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Not good enough - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

This is now getting to me, believing I'm not good enough for anyone or anything.
The past two satisfying relationships I've had have ended because the person doesn't love me the way they should - this is not a coincidence this is because I'm not good enough for their love, I'm not good enough for anyone's intimate love, this is a fact - I did have one guy who loved me no matter what happened and sadly he passed away and I won't lie sometimes I think it's better to join him so I can be happy with him forever.
Today I had a job interview, I had a 15 minute supervision while working with children who require extra support, then I spent a whole hour in a mainstream class room, I really enjoyed what I was doing, I felt... Happy for the first time in over 2 weeks, I smiled and laughed, I enjoyed working and feeling useful, I then had an interview and shaking like a leaf I thought I gave amazing answers, I even surprised myself with the answers I gave - I didn't get the job, I was told I done an amazing job during the interview but I was unsuccessful on this occasion I was gutted but then later seeped into disappointment and realised I'm not good enough.

So let's review shall we, 2 really great relationships that ended because the boy I love so much doesn't love me as I love them, a job I really enjoyed doing I couldn't get even though I gave good answers.
Guys, do you know how much this hurts? I doubt you do, big time, I always told everyone they are good enough, because they are they truly are.
This is going to sound cheesy but my heart really does hurt, sometimes I have chest pains, and I become breathless and sometimes find it difficult to breathe, like now.
I'm done, I've had enough, bye guys, I'll see you soon.


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Dave_Mack
Posted

Richard you ARE more than good enough. You just were the unfortunate receiver of poor or no affection in return. Some people in their late teens are not capable of an LTR. They want a roll in the hay and move on to someone else. You are not that sort of man. You are into a relationship. Trust me i can more than relate. Stop persecuting yourself. You've had to be on the so called pity pot. I urge you as a friend to pick yourself, dust yourself off and move on. The right person IS out there. You and he have just not connected yet.

Job wise I was wondering WHY did they not give you the position? You say you had an amazing interview? All went well. Did you ask what you DONT have that they were looking for in an applicant? If they didnt I would contat the hiring amnager that interviews you and ask. It can help you in future applications.

Stop putting yourself gown. You are a very special guy who has helped me and others on here. Let time heal. It will all be OK soon... Trust me on this...


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Heebie999
Posted

Not good enough me arse! You're plenty good enough, but as I've said before, you're thinking that the guy you meet is "the one" instantly. Try to just let things develop & hold yourself back if you start feeling that way. It's incredibly normal to end up dating a bunch of different people before you find a relationship that lasts.

As for job interviews.. it takes practice to get really good at them. I have a skillset that makes me extremely employable.. I could probabliy get another job anywhere in the world within a month or two.
That month or two would be spent in interviews over & over again.. probably dozens, with dozens of different companies.
I'm reasonably well-educated, and have an excellent grasp on the subject matter I deal with at work.. but some interviewers might not like me, or I might have an off day, etc.. It would have nothing to do with whether I was "good enough" for the job. I would be. AND SO ARE YOU. The interviewers just didn't think you were the right fit.. or that someone else was a better fit for some reason. (Maybe one of them had a famiily member going for the job...who knows.)

I've had relationships end badly too, but I'm still here, and still looking, because I believe that eventually I will find someone who is right for me.

That breathless feeling sounds like a panic attack.. if it is, you can learn to cope with them.

Now.. cut the crap with the "I'm not good enough" nonsense, and start choosing to rise to every challenge that matters to you, and that you will be the best *YOU* that you can be.

You are good enough, dammit!


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Posted

Will you stop! I know exactly how you feel, I've been applying for a job since I left high school but still no luck, I've had interviews but none of them even bothered to email me to say that I didn't get the job and you've 2 great relationships you said, well guess what?!....I barely had any, all I had ended up in long distance and adultery committed by my boyfriend....so STOP! Someone, somewhere, has got even worse and trust me, there's not an hour went by that I didn't think about suicide, that everything is pointless, that I have no future or that all my dreams will just always be a dream!


