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Feeling real sad - The Gay Christian Network

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Posted

I found out last night my best friend Renee died in 2009. That was the last time I talked to her. Her daughter was suppose to let me know if anything happened to her.

I am happy she is not suffering anymore. I know I will see her again and I know she is up there cheering me on, hanging out with Mom.

I Just don't like the feeling of loss.

:''('''


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Travis_Mamone
Posted

I'm so sorry to hear that, Debbie. You are in my prayers.


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Posted

The measure of your love for any one person, will be equally followed by the pain of their parting. As painful as it is and may be, it is proof positive, of the testament of your love, and the strength of the joining of your hearts.
In today's society, many people avoid "love" at all costs, because they say it is a "weakness" or that it weakens your senses and perceptions and make you vulnerable. This is where the saying comes from that; "Love is Blind".
Actually, I believe that love allows us to see what others do not.
LOL! I often wonder how people can love a pug dog. They call them cute, and I am almost sure they might not feel the same way, if a human, had the same face. In any case, I digress. It is love that gives us the strength to live life and find the courage to open ourselves to others to share who we are, our wishes, our hopes and dreams. It is the absence of that beloved person either in life, (separated by miles or other circumstances) or their passing, that measures, the love that we imparted and the sharing of souls and hearts. So understand that "loss" is a testament and measure how much we really did really love that person. St Paul writes: "There are three things that last: faith, hope and love, and the greatest of these is love.-- I Corinthians 13:13". Ummmmm? maybe this is where people think that 13 is a bad luck sign. . "A true friend is one soul in two bodies".
Aristotle
In the Song Alfie;
What's it all about, Alfie?
Is it just for the moment we live?
What's it all about when you sort it out, Alfie?
Are we meant to take more than we give
Or are we meant to be kind?
And if only fools are kind, Alfie,
Then I guess it's wise to be cruel.
And if life belongs only to the strong, Alfie,
What will you lend on an old golden rule?
As sure as I believe there's a heaven above, Alfie,
I know there's something much more,
Something even non-believers can believe in.
I believe in love, Alfie.
Without true love we just exist, Alfie.
Until you find the love you've missed you're nothing, Alfie.
When you walk let your heart lead the way
And you'll find love any day, Alfie, Alfie
would you tell me what's it all about?
what's it all about? Alfie, Alfie, Alfie.
What's it all about? Whats this all about?
what's it all about Alfie? tell me
what's it all about Alfie? what's it all about Alfie?
just tell me yeah. what's it all about?
what's it all about?
Lovely song, and one that resonates the truth of love as does this quote from one of my favorite books: "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” You are in my prayers but take comfort that you had the courage to love and love completely.
My Love and prayers, wishing you peace, which comes in contemplation and prayer.
Your brother in Christ: Anthony of Portsmouth+++++++++++++++++++
and of course a song from youtube for you. Prayer, song and laughter are good medicines for the heart and spirit.
Perhaps Love (John Denver)
http://youtu.be/E8qwZUT4Poo

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Posted

@ timm and travis: such kind gentle-men you are! I believe so much in prayer and would like to Thank You!

@ andre: as I read what you wrote, I cried, laughed thru tears and then sobbed. It was explained so beautifully, as if you had seen that once in a lifetime friendship we had. She was not a lesbian, she was just my best friend and true soul mate. Never an arguement, or the raising of voices (except in fun, and an occasional smack upside my head) always respect, passionately sharing opinions, sharing illnesses, losses, victories emtional distresses, others attempt to end what we had and yet never suceeding. Each conversation could have been our last, our promises to meet on the other side, each trying not to sob, but each knowing tears were falling on the other end of the line, "in case this is our last fairwell........" (click)

(Sobbing winds down to the thought of when will we talk again)

One of my good old boy doctors once told me not to be afraid to shed tears, because they measure the depth of our love. I really know that to be true for me.

May god Bless you all.


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Posted

Oh yes, I think my Uncle comes very close to looking pug-like or perhaps a bit bulldogish lol


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Posted

Good afternoon Debbie,
Am so sorry to read youre post.
Thinking of you at this very sad time sending you much love and hugs.
Love and Prayers Ian xxxx


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Michael_Wolfe
Posted

Hi Deb sorry to hear that about your friend and you know that you are always in our prayers...If you need to talk you know how to get in touch with me...


