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Joe_Lewis_59482

Gay and a real man. Is it possible? - Gay Guys! <3

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Joe_Lewis_59482
Posted

Okay, so here's a bit of back story. I'm 17, live in England, recently started coming out to some of my closest friends. It's a way off before I come out to everyone, but I'm not going to pretend I'm attracted to girls, I'm just going to live my life as I have been.

Now, I would never have considered myself an alpha male. I'm not the biggest sports fan, not greatly interested into cars and that. I'm a nerd, I like art, comic books, and I thrive on studying science. True I've got on with girls better throughout most of my secondary education, but I've still got on well enough with guys, and I would still consider myself pretty masculine, and as a new year thing I'm going to get myself down to the gym and build up some muscles (would have done this last year, but had an operation and was told I wasn't allowed to do any strenuous activity. I'm about recovered now).

So yeah, not the alpha male, but still clearly, a man. The average man. Nothing camp about me. And tbh (got nothing against camp guys), that's not who I am, and so I will never be a camp guy.

BUT, I almost feel as though being gay makes me less of a man. Anyone back me up here?


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Will_Medici
Posted

I have felt this way but you need to remember that liking men can actually make you more manly, by liking men it already says that you like masculinity and thus it's only natural for you to be like this too. Don't worry, just cos ur gay doesnt mean you will have to start behaving like less of a man. Personally i dont find camp guys attractive, mainly because i'm not one myself, i like my men to be men, but then who is to say that camp guys are not manly, it depends on how you view manly i suppose


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Posted

I'm glad that I don't have to be camp to be gay. I am gay and am NOT flamboyant and never will be. Rather than wanting to be "manly" whatever that means I want to be MYSELF!!! I refuse to pretend to be something I am not. I did that for 63 years of my life, probably trying to please others and live a life of outward "comfort" but inward "agony". I know that sounds contradictory! comfort and agony at the same time! I hid behind a mask for far too long. So Joe, I would advise u just to be yrself. And accept the person u really r!!! Feel comfortable with the way u r!! Which is what Will is saying as well.
Take care, my friend. I'm sorry if I have been a bit "in ur face" - it's all up to u


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Tommy_Storey
Posted

Like you i live in England, and all the gay men who i know and have known have all have been top of there Field ( or vary near ) and have all way`s been vary focust in what thay have been doing. That in my mind makes them more of a man than the average man. I find that the fact that i am gay,is helping me alot in my Day to Day life. ( some how ). Because i alway`s fill at ease with the World. Just RELAX and thing`s will come right,for you in the end.lol
Also, what i have just said, must be going on all over the world. as well as here. too.lol


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Rowan_Jones
Posted

I just saw this on my feed and was intrgued...and I have to say that reading both of your posts made me smile.
I'm a camp-ish Gay man, yes I am a MAN....nothing changed when I came out. I agree with Will the idea of liking men, makes you just as manly, maybe even more so than straight guys - whats more manly than wanting some big, strong, powerful, interesting, funny guy to lye next to at night. I aswell don't find camp guys attractive, purely cus....I don't wanna date myself.. I wanna learn from some one I date...not get irritated because all we do is clash. BUT bottom line is....NO, being Gay does not make you less of a man, I sat down and told my parents I was gay when I was 15...I'm now 21, it's a tough thing to do...and it's not an easy thing to have to do, hats off to anyone who has or is 'coming out'.....it takes guts to question who you are and to be completely honest with yourself...THAT in my eyes is what being a MAN is about...not drinking beer, watching footie or starting fights...but standing up for what you believe in and being proud of who you are

WOW...I've rambled on here, but I just had to say that it was cool to see a conversation on here that wasn't about sex or people arguing


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Tommy_Storey
Posted

Just one more thing what i wanna say, is that i also don`t mind the company of camp guy`s at all, and i think that they can be vary good company,and they are no lesser man than i am,but may be slightly differant to us straight acting guy`s in acting,and that is all. lol


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David_Dubber
Posted

No it makes you more of a man in my eyes. And you have already started 'coming out' to some of your close friends which takes guts and that is very manly


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Posted

No Joe it doesn't make you anything but what you are, a man. I hate camp or wimpy or queens. I am gay and I knew it when I was 13, but I like MEN. I get girls hitting on me all the time. I am not out but my best mate guessed and is still my best mate and hasn't' told anybody. He is going out with a girl that tried it with me for over 6 weeks B4 giving up and starting with Tom ( my mate) to make me jealous, and ended up with him. I reckon he is getting more than I am now!!

I am a nerd too I guess, I find I can learn easy AND I enjoy school. I write poetry and am in the Oxbridge group so that make me a herd, but I also played rugby for my school and since I was 14 I played cricket for my village.

Don't do yourself down there's loads of people who love to do that for u. Be the guy you are and never think you not a man cos you gay, a lot of real gay guys only like real MEN who are gay, they don't want guys who act like they a woman.


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Posted

nah...just cuz you're gay doesn't mean you're less of a man...even if you were flamboyant ...to a man is someone who was born male...whether they're gay or not...even if they go thru a sex change...a male is a male...now you don't really have to impress anyone by toning or building up your body...that's something you wanna do for yourself if you truly want to...i'm not all that masculine but totally not fem either...not into sports...not all that into cars...tho i do like to help or watch my dad fix the car sometimes...i like physical labor...apparently i recently started to like power tools...i felt that added a bit to my masculinity...i'm more of a gamer...i'm totally into video games...my one and only addiction...lol...but anywho...well your masculinity can't be taken away by anyone or anything...the only one that stands in the way of that is yourself...if fits well w/your self-esteem...but it is possible to be gay and to be man...or else how could we call each other gay men???...


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Marcus_Sykes
Posted

Hi Joe - I just read your post & thought blimey, this guy has just described me!!
I was / still am the same way you described yourself at 17. Sports, take or leave them - science, well in to that - girls, ok where they are. So my answer to you is no, being gay definatley don't make you any less of a man. To me, the bottom line is, you are what you make yourself!
I wish you well - any help, please ask.
Take care - Marcus


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Andy_Lee_54601
Posted

everyone has said the right stuff, there's no more to say. you do what you feel like and sod everyone else. you are a Man, and no-one can take that from you. Take care young'un, be good and i hope you get your dream guy xxxxxxxx love from Andy xxxxxxxxxxxx :*


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Lysander_Lurid
Posted

If you think about logically, there is no such thing as a male role nor there is a gender role. Aside from biological factor there is no true definition of a "MAN". Just act the way you feel comfortable and believe me it will set you free.


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Peter_John_O'Reilly
Posted

I am in total agreement


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Tim_Anderson
Posted

Can I add I think some of what you may be experiencing is the blessing/curse of a gay man's life and that is that we are men but we have sensibilities or sensitivities which are not just masculine. This is confusing cos a real man is perceived or advertised as one particular animal ie likes sports,doesnt cry has no fashion sense etc. As gay men we can and do respond to using both a masculine eye and a feminine one too. sometimes this can feel wierd and confusing. I've learned to enjoy it ie decorating sense, taste in colour, a love of sport, a love of cars, a love of fine china and beautiful things. Just know as gay men we have far more scope to experience life that straight men and that is something to celebrate and has nothing to do with being a real man or not. I can have a big dick like to suck big dicks and love to arrange flowers and still be a real man.!


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Joe_Lewis_59482
Posted

Wow. I guess this is a bit of a hot topic haha.
Yeah I guess you've all pretty much hit the nail on the head, and get what I'm talking about. Obviously I still have some concerns an' all, but I feel easier about it now, and feel more comfortable with the idea of being both gay, and still a man. Thanks!


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