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Chud

Fear of relationships - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

Hey guys.
I've had a problem today.
I've been dating a guy for a while now and things started getting serious between us last week, relationships talk started going on and... I got scared.
I got so scared that I couldn't go through with the dating, I asked him if we could step back for a few days so I can get use to it having someone else in my life, and being the amazing guy he is he said 'You can take as much time as you want, I know how difficult it is for you to get into a new relationship after so many bad relationships one after the other, just remember I will wait a million years for you'
I feel kinda bad for getting his hopes up that a relationship could happen soon and then asking for us to tone down a bit :/
I'm really scared of things going wrong again and having me suffer more heartache, I dunno if I can go through it again, since my previous relationship caused my mind to go crazy and put my mental health at risk of a meltdown!
I've become so comfortable being in a relationship that I guess I've forgotten what it's like to find someone new.
I know if we start a relationship and IF we break up then he'll turn into a distant memory of a friend that once was, they all say 'I'll never hurt you' but they all DO!
I'm scared of losing a friend again, but the thing is I like him a lot and he likes me, I'm happy being single, but I feel as if I maybe even more happy in a relationship, or is my fear telling me I'm not ready for a relationship?


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Homer_Bozarth
Posted

okay first, he is a keeper. what are you scared of babe? if he hurts you in any way, tell me and i will come to see you and deal with him


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Heebie999
Posted

Have you discussed this with HIM Richard? He's definitely the one person it's most important to discuss this with.

I know all about getting hurt in relationships.. and I encourage you strongly to try & get over it. At your age, you shouldn't honestly expect to end up in a relationship that lasts a lifetime. If it turns out you do, then that's fantastic... but if it's what you expect & it doesn't last, then you get hurt.

If you take your relationship a little bit at a time.. a day, a week.. and not try & suddenly be like a married couple, you'll probably both fare a lot better.


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Posted

richard, on here we will all give you moral support, but this is your decision and your life, if you dont take this oppertunity, you will feel bad for it , and may not recover from it.
So richard go out with him and have some fun, and relax, and keep your hands under control, just act and look normal, and dont get upset, because we both know thats bad for you.
Good Luck..............


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Tommy_Storey
Posted

Hi,Richard,
Just reading inbetween the Lines,of what you are saying, I would say that
you are not ready for another full blown relationship yet. You just need some
more time to get over your last relationship. This new guy in your life seem`s to be o.k. and i think that he will understand,and will wait for you to be ready again.
lol. Tonny,xxx


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David_Cloud
Posted

Richard, I think you did the right thing by asking him to 'step back a few days'.. This demonstrated two really valuable things . (1) he saw that you were thoughtful, honest, self aware and put the future of the relationship above the present moment and (2) he showed you that he really cared for you and wanted the relationship to have a future. Rich, I would call that WIN-WIN !

Maybe tell him next that you would really like to enjoy a friendship first and see how it develops. Sounds like he might be the sort of guy who would respect and hopefully agree that as a good way forward. I have so often tried to tell myself and said to good friends 'go easy on the Love button'. I know it's hard to do but I'm sure it's often the best for the relationship even though it may seem like the harder route. Remember - friendship is a relationship too ! David


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Posted

Chud,, first ignore those who make stupid comments like "If he hurts you I'll sort him out" You did the right thing to ask him to slow down a bit, and he must be pretty amazing to say what he did back. You had a lot of pain (and I know you still worried about how well U R.

However, don't always run when it come to making a commitment please!!!!!!! I have done that so many time I can't seem to make any commitment to anybody now, and it sucks.

Look u not going to MARRY him right off are U? Go out, have good evenings and get to know him slowly till you really know how you feel and how he feels both about you and towards you.

I can rush off an essay in 15 minutes, but my best ones take a lot of time to write, have to be re-visited and re-tuned, and maybe parts re-done, before they are really good. DO the same with your relationship.

Please don't just cut him off, that would be cruel and U R not a cruel person. I hope it works for you this time and he turns out to be the one for your life, and you know what that means to me to say it, so please just take it slowly but give it a try mate.


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Posted

ok this is how i see it...it was good that you asked him to slow down...becuz 1st if you haven't gotten over the pain of the past...deal with it...don't let it hold you back...and once you leave it behind...keep it where it belongs...because it has no place in your future...if you're gonna give this guy a chance...the fear has to stop...he's not like the other guys...everyone is different and they all deserve the chance to prove themselves...if you're going to hold on to things from your past...hold on to the lessons you've learned from your mistakes...but don't let it reach the point where you're scared of moving forward...or else any relationship you even try will eventually fail...and most importantly stop thinking negative...i've been in a situation where i was flirting with a friend but i didn't wanna risk our friendship...both of us never held on to our ex-bf as friends...so i made a decision to back off as result of that fear of our relationship possibly not working out...i say leave the past, live the present, and look towards the future...and whatever the future has in store for you...face it with your strength and determination...we can only hope this guy treats you right and it lasts....but if it doesn't...well it wasn't meant to be...and there is always someone better who is waiting for you...also leave behind your expectations, but at the same time learn to expect the unexpected...i know that doesn't really make sense...but i hope you get the meaning...but just take it slow...and go with the flow...you don't have to jump into a relationship...it'll just happen by itself...and don't worry about it so much...as Dean says...it's not like you're getting married...so i hope this helped you out a bit...and if not...well don't worry about it...just do your thing...i'm sure you know what to do...just trust yourself and always listen to your instincts...


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