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Posted

How very blessed I am to have all you wonderful gentle men of God in my life. I have so missed you, your spport through prayer and amazing words of encouragement. You folks here at gays.com are SO the best!

(And God was supposed to be capitilized!!)

@andre: thank you for the cheat sheet to get to the movie and links to the others. I'm don't know much about those types of thing, yet! I am blessed over and over reading your words because I allow myself to grieve thru those words and then rejoice because my losses this month show me several truths about our Lord and the fulfillment He promised.

@ian: Thank you for your love and tenderness. Your prayers are most welcome!

@mike: bro, I think you know what I'm going to say right! Even as I type, the tears are falling. Because you know me so well, there would be no words coming thru the phone, just the sound of a silently weeping gal. Believe me when I say it's a major comfort knowing you are there. I love you and please let Donnie know his talks with T are probably the only thing keeping her going


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Posted

Big hugs xxx


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Timothy_Brown
Posted

I am sorry to hear that you found out about this so late. You are right, she is cheering you on with your mom!


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Michael_Wolfe
Posted

Deb we are here for the both of you...Just pick up the phone and call anytime and tell T the same thing...


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Posted

wow,, this is touching!!! im still teared up,, guys keep up the good! im here for uall tooo,, for what its worth,,,


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Posted

I have a question, what are the rules in a hopefully temporary seperation situation? Hmmm TSS, that also stands for toxic shock sydrome. Do those to seem related to anyone besides me?

Seriously tho, do I do what I want in the house as far as setting it up the way I want. I feel (pardon the language) damned if I do anything and damned if I don't. I am actually paralyzed by the one I love fitting in and making every attempt to survive. Why can't I? Why do I or should I feel so guilty? I need to move on in my life to survive, right?


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Posted

I think that there comes a time, when all the prayers, love and support can only go so far. After all we are not professionals (Even though I was a nursing assistant, I would dare go beyond that which I was trained for). That being said, I think you should seek professional help, understand that not all professionals are good or even great in their field, so make sure you get a second opinion, and seek a professional, who is empathic and caring, and not just one there for the job, money and prestige, who could care less about their patient. I do not think that (Just my opinion, so guys and gals don't go all ballistic on me for expressing my concerns and views, which is no way saying that this isn't a great group) there's only so much,people can do for you. we pray, write and if I understand it right you even have some members phones numbers because they care and are there for you. After a while, if depression doesn't dissipate, it could be the result of clinical depression, which is a condition, that you shouldn't ignore nor be afraid of to ask professionals for help and seek their guidance, and wisdom in these matters. Yes I advocate, contemplation and prayer, but at the same time you need to see someone or join a Grief or grieving group, which may be beneficial to you. Meeting people going through the same thing can be a great comfort and may by itself be enough. However, if you have trouble sleeping and dealing with life on a daily basis, get help. No disrespect to this group, but I wouldn't ask people I really don't know, however good, loving supportive they may be for advice, which maybe is better left in a professional hands who can monitor you and if necessary, prescribe the necessary drugs at least for a while or at the beginning to get you back to where you wish to be. I can share with you, that I have grieved a whole lifetime, for the loss of someone I loved. Whether they left me or passed on, (Actually I have NO problems with people passing on, because it is a part of life, and my faith is great. However someone dumping me is quite something else, even worse, if all they wanted from me was sex, and I thought it was more. You feel as though the devil has ripped out your heart, put it on a skewer and is roasting over the flames of hell, and this pain can go on for years. Sometimes it's no ones fault at all, life happens and we must deal with it the best we can. If you have a GLBTQ center near you or a gay church please seek guidance there. As much as we love you, there is (In my humble opinion) no replacement for one on one face time. I am not criticizing this group, or site so much as putting your needs first, and giving you the best advice. I can. I know to a degree what I am talking about because I suffer chronic depression, and have been diagnosed as being bi-polar, (Maybe that's a great reason not to listen to me!) but on the scale of been there, done that, I may know more then most that sometimes, the time may come, to seek professional help, and there is no shame in that. The shame is the lost we all suffer when people do not get the help they need, and then we all lose. I would point out the number of movie stars and entertainers that we have lost because of their arrogance, not to mention the greed of their Doctors who (In my opinion) were no better then license drug dealers. It is up to a doctor to decide what if any psychotropic drugs a person may or may not need, NOT the patient. This is one of the reason that New Zealand among other countries ban the use of drug commercials, which at time may be informative, on the other hand, it mostly brainwashes patients in demanding, drugs for what they think they have (To the drug companies delight!) instead of letting healthcare professionals from their training and expertize decide.
You Know Debbie, what I find really sad, that many religious orders will not admit anyone now, with out a psych. evaluation! So much for hearing voices (St Joan of Arc or seeing visions, which many saints have seen, Saint Catherine Labouré, St John the Apostle, St Paul, St Bernadette or for that matter Mary the Mother of Our Lord and her husband Joseph. So I hope you see what I am getting at. No one knows you better then you. (and God) LOL! Heck many people believe that believing in God or having faith is a illness in itself! So what then? Beyond prayers, doing good deeds for those in need, feeding the poor, volunteering at a nursing home, can and does get your mind off of yourself, because you can see so many people who suffer, more then you, and if that doesn't work, then lift up your heart to God in thanks for what you do have! Many place around the world do not have clean water, there is a child that dies every 5 seconds for lack of food, water and disease. So many people are without proper housing. What I am trying to do is to ask you to lift up your heart to God for the things you have, and trust in Him to provide the rest.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Matthew 6:25-34

