Jump to content
Mark_Cutler

What To Do - Gay Guys! <3

Recommended Posts

Posted

Okay so I have this guy who is kind and everything. I like him and he likes me. Trouble is he hasn't come out to anyone. He says he's too scared. Should I keep seeing him, or should I walk away. I really want our relationship to go somewhere. Please help me guys.


Share this post


Link to post
Peter_Meier_60937
Posted

well i feel the same thing ur guy is feeling.. im also in love with someone and i didnt have my coming out.. BUT if he really loves u he will have he's coming out.. believe me.. just be patient and tell him its fine.. and you will wait..


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

mark go with your gut feelings on this, what have you to lose, everything to gain, and in time you will help him get over his fears.


Share this post


Link to post
Michael_Wolfe
Posted

Mark I think Peter M said it all...Hang in there and in his time he will be able to come out...


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

it all depends on you...now i know each experience isn't always the same...but well it only took me once to not be interested in guys who aren't out yet...and that was with my 1st bf...we both weren't out...but then his mom found us making out...not the greatest way to find out that your son is gay...anywho...his mom blamed me for confusing her son and pretty much threatened me to stay away from her son...and well i really don't want that to happen again...but it could be different...maybe his family will be understanding and accepting...i mean you should encourage him to come out...but as long as you don't push him into it...and well if he chooses not to do it...well then i can only tell you that it won't work out...i mean for us who are out...it's kinda not a great feeling to go back into the closet...i mean probably can last for a while...but not for life...and well...just be patient...keep at a friendship level until he decides to come out...and if he asks for you to go with him...i think you should insist that this is something he has to do himself...cuz again the last thing you want is for his family to blame this on you...i mean if many of us did this by ourselves...then we know it's not impossible...he just has to have enough courage...so i wish you the best Mark...hope it all works out for you...


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

Sounds nice and ideal when written down, but some people may have a lot to lose... I myself don't go around throwing my sexual preference in peoples faces if they ask I tell them if they don't maybe they are just comfortable with me not confirming it ... All I can say is be patient learn his background where he comes from and that will give you insight as to why he is so scared to "come out".... I still find it sad that we have to make everyone wear a label .. when their name is the only label that should matter


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

I agree with you Luis about the label thing. The straight people us as Fags or Queers, Pansies. They have so many names for us. Why can't they just call us by our birth name and leave at that, and accept us for who we are


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

mark you dont even have to go that far, tonight at midnight, cinders changed into a nightmare, a gay lass calling me a perv, insulting the trans, and using a block button on me, well so what, no some people never will change, gays infighting each other, great, some community, and you know what she is a group owner, and i told her about the block button, and she has been absent for 3mths.
Seen it all now.
some label i got, the straights hate me, now a lesbian hates me as well, so what labels mean nothing to me, it just shows the ignorance of small minded people.


Share this post


Link to post
Jules_Parker
Posted

let the relationship develop, don't push him it not only can upset him but he could be hurt by people who are close to him.

You know love conkers all, when he loves you with all his heart he won't care or worry who knows it, he will think if they don't wont to know me so be it, as I have found my one true love and nothing else matters, you won't understand this until you have found and given your heart in true love and been truly loved in return


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

Well Jules I thought I had given my heart, my soul to this young man. If he's going to give in to peer pressure and stay in the closet and pretend he's straight, then maybe I should move on.


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

Allen you are correct my friend. There are gays hating gays for stupid reasons and pinning labels on them. We should all be a happy family, the LGBT and fight against straight people who want to put us down


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

Well mark isn't it peer pressure as well to tell someone to come out of the closet.... It's basically an indirect ultimatum .. come out of the closet or im gone is what it translates to... And I feel strongly about this because ive been trough this myself .. this guy I really liked wanted me to yell and anounce that I was coming out.. I didn't feel comfortable or ready to do so at that point in my life and he said he would move on if I didn't ... I held his hand,kissed him ,hugged him .. in public so its not like I was hiding him or ashamed... But It got to the point where I got fed up and said .... Ok, bye... I really like you but I refuse to be pressured, or emotionally manipulated ..and if you are willing to give up on me for such an insignificant thing ...I'm sorry but what we have isn't worth giving up my family .. now at this point in my life I tell whoever wants to know if they ask ... Some I lost some are closer than ever .. but I've done it at my own pace.. I know I may come across as cold and selfish to which I respond no I'm just not passive


