Jump to content
Jony_Star

Finding Love - The Rainbow Lounge

Recommended Posts

Posted

well 1st i wanna say that i'm not looking for love...so don't get excited...lol...now don't get me wrong...i do acknowledge that there are many types of relationships out there...and they all start differently and what not...but when it comes down to really looking for that special someone...i think of running into him coincidentally on the street or introduced by a friend or something like that...but i prefer to meet them face to face... to me...love is like an impulse...you just know...i'm gonna share the story of how i met the one guy i've ever loved...his name was adrian...a friend of mine asked if i was gay...i was pretty much in denial but she helped me come to terms with it...so she said she knew this nice guy who was also her friend that was also gay...she thought we'd be a perfect match...luckily she got it right...but it lasted only a moment...but it was the greatest of any moment i've ever had with the 5 other boyfriends that came after him...anywho she asked me if i could give her permission to give out my number...i said sure...1st day we spoke over the fone...we were so shy...it's funny now that i think about it...his voice was sexy tho...and well he was really funny once you got past the whole shy thing...pretty much like me...shy at first but once you open me up...good luck shutting me up...haha...anywho...talked for 6 months on the fone...never saw each other...we didn't even send each other pics...and he asked me out over the fone...crazy enough...i said yes...best crazy decision i've ever made...shortly in the summer we decided to meet...and i was glad that the sexy voice belonged to a handsome guy...it's totally corny...but when our eyes met...we knew who each other was...ran up to him and gave him a hug...and he was also slick enough to steal a kiss from me too...kind of surprised me...neither of us were out...so i was like yea not in public...tho now that i think about it...it's so weird that i would accept a hug but not a kiss...lol...anywho...he lived a bit far from my neighborhood...but by the time we started the next school year...he had convinced his mom to move close to my neighborhood...and well our beautiful moments only lasted a yr & a half...and i ended our relationship...causing him so much hurt that he made sure i couldn't find him ever again...biggest mistake i ever made...but well we do stupid things when confronted with fear...anywho...i have nothing against online dating and all that...but it's just not for me...i mean if we're meant to be...we'll cross paths eventually...that's what i believe...what are you thoughts???...feel free to share...


Share this post


Link to post
Tommy_Storey
Posted

Jony,thank you for shareing your story.

Like you Jony,i also think that Fate has
alot to do with thing`s.
If you are ment to meet then you,will.
And what will be,will be.but the trick is,
grab it with both arm`s and not let go.
xxxxxxxx


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

love isnt an impulse tho,,its either instinct or a deep feeling that can sometime days or yrs...impulse sounds more of a sexual pleasure to me
ive always been sent or persuaded to go a the str8 direction..not the gay one ,,u were not sure either..oh i dont find a moment being positive as an outscome
its always taken me a couple of yrs to get over a breakup in a relationship,,,not weeks or mnths..
thanx for sharing ur story x


