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Just for a change be brutally honest - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

I need to know what you think please. Be brutally honest this time, I won't get upset but I might only reply with a "Thanks" I found a guy I really like but he is not up for any relationships or anything so that a no starter. I then found another guy I liked, 23, and we chatted a lot to get to know each other. I thought it was ok and I told him I had been with a few much older guys. He then backed off, said he thought that was gross, and called me "Damaged Goods"

I admit I have had a bit of casual sex with guys a lot older than me, not loads, but some. Did he describe me right? Am I damaged goods? If that is how people see me than maybe I shouldn't be so honest and upfront when I chat to guys I like, maybe I should hide my past.

Please be honest and tell me the truth about how you look at this, especially guys like my age to about 30, thanks


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Tommy_Storey
Posted

No,Dean,you are NOT,Damaged Good`s, and don`t you let any one,tell you any
Differant. lol


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Darcen_Darin
Posted

To tell you honestly, he's wrong and you are just fine. I've been with older guys... like really old, 20 yo older :P. And i shared it with my friend. I thought i was a slut, but my friends doesn't care. Well if that guy really likes you, he should accept your past and get on with it. Cheers


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Heebie999
Posted

Yes.. in some ways you are "damaged goods".. but so is everyone else... including the guy who called you damaged goods. The loss of your Father, and the loss of Dave, and all the times you've felt "dirty" after sex.. those all do damage.
How well you deal with that damage over the rest of your life is more important than the damage itself.
The fact that he felt threatened or "disgusted" or whatever just reveals he has damage and handles it poorly.

The fact that you are open & honest about yourself shows that you're dealing with your "damage" better than some others.. but it might be something to hold back until you think someone can handle it.. but if that's not your way.. then it's actually a really good indicator if someone is "compatible" with you... if they can't handle you being honest & open.. then they're really not going to be a positive influence in your life.. so they can go away.

I, for one, prefer openness and honesty.. although some of my "damage" can keep me from being as open as I'd like.. and a lot of people see holding certain things back, simply because they can be very difficult to talk about, as dishonesty.

In my opinion, It's much to your credit that you're able to talk so freely.


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Posted

NO...'Damaged Goods' is not a label to put on anyone who has had sex with anyone else. Does this guy expect you to be a virgin? jeezus, what's wrong with guys? Or is it because you were with older guys? Not everyone has sex with their own age or younger...we are attracted to whoever we are attracted to...what's the big deal?

And, frankly, your past sexual history is nobody's business...I don't find it a priority to tell a guy I've just met what kind of people I've had sex with in the past. I would think he'd assume I've had sex, and we'll leave it at that. Some people don't think that having sex with certain races is cool, and reel in disgust when i say I like black or Asian, or Latino guys....so, I just leave it to their imagination who I've been with. If you want to tell them details, fine...but be prepared to run into assholes who don't approve of your choices.

But as far as being Damaged Goods? NO....fuck 'em.


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Tommy_Storey
Posted

Vary, well said,Todd, and i do agree,in the respect,that it is a credit to Dean,that,
Dean,can talk about it,so Freely. Yes,Dean,i give you Full Credit, lol.


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Posted

I agree with everyone who said you were not damaged goods and I disagree with Todd that says we are all damaged goods because of the tragedies in our lives. Negative experiences are part of life, so we can appreciate the positive ones even more and to teach us so we can grow. My advice is to be honest with guys before you have sex because if you dont and fall for someone and then tell them after, it could be over. You want somebody who will accept all of you. Be very grateful that creep said "no" for whatever reason. He is obviously just wanting you for your age and sex. (your body, not your intellect and who you are becoming based on your life experiences). Bernie


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Tach_Chew_We
Posted

dean as i have awleys said be your self what makes you feel good is whats important, but to me i would like to know what damage good isor what he means by it. it also sounds to me like he realy did not care about you if he making that kinda statementand that would be a flag that thid guy is not who he realy say he is and i would procead with caution,i know we only chated a few times but i dont think i could say your damage mabye some one who need to fine who thay truly are and where thay fit in life(i think we all try to do that at a young age) if bad things in life are damage goods than iam damage but what knockes me down has made me strounger and a better person in life ,i hope i hope whan you get knocked down you get up dust your self off and move on becomming stronger and better than one who knocked you down. i wish you all the best at what your looking for. Tachuwe


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Dave_Mack
Posted

Dean you know me. I have always been honest with you. The answer is absolutely NO. There is nothing damaged about you. Maybe the guy wanted a virgin. THAT you are not but who cares. If he or anyone can't accept you for who you are then it's their loss...Simple as that...


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Posted

I agree with Todd. I'm even damaged goods to a certain extent, yet I will say I am a little scared to tell someone all about me for fear he wouldn't accept me if he knew


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Posted

Okay then, here we go

Dean, as you know my past is very dark and when I start dating a guy I am completely honest with them, when I get to know them a bit better I then tell them about my past before anything serious happens between us, honesty is one of the many foundations on which your relationships will be built on, so why hide it? Your chosen partner will be a part of your life and therefore may very well want to know about your past at some point, it's best he knows early on before you start anything serious!

