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The Beginning Of A New Life - Danielle's Life Story by Jason Mills - Your WRITES

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Posted

20th June 2020
Dear Diary,

I really don’t know why I brought myself to start writing in a diary because, personally, I’m not that self-aware, and usually I don’t give much thought about my life, but a new experience is always great, to me anyway. My name is Danielle Morrison and I’m eighteen years old, a young woman who loves the city. It might seem that living in the middle of Dublin town would satisfy me and give people like me many opportunities, but all that other women around my age think about is material things; such as fashion and clothes, and these are things that I'm very careless about since I’m more focused on caring for my sick Mother who is suffering from lung cancer which has affected her badly and keeps her in an awful weak state… I really wish there was something I could do, to prevent this horrible sickness from taking over her lovely nature. I wish I could take my Mother’s illness so she could remain healthy, because to know that she’s safe keeps me happy and satisfied to know that, but unfortunately the reality isn’t like that at all. Living in the middle of Dublin’s city centre in an inner flat isn’t always easy for me to cope with, financially speaking, because my Mother isn’t capable of working by herself, so I try very hard to get part-time jobs whenever I can but the payments I receive aren’t worthwhile in our circumstances at all. My father passed away when I was too young to ever understand or know what he looked like. I don’t even have any photographs or anything. I just listen to all the kinds of stories based on her memories that my Mother told me when I was a little less young than I am now, and when she was more active and fit to do things. I cried when Mother told me that Daddy died from cancer that he had too; it was prostate cancer… I always hoped that there was something the doctors could do to help when Mum was getting treatment but there was nothing they could change when the cancer spread through her body, but they did support us as much as they possibly could and I respect that, very much. I really can’t imagine a life without my Mum; I’d be lost in heart and mind completely. I don’t have a big family at all. I have no brothers or sisters, and my relations are very distant, but I wouldn’t ever want to put that sort of burden on them, to care for my Mother I mean. I was an only child growing up, and I don’t mind at all… It’s hard to think of my loneliness and longing to live a happy life of my own when I had to look after my Mother since I was fourteen years old. My memory of school life was quite well though. I was a popular girl and a good student at my grades despite it all. My teachers thought I was too smart and intelligent to be around the friends I had, but my old friends understand me because they also had their own problems to bare. Sadly after secondary school I never got the opportunity to pursue my dream to go to Art College when I got a form to apply at one of the finest Art Colleges in Ireland. I even got a notice that told me that I was accepted to join, but I never did since my Mother’s sickness began shortly after school ended. My life so far isn’t great, but with great positivity I’m quite sure that things will turn out fine? Last night, Mum told me when I tucked her into bed that she wanted to die as soon as possible, so that this pain that she’s in, would end. I turned away so she couldn’t see my tears falling down my cheeks as I cried. It breaks my heart when she speaks in this way, and she mostly does it when she consumes alcohol at the same time. Believe me, I have tried to stop her from drinking, but she feels it’s the only way she can relax and feel comfortable within herself, but for me it’s rather frightening because Mum gets argumentative and blames me for everything she does and has done, but she never makes sense in that state. It’s just something I’ve come to terms with and got used to. As long as my Mother remains alive, everything that I feel and think about doesn’t necessarily matter anymore. I can almost feel the tears returning once again right now as I write this, so I better stop before I break down crying like a stream of water, and I don’t want Mum to wake up and hear or worry about me, since that could possibly bring her a heart attack.
Goodbye for a while!
Danielle
P.S I’d just like to mention that writing down all these feelings, thoughts and experiences in the way I do about my life, makes me feel much more at ease and reassured personally on the inside. I really just want my life to drag by to be honest, so that everything in this time of my life would end!


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Posted

Fascinating - but Jason how did Danielle Morrison enter ur diary as the main character ?


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