Jump to content
Jony_Star

Same Question, Same Answer - The Rainbow Lounge

Recommended Posts

Posted

so my friend andre has been having trouble in his relationship...he had even declared himself single and had moved out of the apartment that he has w/his ex...and then went back...at 1st things were tense...and then he said they were back to normal...but when we went to the club he acted as if he was still single...so i was like ok...still i kept my guard up...because i didn't wanna confuse him or anything...besides i'm not much for being a rebound...made that mistake once...i'm not gonna do it again...but it's not easy for me...because i just feel very vulnerable when i'm around him...my heart races when he holds me...and yesterday i started kissing him again...and i asked him...if he's only attracted to me or does he actually have feelings for me???...and again the same answer i don't know...i'm like ok...are you planning to fix things with david (his ex/ or current bf...i don't know)...he didn't know that either...i told him to at least to let me know when he came to actually know something...i mean...honestly i don't see what's so difficult to figure out...i mean clearly you can tell the difference between physical and emotional attraction...right now...i'm past the physical attraction...cuz i don't really care about that...his personality is in sync with mine...honestly i'm just starting to develop an emotional attraction...and i could be reaching the end of my safe zone...i mean any more of this type of contact...and i could see myself falling for him...but i don't wanna pressure him or even push myself onto him and well i can only hope that everything gets sorted out soon...i mean even if he decides to not along with this even after i'm attached...i know i'll be fine...i'm a lot stronger than i look...and i can take rejection...i don't know if it's like a premonition or me just really wanting to give this a shot...but i feel like we might give each other the opportunity...but then there's that small seed of doubt that says to expect the unexpected...which actually makes sense...i do have to be prepared for such a situation but also have to be careful to not over think this situation...because then paranoia sets in...and well i actually have faith that our friendship will withstand anything...so whatever situation turns out to be...i'll be fine...i will over come it and see it thru...


Share this post


Link to post
Richard_Edwards
Posted

Kissing him is a big mistake on your part. You are kissing someone who still has feelings for his bf/ex. Even when he has broken up with the bf/ex, you will be kissing someone who is on the rebound.

Is this what you really want?

He needs to be single for a while to get over his ex/bf before you should be taking this to a romantic level.

Just an opinion from an old man.


Share this post


Link to post
bill240
Posted

Unless you are "soul mates" which I think occurs once every 100 years, for a relationship to work, both persons need to say, hey, this guy is special to me, I am going to put out the effort to try and make a relationship work between us. It means putting up with him in spite of all the differences you have, and all the little details that you each wish weren't there and the little details you wish were there in the other. It's a lot of work, and unless both are saying, let's make this work, I wouldn't expect much of a relationship to happen.


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

yea i know...and really at this moment i'm not really asking for a relationship...i just really want to know how he feels...cuz i mean i'm totally in the dark...i've actually never really had a problem reading a person before...but for the 1st time...he's actually mysterious...a bit confusing...but well i'll see what happens...i know nothing should be happening between us...but well he has the power to say no...and so do i...we'll see if we both say yes or no...


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

Hi Jony,

I agree with Richard Edwards comment, and even you know that it is a rebound situation as you stated that you experienced before. I understand deep attractions, I was so in love with a friend and she was with her lover for 15 years, but as strong as my feelings werenI respected their relationship one hundred percent. For me, I kept our friendship, but moved to another state 19 hours away from her, because I knew i could not be around her. I am not saying at the age of 19 that i handled it correctly to move, but i did not want her or her lover to know how strong i felt about her. Please listen to what Richard Edwards said as well, because when anyone first breaks up with someone they dearly loved, it takes a long time to grieve, as well as soul search. We are all a "work in progress". We must first love ourselves and know all our shortcomings and how we deal with our own issues or human emotions before, we can start loving someone else. Furthermore, I pray and talk with God a lot to provide me with the right answers, even when at times, i didn't want to hear those answers, but in the long run it is what i needed. I can only speak from experience, but when i do things my way, i hit many curves or brick roads, but when i truly heed or listen to God's voice through prayer, meditation, and through other people about huge decisions or small ones too, the road I travel is a lot less curvy, and not many road blocks.
I have had two relationships in my life, my first relationship was with a beautiful woman for four years, and my second relationship was with a woman for 16-1/2 years. With each of these relationships ending, i was very hurt, vulnerable, and grieved deeply. I was always told how long you were in that relationship is how long it takes a person to get over it and soul search ourselves so we do not make the same mistakes again. For me, once again that is balancing my shortcomings, which are pride, ego, patience, impulsive actions and expectations. Trust me it is a work in progress to keep these character defects in balance, because we are all human and make mistakes, but we should always humble ourselves when needed. What i am trying to say is similar to Richard Edwards, understand your friends situation and support him because he is vulnerable at this time. However, if you feel you need time because of your own deep attraction then give yourself and him time. Please know that when we really love someone it is easy to be selfless allowing them to deal with pain, grievance, growth or self discovery and happiness. True friends support one another. A true friendship is just as valuable as a true partner. Always think of how you would want to be treated in any situation and or put yourself in another persons moccasins.

I hope this helps you Jony.
Take Care
LOL,
Eydie


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

i do understand...and in fact...earlier when these incidents started...i was taking it upon myself to be the responsible one...and i was feeling bad...but honestly...yea he's really confused...but even when they broke up...he really acted like he didn't care...and now that he's back w/living with him...things have not really changed for him...but i do feel like i should give him some space and well i can wait...i actually think i should at least let him know how i feel and let him know that whatever he decides it's good with me...right now i'm strong enough to face the rejection...and honestly...if anything our friendship can endure anything...hell it's endured quite a bit...i know i haven't actually handled this situation as i should have...but well i can only keep trying the best i can to support him and be his friend...if anything should occur it will happen when he's ready...


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

Jony,

I am happy that you are taking the time to look at the entire situation. Honey, we are all human and have deep attractions and feelings. Be cautious always, but also be supportive, unless you feel that your feelings are to deep. I know your strong, but do not even anticipate rejection, because he is too vulnerable to make any decision at this time. Just be his friend in a healthy way. If you feel, you want to tell him how you feel that is your choice, but as you wrote if anything should happen, it will happen when he is ready. Sometimes, we have to take ourselves and our attractions out of the equation for the well being of another and another. It is a domino effect.

Keep searching your own soul with complete honesty, serenity, and love for yourself , as well as others, and pray and you will find the strength to do what is needed.

LOL,
Eydie


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

yea you're right...thanks Eydie...^_^


Share this post


Link to post

×