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Posted

Richard, you're going to have tough times in your life where you want to just call it quits and give up because you think there's no point. I know I shouldn't be talking, but don't mistake me, I'm not judging or telling you what you should do, only you can do that.
To this day Richard, I'm almost 23, and I haven't had a single relationship. A single boyfriend. Not one. To me, I thought it was everything, I believed me, myself in general, was not good enough for anyone it seems. After so long of being scoffed, laughed, played, and ignored I believed that I was not good enough for anyone. I absolutely believed it. Maybe not outwardly expressing it, but it has been eating away at my heart forever.
You're talking to someone who doesn't know what love feels like at all. Who has nothing. No family, no friends, no boyfriend on the outside world. Someone who does not have anything but himself to motivate for.
I wanted to be a firefighter, ever since out of high school, I trained, for many years. I tried the first time to be a fire fighter 2 years ago this fall, I didn't pass, I tried again last year, same result, I tried again a week ago, same result. My physical ability was progressing every year, but somehow, despite that, I was still denied. Why? Because they picked a guy who only a little bit bigger than me, a little more dominant and muscular. I outran that same guy everytime in the mile. I outdid his performance on the obstacle course. But yet even all that, I was still not good enough to do a profession I wanted in my life.

How fair is that?

But don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to squash your reasons, I'm only telling you this because despite all this, the emptiness, the loneliness I feel every day since I was about 12-13 years old, I still keep going.
Why? I don't know. I have plenty of reasons to quit on everything, including life itself. But I don't. Because I know, deep down, despite all this, I know things can't get any worse.

It only makes it worse if you let it.

So don't let it, keep trying. Please keep trying.


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Posted

Get Yourself off 2 your GP, Now Richard, Tell him ur Sympthom's.


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Posted

Richard come on you are too good to do the self pity thing, please


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Posted

I can't say much more than everyone else has already said, so I'll just say pretty much the same thing in my own words...

Not only are you good enough, you are BETTER than the stupid guys who were incapable of seeing just how good you are. (If that makes sense.) Just because a couple of dipsticks are too thick to realise just what a catch you are doesn't make you any less of a person. It actually says far more about them than it does about you. A relationship, like anything else worth having in life, needs commitment and effort. You are obviously prepared to put in that effort. Others, unfortunately, can be too lazy to do so, and when things don't go quite their way, they just "jump ship", find a new "Mr Right Now" and take the easy way out.

Besides, you have come through so much and survived. It would be unthinkable to give up now.

Keep believing in love, and keep believing in yourself. One day (and I really hope for you that it is soon), the RIGHT guy will come along for you, and when that happens, you need to be in a place where you can accept his love and feel deserving of it.

In the meantime, try (and I know this is hard) to put a positive spin on your last two relationships and treat them as learning experiences rather than "wastes of time". I understand that it feels f***ing painful right now (excuse the vernacular!), but I can tell you from personal experience that it WILL get better. The pain in your chest will ease with time, and you'll be left stronger, not weaker for the experience.

Oh, and by the way, this may sound crazy, but one thing that helped me when I went through a similar break-up was to go out into a field, miles from anywhere and anyone, and just scream and curse at the top of my voice... let out every bit of anger, misery and resentment in a safe place where no-one could hear me. I know it sounds totally nuts, but it works... honest!


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Tristram_Goncalves
Posted

Richard,

It goes back to forgiving yourself, and that takes time. All my many lovers left me by telling me I was too good for them. They were just thru using me as a piece of meat to pnentrate their orifices.Just because you love them don't mean that they love you. I have had a strict rule for a long time now, if they say that they love me too soon I give them a reality check about the L word. It can't be used until I feel that they know who I am and care, you can't love me if youdon't know my middle name or can't properly pronounce my surname, what's my birthday, my favorite color, my fondest memory, do you even know where I was born at?

They can love the great sex we share, they can love my sense of humor, they can love that I am so real, ofcourse most of them don't love my sarcastic attitude when they've aggravated me but I think it's endearing. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke cuz I'm sick of men talling me how much they love me just to make me more pliable when they just want a sex partner and are probably looking for your replacemnt.

As for job interviews, even the good ones suck. I hate having to prostitute myself 40 hours a week by selling my goods in an interview. Tell you a funny story, I havealways been a large man, tell and stocky. I had a job interview with a very boring little man who annoyed me asking ridiuculous questions and quickly bored of the whole thing. He made a judgement call and wrote on the paper in front of me, not very smart but big guy for heavy lifting. He was surprised when he looked up aqnd saw my face, I can't hide nothing cuz my emotions are always written on my face. He didn't figure that I was intelligent enough to read upside down, SURFUCKINGPRISE, I got up and went to leave the office while he was telling me thst I could start Monday morning. I was so motherfucking pissed and offended that I was gonna walk outta that office and show him a thing or two. Then I proved him right by opened the closet door instead of the office door, but I quickly found that and walked out.

