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Jony_Star

The Thin Line Between Love And Hate...And Negativity... - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

ok well today started off bad...cuz i was super lazy to get up today...it also doesn't help staying up til 2am watching netflix...but well what can i say???...and well after a while...out of nowhere i start feeling really energetic and start doing things around the house...luna has been acting up and giving attitude lately...so my mom and i are trying to work on discipline...the only one that's not on the same page is my dad..,he's always spoiling her and making things worse...honestly when my mom, luna, and i were in oregon we didn't have much trouble getting her to listen to us...because my dad wasn't there...but we're back in cali...and her pre-k teacher has told us that they're running into disciplinary problems and attitude...i have to admit it's everyone's fault here at home for not really establishing discipline here at home...and as i mentioned before my mom and I are trying to make changes but with my dad around...it makes it harder for us...now aside from that...many of you know that i have issues with my father...and i truly want to forgive him for his past mistakes...because nobody is perfect...but you see it doesn't help me to forgive if these bad habits of his keep popping up...which is never listening to what I have to say...giving me attitude...and annoying the hell out of me...and it really sucks to love someone and i can't say hate...but i'm just usually angry with everything he does and say...we both have short tempers and can really go at it if we get to our limit...but i think the one thing i've always wanted was to get along with my father...just like he and my brother get along...but overtime i've had to admit that we don't really have anything in common...i'm a gamer...and well he used to like playing video games...but now he only thinks they're a waste of time...we don't have the same taste in music...he loves sports and i don't...when we have our talks...it feels good to communicate with him and i get to see that side that i usually don't...but every time he makes me angry...i just don't see that person...i only see him as the asshole he's being and that he's definitely overreacting...and i lose sight of everything...i used to like when all of us were together as a family...we used to have family game time...but my dad had to ruin it with his short temper...and well after that we've been pretty distant...him and I have never been close...and i'd like for us to be close one day...he and his mom don't get along that well either...and they can't have a discussion without it ending as an argument...he says he can't help it...that it's inevitable...and that's how i feel about the relationship between us...but i don't want to accept it...there have been times that made me think that if it wasn't for our physical resemblance...i could swear that i wasn't his biological son...because i've always had the idea that all fathers and sons got along perfectly...and i can't say he's all bad...of course he's been patient and understanding at times...he no longer gets on my case about getting a job and stuff...even tho i know that i shouldn't quit looking...and i'm always on the lookout online to see what pops up...and always check a place when a friend mentions a job opening...and well lately i've been working on my crystal bracelets again...so it's beginning to pick up...but well i'm not all that excited cuz that's how i felt when i just started and then felt bad that my mom and sis invested their money into helping me start and keep going only to end in failure...so i'm trying not to have such high expectations...and well it also sucks that negativity has such a hold on people...i wish we were good at remembering the good times rather than the bad ones...i haven't really thought of it...but maybe i have anger issues when it comes to my dad...i mean he always tells me that i have a body of an adult...but a mind of child...and i still haven't learned to grow up and take responsibility for myself...i guess you could say that i try to have a fun positive mentality...even when i had my job...and a horrible boss...i always tried to make it fun and have a smile...of course i had my bad days...but well who doesn't???...but towards the end...my boss was just getting on my nerves...here i am having fun working trying to stay positive...and he always had something to say...especially on payday...that cheap bastard was paying me the minimum which when i started...i was getting paid $6.50/hour...by the way this was like 6 years ago...and i couldn't even be there for a whole year...but i ended up getting paid $7.25/hour...but anywho he always claimed that there was money missing from the register...claims that i was probably giving customers too much change...so he'd take it out of my pay...at 1st he started with $10...then worked his way up...claimed that it was me and not anyone else...i asked the other guy who then came along and started working there if he takes away money from him...and he said yea...i know it was a stupid choice...but we didn't do anything about it...though we should've reported him...but then i thought we would also get in trouble...cuz he paid us in cash...and i know you all no what that means...anywho...so that's why i quit...cuz he was a cheap bastard who basically wanted me to work for free...and my stupid ass basically allowed it to go on...anywho i'm rambling about random things...lol...but that's how i've always been...i'll start talking about something...and it somehow goes into another direction that had nothing to do with what i started talking about...i'm so funny sometimes...lol...


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Posted

DAMN!!!!!!!!!...i wrote a whole essay...i could only imagine how long it would be to describe my entire life...or what i remember of it anyway...lol...


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Xavier_Alamo
Posted

WOW....


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Posted

don't be shy Xavier...you can say it cuz i said it too...DAMN!!!!!!...lol...this is what happens when i keep things to myself...i usually vent it all out and it turns out to be an essay...lol...


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Posted

I've never really gotten along with my father and well I just started seeing him as any other person... The thing that hurt the most was when I was 14 I still remember it was 10:14 pm we were arguing about them wanting to move to Mexico .. and taking me out of school.... it wasnt a serious or heated argument or atleast I thought ...but he and everything he stood for died the moment he said he was ashamed of calling me his son mind you I was 14 and i can still explain to you how I felt .... You know how your heart sinks into your chest when your riding a ride at an amusement park .. I sat there looking at him as this feeling consumed me .... I walked away locked myself in my room and cried myself to sleep that night and arose numb the next morning ... I show him respect for being my father but I don't feel love or anything towards him anymore .... It's a sad thing to say but its the truth sometimes its for the better ..


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Xavier_Alamo
Posted

DAAAMMMMNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there i said it...LOL


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Xavier_Alamo
Posted

My father is just another member of this world.....i disowned him 20 plus years ago......and i have never really needed him thanks to my mother...


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Xavier_Alamo
Posted

he was just a sperm donar


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Posted

well i guess i'll consider myself lucky that my dad hasn't said that he's ashamed of me...but well in the heat of the moment he has said other hurtful things...and i swear i just get empty...and sometimes i need to get out the house cuz the negative energy just suffocating and i have to leave...which makes my mom worry a lot...but i just can't stand being in the house...


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Posted

It's tiresome and weighs heavily on you I know what you mean Ive been on my own since 17 ... It's so relaxing a liberating to just be without havinf anyone trying to ... Llenarte el buche de piedritas XD


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Tommy_Storey
Posted

Hi,Jony,
Can i ask you, how old is Luna,please, ???


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Posted

she's 3...yea i'm with you on that Luis...i think that i'll only achieve total freedom and peace when i move out...but i don't see that happening anytime soon...cuz my attachment to Luna is too much...apparently enough to stay and put up with my dad...i'm just waiting for her to grow up a bit more so i can move on...


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Tommy_Storey
Posted

Yes,Jony,
I agree,the only way for you to get a Peace of mind and to become a friend ( in time ) to your Dad, is for you to get you own place, but alas,your Bond with Luna is too strong at the moment. So Jony,be Brave if you can.
but above all,try and keep your Cool with your Dad. ( I won`t last for ever )
lol. Tommy.xx


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Posted

yea...i could only hold on and do my best to keep my cool...


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Homer_Bozarth
Posted

Jony, you will always have a place in my home if you need it sexy Baboo


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Homer_Bozarth
Posted

your welcome sexy Baboo


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