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Tonia_Docter

Trying To Heal - The Gay Christian Network

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Tonia_Docter
Posted

I'm in need of prayer support. I'm working hard at healing from past wounds and traumas. I've forgiven and forgotten nearly everything except right now I feel like I'm fighting too hard just to breathe. Every three months I have to go in for cancer rechecks because of a personal assault and I want so desperately to be a survivor, not the victim that I was when the assault took place. This person still has control over me even though I've forgiven them because I don't have room in my life for the negativity and every time I go in for a recheck and am laying on the table I have flashbacks as to why I'm there.

I have another recheck in a couple of weeks, I'm in so much pain from the last course of treatment that nearly killed me that it hurts to blink. The surgery that I need to prevent any future spread is being called elective...I say cancer 5 times in 3 1/2 years doesn't sound like something to play with.

I try to keep myself busy supporting others both on social networking sites like this and in real life and I love to give, sometimes I need to receive just a little...a smile, a hug or a genuine asking of how I'm doing. I HAVE to keep pushing through the pain or Satan will keep ramming these old tapes of how worthless I am into my mind.

I know one day free of the pain and mental torture is a lot to ask for at this point or for the cancer to advance a stage so I can have the surgery...just one good hour would be a relief enough...even to be able to walk past the mirror without flashbacks.

I don't need to know what God's plans are for me or why He thinks I'm strong enough to keep enduring more and more...I just need some prayer support please.

Blessings to you in your daily walks!


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Tomboy_Tunney
Posted

i will pray fore you xx


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Michael_Wolfe
Posted

you are always in our prayers...


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Posted

I'm with Michael and Tunney, yes, you have our prayers & supports, Tonia!


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Tonia_Docter
Posted

Thank you all so much! It truly means a lot to me!


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Posted

I will pray for you lots of love and hugs Ian xxx


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