That was my experience hopefully gives you some insight .... And look you obviously care for this guy ..otherwise you wouldn't be posting here so I deep respect for you and he is lucky to have someone that cares so much ... So my advice to you is ... Don't push .. because if you do it hard enough he might just keep walking in the opposite direction ... Ask yourself do I see myself with him 5yrs... 10yrs ... From now am I in it for the long haul, because take into consideration your asking him to change his entire life for you.. so let him know you are in it for the longrun and he will most likely surprise you


Please don't take offense to anything I've said I just wanted to share with you my experience




Share this post


Link to post
Jules_Parker
Posted

this is from your first opening statement... he likes me. Trouble is he hasn't come out to anyone. He says he's too scared, you can't blame him, as I said until he loses his heart to you - like you is not enough for some,

I know just what it's like... I have been gay all my life but because of peer pressure and thinking my earlier gay life style was a phase you go through I got married and had 3 kids, I also found myself having affairs with guys, when in my fifties a guy I was seeing black mailed me saying he would tell everyone, I was so upset with worry, it would turn my whole life upside down and lose the love of all I held dear to me... but in the end the worry took me to tell my loved ones, I thought better coming from me than from someone else... I was lucky every one excepted it and kinder knew even the wife, my daughters asked was Freddy your lover ( the family thought a guy who I saw as a friend who had died some year earlier) I said yes and she smiled and said I liked him... but it could have been oh so different I could have lost the love of all I knew... no one can ever blackmail me again over my sexual orientation


Share this post


Link to post
Jules_Parker
Posted

so for some it's not a step they can take until the reason for doing so is over whelming and love is the best thing for that


Share this post


Link to post
Tommy_Storey
Posted

Yes i think that when he is ready to come out all loud and proud,then he will
do his way,and in his own time.
I think that the main thing is,to stay friend`s, with him,but at the same time
give him as much Love and Surpport as you can,until at such time,he feel`s
safe anough with in his self to Come out. lol


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

well Luis no one here has told Mark he should pressure the boy into coming out...i do understand that there are families that are less tolerant and understanding...after my bf and i got caught making out...his mom told him he got two choices...it was either me or his family...of course as much as he wanted to choose me...i pushed him to choose his family...after the experience with his mom...i was scared to even bring it up to my family...later on my 1st year of college he found me...and told me he had left his family and wanted us to be together...he said he'd do anything for us to make it through...i wasn't ready to come out...just the thought of being rejected by my parents was too much for me...he kept insisting...and i was scared for the both of us...so i pushed him away even more...to the point that i wanted him to forget about me and never come back...so i broke his heart...anyways...i so got distracted from the point...point is i know the fear of coming out...we all do...and this is not something we do because we're being pushed into it...it's because we want to...my advice is for him to wait until he decides to come out...and if when he does...it would be best if he handled it on his own and not bring Mark along...so until that happens maybe the best is to remain friends...


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

Thanks guys for being so understanding about my situation here. I won't push him, but I will keep telling him and showing him how much he means to me and how much I love him, Luis, as you pointed out and it's true. Jony I almost had the same experience with the guy I'm dating as you had with your guy, we were almost caught by his parents. Whew, I'm glad that didn't happen. I say that because I think it is his straight dad who is pressuring my bf to be like him.


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

@jony I was simply talking about what mark said 6 comments up from your post


Share this post


Link to post
Posted

well i can only hope my story doesn't repeat itself...although i have to say i was 15 when this happened...and well you're both adults now...and maybe things will go differently...but i wouldn't count on luck...this time you weren't caught...but next time might not be so lucky...again being caught making out...isn't and won't be the best experience...and isn't the best way for his parents to find out that he's gay...so i would hold off any type of affection at his house...at least until he comes out and if his family accepts him for who he is...otherwise this could turn out to be a disaster for the guy...something he might no be ready to face...i'm usually very optimistic about things...and well i do hope things work for you...but i can't help thinking that you should also be careful of where this might go...


Share this post


Link to post

×