New International Version (NIV)
Do Not Worry
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Your humbled brother in Christ: Anthony of Portsmouth++++++++++I commend you into our Father keeping.


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Posted

Dearest Andre: you are 100% correct. I am also a survivor of PTSD, live with bi-polar and my bad months are early sping till July. I know what has happened will greatly complicate this next depressive season considerably. Right now my only vehicle is a bicycle. Having had spinal surgery and becoming out of shape the year I. Seeing as how I could do very little including walking up hills has me tense and leary seeing as how I live 1 &1/2 miles up hill from town. Going down is no issue, just point the bike and zippo. It's the pushing a bike uphill with a full backpack while balancing a package from the post on the handlebars that makes me a tad nervous because that will be tough but I did it before. I will do it again. There is only one place that I. Could volunteer at and they have all the help they can use and the soup kitchen here on Mondays is pretty particular on who helps. I can go to my doc amd let him know what's going on, he's a great guy and the only therapist is on maternity leave. I have four acres and lots to burn but need my burn permit (next check). Working outdoors is a great love of mine and with 2 dogs time away needs to be limited. I'm not shooting you down Andre or making excuses. I'm actually kind of excited to see how the Lord will bring me through this. Yes there is pain, depression, lack of appetite, it's not really fun to cook anymore and tonight no sleep. I do know the warning signs for me and know when to get help. So thank you for your concern, advice and prayers. God bless you!


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If you are brave enough and hold your ground you can do miracles, not matter how much danger there is.
I loved San Francisco, but the hills were killers and that was when I was way younger in 1982!
A youtube video that may make you laugh for laughter is the enemy of depression and pain.
Here ya go!
http://youtu.be/DNeaZz9Vt6Q

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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Posted