I know I aint fucking perfect, but Iaint nobody's fool, at leqast I didn't waqlk into that closet. Richard, life is a beachand thenyou tread water while the sharks swim around nibbling you toes. You can either float in place feeling bad for yourself or puncha shark in theface and let theothers have a feeding frenzy on him. Survival is half the battle, the other half is to find a little happiness to try to stay sane. Smile, or they beat you down.


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Joshua_Florence
Posted

All I can say is that everything in this life begins and ends with loving yourself first and foremost. Your value as a person in *not* dependent on being in a relationship or what anyone else thinks of you.
People and jobs come and go. I don't like that fact either. But if you have healthy self esteem and radiate good energy, along with having and setting good interpersonal boundaries, your chances of successful endeavors will likely improve. It takes time and effort. And stepping over several speed bumps along the way. Seek the support of friends, family, counsellors, anyone in your circle. Above all, be gentle with yourself. Please don't isolate or ruminate on negative self talk.


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WillEl
Posted

Not good enough just means you have something to do to improve yourself. I am in a bad position similar to you which I am not going to share here and I am not expecting others to understand either. Everyone has his problem. Sometimes we have people there to help us, sometimes we just have to walk through the darkness alone. Stay alive and there is always hope, though sometimes we can barely see it.

I have considered suicide in the past, but then I realize that maybe there isn't a afterlife. If I die, I am gone forever. I can never see those handsome guys again, I can never enjoy the beautiful world again, and what if my true love is still out there? what if my destiny still need to be fulfilled? So give yourself a chance and give your true love a chance.


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Posted

Really very well Put, Will.


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Simon_George_Honour
Posted

of coarse you are good enough and dont let any one tell you otherwise xx


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Posted

I was with my B/f for the last 5 year's. I got an E-Mail a month ago telling me he was moving 2 London, so Hense End of Relationship. Now yeh, i Loved him And the Sex was Awesome, So i had 2 think as i cant Let anything Bring me down. So yesterday he Started Instant Messageing me, He told me he would be back at Xmass for a Holiday and i should go stay in London in an Hotel for a Weekend. I told him NO CHANCE,"(that was a hard thing 2 do)" I told him i was Deleteing him off Everything, PC, Phone's ETC. Now it is breaking my Heart but if he waited till i was away 2 do this, well he is not worth fighting for. So i know it will Pass and i will start again, and if that fail's i will start again, LOL. Anyway i aint going 2 wollow in Sadness, I will get up Dust myself off and away i go Again, as i am Number 1 in my Life, and if i cant Look after myself, well i cant Help or Look after anyone Else.


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RompinRick
Posted

You will be fine. Just believe in yourself.
I am sure you are worth all the love in the world!


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Posted

Tanx Rick


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Keith_Imeson
Posted

richard you have to believe in yourself i have never been a relationship for some reason i can,t explain the person that i did fall in love was straight and he married a girl but were still friends and i have plenty of other bad times but i make fun of the bad things because life can,t always go the way you want it to. your young and good looking just keep trying,love you


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Chris_Nochance
Posted

When a relationship ends it’s important to look back & try to learn from it. Sometimes romantic individuals like to think things are better than they are, build things up for more than what it is. To prevent myself from doing this I’ve found it’s important to communicate with your partner to stay on base with them about where they are in the relationship. It’s important that both parties be honest with each other because if not one person can become overly invested in the relationship & get hurt. Too when a break up does occur it says more about the other person than it does the person who is getting broken up with. Maybe they’re not ready for a “relationship” maybe they weren’t ready for someone to be “committed” to at this point in their life etc. Never the less you can’t assign blame by saying “the other person didn’t……..” ya know what they say, if you want something done right ya have to do it for yourself. Sometimes that means we have to love ourselves enough to let the other person go even when we’re not ready. I know it’s hard to hear. I wish things were easier. But as different & unique as individuals are, we have to stay committed to finding that unique individual that fits us perfectly. Sometimes when we look deeper we honestly don’t like what we see, sometimes it’s easier for others to see that part of us that doesn’t fit with them. But somewhere out there is a match for us all…


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