Jim_Bond Posted August 25, 2012 A coulpe were hiking in the forest when the wife exclamied, "Honey, this scenery leaves me speechless." The husband replies, "Great! We camp here." _________________________________________________ At the Netherlands border crossing, the custome agent asks a couple, "Do you have any alcohol? "No." "Do you have any weapons?" "No." "Do you have any drugs?" "No." After taking a look around, the customs agent asks, "Do you want some?" _______________________________________________________ "Doctor, it has been five minutes since you asked me to pinch my tongue between my fingers and you haven't even looked in my direction." "It is just to keep you quiet while I write out your prescription." _____________________________________________________ A woman is trying to train her dog when her husband says to her, "You will never be able to train that dog." "Why not?" she replies, " Don't you remember how much trouble I had with you at the beginning?" ___________________________________________________ A couple were arguing: "If you are so sick & tired of me, tell me why you stick around." The wife replies, "Only to have something to talk about at the office." _________________________________________________ "Hello, Police? I've just run over a chicken. What should I do?" "Well, pull out all its feathers and oven roast it at 225°C." "Ahh, OK, And what should I do with his motorbike?" _______________________________________________ A Husband asks his wife, "Honey, How many men have you slept with? The wife proudly answers, "Only with you, dear. With the others I stayed awake." ___________________________________________________ The Difference between Courage and Bravado: Courage is coming home drunk in the middle of the night and seeing your wife waiting for you with a broomstick in her hand, and asking her, "Are you still cleaning or are you going on a trip?" Bravado is coming home drunk in the middle of the night reeking of cheap perfume, with lipstick on your lips and shirt, and seeing your wife waiting for you with a brromstick in her hand, you give her a little slap on the ass, saying, "Don't get upset, you're next." _____________________________________________________ And Finally, A hard-assed motorcycle bum was tooling along on his Harley Davidson, when he spies a girl about to jump off a high bridge. He stops his cycle, and asks, "What do you think you are doing?" She replies. "I want to commit suicide." While he doesn't want to seem cold hearted, he can't pass up a good opportunity, and so he says, "Before jumping, why not give me a little kiss?" She kisses him with lots of 'energy'. After many minutes of kissing have passed, he exclaims, "WOW! That is the first time anyone has kissed me in such a way. You have quiite a talent that you are about to waste if you kill yourself. You could be a celebrity. But, tell me, why you would want to commit suicide?" "Because my parents don't want me to dress as a girl."