareness and addressing them. In doing so, I processed them, and found my way back to my heart. I felt more peaceful and centered. And much happier.

But that was just the beginning. While I had noticed that I felt better after my contemplative Friday afternoons, I didn’t know why. And I didn’t realize that something within me needed them. So, for the next years, I continued my robot-esque “doing.” I rarely if ever, took time to process; and lived disconnected from my heart.

Eventually, I ran myself to the ground. And I stayed there for a while. But every so often, I craved some time to be alone. When I did, I started to make the requisite space for it. It happened more often, and became a more regular part of my life. And it usually left me feeling more peaceful, centered, and much happier.

Observations

I made a few observations along the way. First, I noticed that I didn’t need to be completely alone. As long as no one was making any demands on me, however tiny, I could process. A quite hike with friends worked just as well as shutting myself alone in a room. Second, I didn’t need to be sitting or lying down. I could have been vacuuming my apartment or doing the dishes. As long as I had the emotional space to process fully, it worked.

There were two more things. I didn’t need to anticipate, and set aside a time to process. I knew I needed it when I felt like it. Then, I made the time. Finally, I didn’t worry about what I needed to process. I allowed whatever came up to guide me. If something didn’t come up, I trusted that it didn’t need my attention at that time.

For the people I love. And for myself.

Many years ago, I didn’t understand why people needed alone time. If a loved one asked for time to be alone, I took it personally. My insecurities led me to believe that they didn’t want to be with me. I felt hurt and sad. Now, I see it differently.

I find that when I have had a chance to process my thoughts and feelings, I am emotionally healthier. I am more centered. I am more at peace. I am able to give more to others, and to give more happily. I am deeply connected to my heart. I am more fulfilled. And I am happier.

How could I not want that for the people I love? And for myself?


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Tommy_Storey
Posted

When you love your self,then
you can start to love other`s.......

Yes it is Vary,vary,important,
to make Time for your self.
All way`s ...........


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Posted

Being connected to yourself, finding/having inner peace, being happy, feeling positive vibes, has to do with a state of mind. A lot of people think happiness is a line on their shopping list. It's not. It's a way of being.
A few guidelines to help you get their more easy.
Exclude arrogance and snobism out of your life.
Create a living invironment in which you feel serene.
If you have the choice between complaining (which is easy) or doing efford to be positive, humouristic and light hearted (not meaning being supperficial), do the efford.
You will see that the effect is spectacular...
It's an exercise in 'the will to sublime the daily routine'.


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