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Jony_Star

It's Not Just A One-Sided Story - The Rainbow Lounge

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in the gay guys group i had wrote about how we sometimes learn of the evil within our own family...betrayal mostly...and it's disappointing to know that the people who you see at parties, reunion, visits, etc are really not who they seem...in my previous discussion i had wrote that my mom's siblings have a lot of trust issues and a bit of resentment towards their family...mostly my grandmother's (which would be their mother) family...because they were all mistreated...anywho my mom had found out that one of her 2 of her cousins like to lie and make people look bad...aka spreading rumors...which was a big disappointment because my mom doesn't really have much family that she's close to...but today for the 1st time in a long time...my dad poured out his heart to my brother and I...he had made plans to go to mexico tomorrow...but his sister was sick and didn't really wanna drive in the rain...my cousin had said that whether our aunt went or not he was gonna go...then my dad calls him today and he says he can't do it cuz it wasn't fully planned out...his decision had suddenly changed because our cousin Chuy doesn't live in Tijuana anymore...so to cut it short...they both bailed on him...but my cousin hurt him the most...and i had to learn that this wasn't the 1st time my dad has been hurt...my dad can be a great man...his only major flaw is that he has a terrible temper/attitude...but in moments like these i can that beneath all of that is truly a great man...it's kind of sad that in the heat of the moment i can forget that...but well anywho...i feel really bad for him and had no idea that he carries with him such a burden with him...then again it shouldn't surprise me that i wouldn't notice...my dad and i are often at each other's throats...i lose respect for him here and then when he either makes stupid choices or when pointlessly argues about something...so you could say i'm a bit detached from my dad in a sense...don't get me wrong tho i do love him cuz he's my father...and i try to let go of all the emotional pain...it just takes time...i can only hope one day to forgive him...but back to his burden...he feels that my grandmother doesn't love him...and claims that she only has eyes for his sister Lola...and that she really doesn't love any of us...the reason that she's with us is because she's afraid of being alone and doesn't have anywhere else to go...now i personally like to believe that she does love us...he can stick with that idea if he wants to...but i truly love my grandmother...she's always been with us...and the day God takes her will be one of my most devastating days...but well we still got some years until that happens...my only favor from God is to allow her to reach 100...that's all i've asked from him aside from other personal prayers for the well being of other family and friends...anywho...so i'm confident that God will at least grant me that request...she's 87...13 years to go...i can only hope she's strong enough to make it...anywho...this aunt Lola has also hurt my dad's feelings and brought disappointment...my grandmother had a stroke in 98...at the time and to this day we're pretty much poor...hardly any extra cash to spend...anywho my aunt Lola asks my dad, "How are YOU going to pay the bill???"...my dad told her that he'll figure it out...it's sad because 3 of my grandmother's children live in the US...my dad and 2 aunts...and i have 5 aunts who live in mexico...so my aunts in mexico barely have enough for themselves...so it's understandable that they have no money to spare...but my aunt Lola didn't offer to chip in...i don't know about my aunt Susi...but well she's been on the disappointing side as well...see up to this day my dad is the only one supporting my grandmother...no one offers to pitch in...now don't get me wrong...my grandmother is not a burden on us...but my dad isn't my grandmother's only child...you would think all her children would wanna help out...i learned that even my cousin Tony made my dad feel bad...when my grandmother was working on obtaining her citizenship...my dad had to ask for help financially from other family...he had asked my 3 of my cousins to pitch in $50 each...and my cousin Tony asked my dad, "what are you gonna benefit from this???"...i'm shocked to know that he would ask something like that...again my dad had been the only one looking after my grandmother...til today i found out that he was paying a shit load of money for her medications before she finally got medicare and medi-cal...and again no one was pitching in...it's really sad for my dad...because he does so much for my grandmother but he feels that my grandmother doesn't notice him or the things he does for her...and it only opens my eyes to see how disappointing families can be...of course not everyone is bad...but again it really sucks to find out such things about your family...to learn that both sides of the family have their bad apples...almost makes you think you can't really trust anyone...my dad told us that he doesn't care about his siblings or anyone else...all he cares about are us...his wife and kids...that's all he needs and will ever need...as long as we love him...that's enough for him to keep living as happy as he can be...and well i'm beginning to think he's right as long as we have each other...we don't need nobody else...we're never that close with my dad's family...it's mainly been my mom's...but as i've said there are some dark secrets on her side too...and it's an even more disappointment because we get along so well...and to know that certain people were capable of hurting my mom and her siblings...it's unbelievable...in fact only one of my mom's aunts has ever apologized to her...and in fact is pretty much the only one i truly like...even before she apologized to my mom...and i'm glad...she usually would always ask for my mom when she visits the states...and call her on her b-day...to me she's like a seed of hope...a hope that my mother can once again open herself up to her family...to me this just comes to show that no matter how "close" you are to you're family they'll always be full of surprises...unfortunately it's often more bad than good really...i like to be the optimistic but reality likes to wake up to a cruel and disappointing truth sometimes...but in a way i guess it's better than not knowing and experiencing that shock and disappointment in person...just gotta keep your eyes open for everything i guess...expect the unexpected...i know i've written quite a bit and i congratulate you if you've made it all the way...i'll try to share more with this group...make it a bit more active...so stay tuned i might have more topics to bring up...