I wish I was always 100% right, but even Mr Spock has his off days. I recently discovered something that might be of assistance to you and others. It is a rare phenomenon, but maybe not that rare, it's just that people are unaware of it. "(HSP). This is a condition, discovered and written about by Dr. Elaine Aron, that affects about 15-20% of people, though many highly sensitive persons do not know they have this condition. The condition of high sensitivity is an innate trait of being highly sensitive to stimuli, such as loud noise, bright lights, coarse fabrics, caffeine, crowds, other people's moods, and having a lot of things to do at once. There are many positive aspects of this condition, including having a rich, complex inner life, being able to appreciate the arts and music deeply, being aware of subtleties in one's environment, and being able empathize with and connect deeply with others. I created this group because I crave connection with other intelligent gay men who are highly sensitive. The purpose of this group is to provide a social haven for gay men who qualify as highly sensitive persons (HSP's) to find connections with each other. I just started this group and am still figuring out what exactly I want it to be like. It will for certain involve social situations for highly sensitive gay men to connect - and it may involve led discussions around themes having to do with the HSP condition, such as how to live as a highly sensitive person in a less sensitive world, and related issues, such as listening skills, emotional validation, and coping with feeling different. Are you an intelligent gay man who qualifies as a highly sensitive person (HSP)? Here is a self-test for high sensitivity - taken from the website (www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm) of Dr. Elaine Aron: I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input. I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment. Other people's moods affect me. I tend to be very sensitive to pain. I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days, into bed or into a darkened room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation. I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine. I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens close by. I have a rich, complex inner life. I am made uncomfortable by loud noises. I am deeply moved by the arts or music. My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself. I am conscientious. I startle easily. I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time. When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment I tend to know what needs to be done to make it more comfortable (like changing the lighting or the seating). I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once. I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things. I make a point to avoid violent movies or TV shows. I become unpleasantly aroused when a lot is going on around me. Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me, disrupting my concentration or mood. Changes in my life shake me up. I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, works of art. I find it unpleasant to have a lot going on at once. I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations. I am bothered by intense stimuli, like loud noises or chaotic scenes. When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise. When I was a child, my parents or teachers seemed to see me as sensitive or shy. If many of the above conditions are true of you, you may be a highly sensitive person. Some people have a wonderful "eureka" moment when they discover that there's an actual condition that captures all the respects in which they have felt sensitive and perhaps different, all their lives. I welcome you to join my group and look forward to meeting you." I copied the above from a new site called "Meetup", and while I do not wish anyone to leave this group, this other group might be able to assist people who have H.S.P. I hope! Not trying to overwhelm, just trying to be of service. http://earon.meetup.com/cities/us/90069/ or
http://www.hsperson.com/

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Posted

Debbie, I may have found a solution for your uphill bike battle, after all this is that year 2012!
I hope this may help you.
http://www.ridekick.com/?n=15&fb
I love bike riding, it is good therapy.

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Posted

It does get better the official video at youtube:

http://youtu.be/4EUifVn-TC4

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With the many prayers and the strength of the Lord, I made it back up the hill and even though a tiny bit stiff and sore. I did it! I have to admit that I forgot a heart could pound so hard without bursting and my lungs seered. That Christmas song "put one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walking cross the floor" kept going through my head. Thanks to all you wonderful folks that are my brothers and sisters in Christ.

@andre saw the funny video, laughed and headed out the door. (Can you tell me how you put a link to a youtube link up?)
Also saw the motor that pushes a bike, i'd consider one if I could afford it, but I think of all this physical activity as a boot camp type training for what will be coming for summer.

One question about HSP. Ok maybe more then one. First, these symptoms seem also familiar with folks who had major PTSD from childhood and are exceptionally similar to a manic episode or a very depressive episode in those who have bi-polar disorder. How does she seperate those with HSP or do they overlap?

Next trip down the hill is Tues.

God Bless you all!


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Posted

Debbie,
I will try to respond to all your questions:
1)http://youtu.be/YWyCCJ6B2WE ;P
Go to http://www.youtube.com/
then find something you would like to share with others
when you get to the page i.e.:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9XKur4iLV8&feature=g-vrec&context=G274c4adRVAAAAAAAAAw
Ok under neath the video you will see some options like
a thumbs up and a thumbs down icons then add to then the SHARE button,
Click on the Share button then in the box below, you shall see a code, take your cursor and highlight itwith the left button of you mouse, then right click and you will see a pop up menu that says or gives you Options, like CUT COPY Paste Delete Select all but the Two options that we shall be working with are "COPY" with the right click of your mouse then go to wherever you want to place it, i.e., a email, or here, then place your mouse cursor then Paste, and the link should should place itself there.
About HSP, you would have to go to the site, and check or buy a e book or e-mail the Doctor. It is my suspicion that many people are misdiagnosed, because this is somewhat a rather new discovery. so I hope that helps. and let me know if my instructions worked-k? or HOW to copy and paste a link here: http://youtu.be/bZsSYM4bHIA which is different then my instructions. Gook luck Andre:

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