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

well Andrew F...i can't complain for ending that was my fault...and well aside from the outcome not being positive...it was still wonderful experience...taught me a lot...the strongest 1st experience i ever had...and yea it's sad that it ended...but i guess we just weren't meant to be..but i always keep in mind that there is someone just as good if not better...waiting out there for me...i see what you mean tho...maybe impulse wasn't the right word...but yea instinct sounds better...well since i wasn't out at the time that i broke it off with adrian...i had to keep it all inside...then out of nowhere a dream comes along...about me and adrian back together and we were even living together...which was weird...cuz this was like 6 yrs after i broke it off...but well it only makes sense...i didn't give myself the opportunity to let it all out...i had to hide and after adrian i went back to being in the closet...i'm sure i mentioned the story of how we broke up...one time his mom came early from work...btw we were about to turn 16 that year...his mom came into his room and found us making out...and his mom pretty much resembled my dad a lot...so anywho she found us and was outraged...accused me of confusing her son...then asking her son why was he doing this to her???....eventually kicked me out the and said that i was to never see her son again...next day he tells me to meet him at a park...so i went to meet him...his mom had allowed him to see me one last time...but only to tell me that we had to break it off...because he had to choose either me or his family...after seeing how his mom reacted...i told him it was ok...he didn't have to say anything...the decision was already pretty much made for us...he was so devastated...and so was i...but i didn't wanna show it...i felt like i had to be the strong person for the both of us...and also i couldn't go back home with red swollen eyes...so i kept it in as best as i could...after that...he found me on my 1st year of college...and pretty much proposed to me...he said he was ready to fight for me...he'd leave all his family just for me...i told him i couldn't face my father...he suggested i should leave them too...he has been working since we broke up and saved some money...we should move in together and that everything would be alright...that he'd take care of me...honestly...my heart said it was the most perfect fairy tale...but at the same time i was really scared...i couldn't just up and leave my family...especially my mother...leaving her would've crushed her...and to me...my mom is the most important and sacred person that i have...and i could never do such a thing...my dad's not the violent type...but i didn't wanna run the risk...i had just started seeing someone else who was also in the closet...so there was no need for me to come out...but he insisted and told me that he knew nobody would ever love me like he did...(which til today it remains to be true)...i just kept feeling like he was pressuring me...i asked him to give me space...but he insisted that there was nothing to think about...asked me to trust him...i couldn't handle the pressure and his persistence...so i had reached my limit...and pretty much exploded...knowing he would never understand the truth...(tho you think he would after going thru the whole ordeal with his mom)...so pretty much told him any lie i could think of...made him think i was truly the worst person ever...and that he meant nothing to me...even dragged my new boyfriend into it to help me convince him...it took a whole lot of effort...but it worked...i could feel his heart shattering...the look of disappointment and hurt in his eyes...i swear had it not been for Jorge (second boyfriend)...i wouldn't have been able to pull it off...and if somehow i had...i wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face on...and so adrian gave up on me...his final words were..."be careful who you give your heart to...and always keep in mind no matter who you give your heart to...i had it first...and i always will"...remembering those words after hearing them 6 years ago...i couldn't believe they could still hold that much strength over me after all that time...i poured my heart out to my friend Nyque...and she helped me get thru it...took 2 months to finally forgive myself...after also attending church group meetings...and then i realized that we just weren't meant to be...and whoever is meant for me...is waiting on me...so i should just let go and find him...after that...i always try to look on the positive side...and decided that nothing will hold me back from looking on the bright side...oh yea you might be asking why don't i just go back with him???...but he pretty much erased himself from my life...new number, e-mail...and he assured me that he was going to move far away...so i'm sure he's not in cali anymore...his mom must've tagged along...cuz she had called me...saying if anything were to happen for her son...i would be responsible and she would probably come after me...he was an only child...but anywho... i can happily assume that he hasn't done anything stupid...seeing as she hasn't contacted me ever since...and well i've asked God to take care of him for me...and help him find someone that truly deserved him so much more than i did...my friend asked me what would i do if he were to come back and run into me...would i take him back...honestly i could never face adrian...i may have forgiven myself...and even if he had forgiven me...i wouldn't go back...it's wouldn't be fair that i made both of us suffer so much...just for him to end up back with me...i know it sounds like i'm still beating myself up for it...but i just keep thinking it would be unfair to both of us...even tho is sounds even more unfair to keep rejecting him...idk only time will tell if our paths will ever cross again...i'd be lying if i said i don't want to...but i'm also scared what would happen if we do...anywho...it's made me a bit stronger and well i truly know what love feels like...and i'm sure i'll find it again someday...and maybe this time it will last a lifetime..


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

omg another whole essay...sorry guys...but i can guarantee you that it's worth reading...


Share this post


Link to post
Jim_Wilson_61132
Posted

I feel you could find love anywhere and by broadening your group of acquaintances you just might find that sole mate that hot lover that best friend you have been looking for
Jim


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

yea but just not online...i just don't feel up to it...and of course i make new friends here in cali...every so often...so i'm bound to meet up with him sooner or later...no reason to really rush...