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Posted

SHIT!!!!...this is the longest intro i've ever done for a topic...ok whoever reads all of this will get an award...lol...


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Jodie_Hendricks
Posted

Jony,
You have a lot going on in your family sweetie, we don't know how long we have on this earth, only God knows that. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Your Aunt on the other hand is going to be in for a rude awakening, if your grandmother is called home to be with God, cause I believe that you you will pay a price for mistreating your Mother, or not being there for her when she needed to be.Everything your aunt has done that was wrong God will bring to light, I know I seen that when my Mom winged her way to Heaven and so will your aunt. You seem like a strong person dispite you & your dad not getting along, there will come a day that he will need to lean on you and, I know you will be his strength and have a shoulder for him to cry on, just keep praying for your family sweetie, where 2 or more are gathered in God's name He will be there to listen to our prayers, your, mine and anyone else in this group that wants to join in on the prayer are welcome. be strong sweetie your Dad and grandmom need you.


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Posted

i know...my parents don't really worry...and well neither do i...i believe in divine justice...so people will reap what they sow...so my family and i don't hold grudges...there's no reason to hold on to such negative energy...cuz like you say...we don't know how long we have on this earth...so as long as we have each other we'll be fine...i just hope not to find out anymore disappointing surprises for now...cuz we have enough for now...thanks for your prayers Jodie...also i appreciate you taking the time to read that long intro...again it's the longest intro i've ever written for a topic...so i don't expect everyone to read it...i know sometimes i'm too lazy to read...lol...so thanks again...


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Juanis_San
Posted

wow that is long.
and well thats la famlia
en toda familia ay deonios...
['and well thats family, in every family there demons"]
i dunno if you are familiar with the spanish folk tales?


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Posted

Hi Jony,

I did read your whole intro just now. Every word, I did almost stop once, but then I decided to keep going, I found it moving to read.

I like to hold that everyone is doing the best they can, according to their present beliefs. On some days I am better at this than others. Remembering this helps me deal with the demons or shadows I see in my family and friends and also in myself.

It helps me too to see that the demons are not really in the people, it is more beliefs and misunderstandings and twisted emotions and feelings that are causing the pain and breakdowns in communication.

I had a sense in reading all that you wrote that you are a sort of a grounding point in your family, helping to hold things together... like a place of greater stability because you can see more of he overview of what is going on. Does that make sense? Is this true?