All the boyfriends I've had knew about my past before we started a relationship, reason for that was they would of had plenty of time to run if they thought it was too much, I'm glad you're open, it's a noble quality, never lose it because it sometimes goes with age or entering politics (That's from Mrs.Doubtfire )

You are not damaged goods, if negative experiences in our lives make us damaged goods then Christ almighty I must be on Special Offer XD

So yeah, Dean, always be honest, never hide your past, your past will always be there and it's best to let people know about your past before you let them get too close in your life!


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Homer_Bozarth
Posted

Dean, send that guy to me that said you are damage goods so i can kick his ass! your not damage goods. if he dont like you because of that, it is own problem not yours sweety. no one is going to tell my lil brother he is damage goods and gets away with it. keep your head held up and be your self bro. dont even waste your time with guys like that. love you always your big bro Homer


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

I do not think you are damaged goods.You are just some that like older guys and not afraid to talk about it . So do what you do do well.I will bet the guy that said that is the one that is damaged.

Alfawolf


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Posted

well dean, you know that i can be brutally truthful if the need occurs, as does richard, and others.
But the best comment is from patrick, fuck him, why care about a guy that is a piece of shit, telling you that, a total and utter prick, your better of without him.
Unfortunately there is a lot out there like him, even fags who prefer straight guys as friends, and only drink in straight bars, shunning & hiding away from the gay community.
I have met a few in my time, and if they had dared say that to me, would have been told exactly what & where they could go.
You live your life as you want, and dont be controlled or possessed, and if any dont like it, then tough.
take good care of yourself now


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Homer_Bozarth
Posted

no allen he needs to send the guy to me so i can break his head open and feed it to the pigs


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David_Cloud
Posted

Well this guy who was so utterly disrespectful to you had patently been socially conditioned and failed to use an ounce of ability to think for himself. Also - and FAR WORSE - he can't have thought for one moment about YOUR feelings at what he said - and that is a real crime and shamefully unforgiveable. Even if he was so narrow-minded in his thoughts, to have actually caused you real hurt by saying it is AWFUL.

What it says to me is that he was more concerned to imagine he was 'saving his own skin' (as he would have thought about it) by disassociating himself from the idea of sex between differing age groups because he thought others would think badly of him if he did it than to be honest and proud enough to say, as you have, 'Yes, I made a decision and this is what it was - I took the decision to share sexual pleasure with older guys. I thought for myself and that's what makes me who I am'.

Deep respect, Dean.


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Posted

Hey Dean,
Richard is absolutely correct. We all have a past, I know I sure as hell have a past, it is not something that I am proud of, but it is a part of me and I believe it has helped to make me a better person. I have told my boy friends about my past, and NOT ONE has ever had anything but the utmost respect for me for telling them. This guy that called you damaged goods, is the one that is damaged. He is lacking total class and respect for other people and their feelings. You are by far better without him in your life.
You have my utmost respect Dean, and just remember, you are NOT damaged goods!


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Posted

I agree with most of what has been said here, Dean. That guy who called you "damaged goods": a) has more "issues" than you do, and it's far more telling of his emotional shortcomings than yours, and b) doesn't know what a wonderful, caring, talented guy he's passing up!

Start to believe in yourself a bit, Dean. Your past doesn't define you, it merely gives you the necessary experience to make better life-choices in the future. Similarly, you don't NEED other people to validate you. We all have a past, and we all have our own emotional hang-ups. As humans (as it tells us in the bible and every other spiritual writing), none of us can ever be perfect. The trick is to strive to be the best "you" that you can be, and, in striving for that, to get to a point where you can be at peace with yourself.

I wish you God speed towards that end.


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Dave_Mack
Posted

Ian you hit the nail on the head. Brilliant! Hope Dean and others who doubt themselves will copy your words and past them in front of their screens, their school books and any other thing they have that will keep them front and center.
Bravo Ian


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Posted

OMG I never thought it would take off like this has, I just thought a couple of replies.

Thanks I got loads to get my head round now.


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Posted

Ok Dean, this is how i see it, you have done nothing wrong at all, you were right to be honest, if the person you are with cannot take you telling them about your PAST, then its them who has the problem. You have done the right thing and you carry on the way you are, you will find the person that will be so happy that you are honest like that. Never change for someone else, be you, cus that is who you are, well done mate.
P.S there is no way you are damaged goods....


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Posted

homer & richard i, please be careful in case someone takes offence, i know you were only kidding, but others dont, you know what i mean homer.
At the end of the day dean, you only get out of life what you put into it, and dont waste the effort on trash.
And dean if you were going to send him anywhere,suggest uganda, they kill gays there, dont matter what colour or background, and only pay 2nd class stamp.


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Heebie999
Posted

Hopefully you can see that each one of us sees ourselves very differently, and that we can use very different words to describe very similar things.. everyone is unique, including you.
I don't see any reply in this thread that I could term as "wrong".. but there are lots of different perspectives.
Your perspective on it is your own.. hopefully seeing all these other perspectives is helpful. Whether you use the term "damaged" or not in relation to yourself is entirely up to you.. I was trying to insinuate that the pain you feel isn't abnormal, and definitely isn't something you can just push aside. It's a part of who you are. Whom you find attractive isn't even necessarily related to that.. and if that guy was uncomfortable being around a guy who finds older men attractive, then it's HIM who is uncomfortable with it. You should pay him no mind, and move on to someone else who'll hopefully be less of a turdball!


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Posted

Richard I knew you were joking no probs don't stress. But I wouldn't like u 2 get thrown off cos somebody else didn't know U were joking and thought u serious


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