Share this post


Link to post
Tommy_Storey
Posted

As i was saying to you before
Jony, Only with Time will tell,
And you will, lol xxxxx


Share this post


Link to post
Fadi_Alli
Posted

hi


Share this post


Link to post
Tommy_Storey
Posted

Yes it can happen at any time of your Life, lol xxxxxx


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

its happened 4 times in my life but didnt last,,my 1st love was an abuser,,i had to finish it,,still in love with him,,or infactuated with him...my next thre partners died,,two of heart atacks sudenly other of complications after surgeryn infections..i still hope il find some one,,i havnt been out with anyone in years,,its too hurtful to ,i dont wanna go n find someone else dying on me,,,we all have too..but ive chronic health probs too..ive survived 25yrs of illness,,yet others come in n die with it..shame how life goes.I wish life wasnt so cruel n yrs fly by


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

well you're still alive for a reason Andrew...hopefully you'll find out what the reason is...and hopefully things will get better for you...


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

dont start me off..jony,uve no idea what my disease is and wat the prognosis is,i do


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

ok...idk why you're getting hostile...i'm was only being nice...i don't understand why you're getting upset...


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

Hi Andrew, I know the problem you have and you know what I have just been through, Jony's not being nasty I get what he is saying to you, you have been through a hell of a lot and probably more to go, but you are still here and as he says it's for a reason, you are a good guy, so chin up mate your true love could just be around the corner xxx


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

well i'm sorry that you feel that my optimism doesn't help you...and although i'm not super religious...i like to believe that God works miracles...i don't know if you believe in God or not...but i'm not gonna get into that...anywho...i don't think it hurts trying to be positive and optimistic for somebody else...that's what i was trying to be for you...and i know people would argue that sometimes it's best to be realistic...but well...i think i rather be happy and delusional...than having to be realistic...but that's just me...


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

I believe as long as you're open to receiving love then you can find it anywhere. No matter the form it may take.
True, online dating has it's drawbacks and difficulties but it works for some people. All of my relationships to date have begun some way or another online. After several years of doing things that way I've decided to let fate take its course and when I meet her, it'll be worth the wait. My past relationships didnt work out for a reason, whether its because they weren't right for me or to teach me a lesson. Everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason is at the time.


Share this post


Link to post
Jim_Wilson_61132
Posted

Jony;
I too like to look at the positive in what ever life brings me .Also always try to be up beat things work out for the better
Jim


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

i try to be the most positive person all the time...even when times really don't look good...but i can't deny that i need someone to be there for me once in a while...but once i'm back on my feet...everything is ok again...there really is no use in complaining...because the energy we waste on that negativity could be better spent on making ourselves better...it's an easy thing to say and difficult thing to do...but nothing is really impossible...just gotta keep on going...


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

@jony,,ive had this disease since i was 17,,i was very optimisic at 1st..but as surgery after surgery failed or half wotked,its hard too lok at the bright side 24/7,,i suffered since i was child ..5yrs old..with depression n anxiety..so its not easy..im just very tired,,get lots of pain,,,i have to will myself to go out,,wen i do i come back worse of,,i do go to the gym 3 times a week,,with a persopnal trainer the nhs has given me..im not a optimistic person as i was now,,i wished thing wud change alot..but after so many years of failures with my disease,,having had to sue the surgeon twice for doing the wrong surgery..i cud write a book,heart is the thing that keps u alive,,my best frend died in 08 of same thing as i.hr had same anxities etc as me.most heart/cardiac patients go thru similar things..if idstarted off with heart disease now it wud b easier to copewith n say ive had a life...i havnt had much of one,,not loking for sympathy,empathy r owt like it,,just telling u my life history..than for thinking positive for me jony


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

yes there poss is,,tho people dont like you droning on bout it,sometimes i dont like goin on about it,,lol,,its just so fustrating,,others dont know one is coming from,,i cant keep my sprits up,,yeh everyone wil say,,look on the brightside,chin up urstill alve,,to b honest just sounds patronising,,lol..,only other cardiac patients know war one cud b goin thru,,so il end it there 4 tonight,,,,,,sorry my mate who wished me well and he knows wat im going thru,,sorree 4gotten ya name cos i cant see msg now,soz john,im not being snotty or me me me,,just wat life has thrown at me,,ive coped along time with it well,,till recent few yrs..thanx ailean


Share this post


Link to post
June_Ushikoshi_Aka_June_Asia
Posted

@andrew I feel it is Ok to sho you are a human. Post on both good days and bad days.


Share this post


Link to post

×