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i think so Bruce...but as all moms i assume...she is the pillar the glue that makes the family stick together...i try to help as best as i can...and well there are times when i can be a very difficult to deal with...but as i've said...we often see these people in our family events and such...and you never know what goes on behind the scenes...and of course...my dad's not one for gossip or complaining about people...but i think he's reached his limit...and just wanted us to know what really goes on...again my dad have never really agreed on much...and most of the time we're arguing for the hell of it i guess...cuz it ends up being very stupid...my main point for arguing is so i can knock him off his pedestal really...cuz he likes to be the all-knowing person who is never wrong...but underneath that ego or whatever...is a man with a true heart...i don't often get a glimpse of that side tho...so i'm always seeing the bad things that covers up all the good...i do get that sometimes we misunderstand things and feel bad...but well somethings are crystal clear that there's no way you could misunderstand...you see...my dad claims my grandmother has favoritism towards my aunt Lola...and well you could say that my sis and i felt the same away about my father...because our brother pretty much gets away with anything...now according to him is because my brother knows when to keep his mouth shut...now i'm very honest and well when my dad starts talking non-sense...it really pisses me off...i try to get him to understand but it seams like he doesn't know how to understand or reason...as i said he claims to know it all...but in certain areas he doesn't really know anything...he sticks to his assumptions and whatnot... right now we really clash when it comes to Luna...Luna is pretty much spoiled to the point that I definitely think we need to fix...i know children will be children...but there has to be rules and she has to learn to obey those rules and any person in charge...my dad is pretty much her hero...when everyone is being "mean" to her that's the 1st person she goes to...which is a problem...and of course being daddy's little princess he can't say no...and we've had the teacher tell us not once but twice that we need to introduce her to consequences...but my parents don't wanna jump on board...and well honestly it makes me feel really irritated...because today we went down to LA to go shopping for some stuff for my cousin's sweet 15...and Luna was crazy...running around touching everything...again yes i know that kids will be kids...but they need to learn to listen to the person in charge...my dad thinks we're too hard on her...but the fact that we've been too lenient is the problem and we need to find a way to correct it...i sometimes wanna say fine you take care of her and leave me alone...but well i'm also very attached to her...and she's not an object to be just thrown back and forth...so i try to have a bit more patience...but at the same time i don't let her boss me around...anywho...I agree Juanis...every family has their demons...honestly i can't say that our emotions cloud our judgement...sometimes things are crystal clear...no matter how you put it...there's no way around it...just now we were discussing about about my mom's uncle...my dad had asked if her uncle finally accepted his son...(cuz he's gay)...i said well it's not as if he has a choice...it's not something you can deny...cuz even if he were to kick him out...he's accepting that fact that he's gay...otherwise what reason would there be for her uncle to kick out his son???...so there's no such things as denying homosexuality...because whether you like it or not...it exists...anywho...it felt great to actually discuss and debate without going crazy...maybe things will start changing between us...i can only hope that things between my dad and grandmother change too...i don't want him to keep believing that my grandmother doesn't love him...but well i can't really say anything to my grandmother...because it's not my business to be talking about anyways...but thanks for reading and giving your input guys...you guys deserve some awards too...so congrats on reading the whole thing...haha...


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Posted

I read all of this one also!

Jony, you seem to have so much passion for writing, do you ever think of being a writer or having a blog? I write a lot and a lot of the time it is for me, yet I enjoy sharing it too. I post a lot on Facebook and want to write e-books and so forth.

I am known to write very long posts, as you do sometimes, and emails, and part of why I read your stuff is that I can relate to the therapeutic aspect of getting our thoughts and feelings into print.


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well i haven't really considered being a writer...i've been known to do some poetry on here...but it's been a long time since i've been inspired to write...my creativity isn't what it used to be...i guess you could say i'm sort of stuck i guess...and as for a blog...well i'm ok discussing this with you guys...in fact it's main thing i love doing here...coming up with interesting topics, games, and sharing my experiences and opinions...it is therapeutic which is the main reason why i write so much...and well it gives a sense of who i am...i kind of feel like everyone knows me now...maybe not completely but at least well enough...as for the idea of expanding the lounge...i'm all for it...the more the better...that's a great idea Allan...


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