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Dark Place... (Part IIII) Explosion of anger! - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

Guys...
I almost killed someone the other day...
It was an ex of my ex.
To make this easier to explain to you all, I'll have to use their names, my ex is called Ben and his ex is called Lloyd.
Basically, Ben and Lloyd were friends with benefits before I even knew them, it was broken off way before I started talking to Ben.
As you guys know me and Ben broke up and since then I've been a seriously dark place, and I'm changing with each minutes that passes.
Anyway, I heard Lloyd and Ben had a row and it was a bad one, instantly my boyfriend instinct kicked in (EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT WITH BEN ANYMORE!!!) and I went out to protect him, I got to Ben's house and when I got in, a bunch of his mates were there and Ben looked like he's just been fighting, he had a cut under his eyes and his nose was partially bleeding... That's when I exploded and lost all control over myself... I don't want to go too far into detail, but I will say my hands were covered in blood near the end :'(
I feel really bad now, it took Ben and 5 other of his mates to stop me.
My anger reached levels like they never have before!
All I could think of when I was in my anger mode was Ben was hurt, he's an ex! AN EX!!!! HE HURT ME, shouldn't I hate him and not care if he's hurt?
My anger and aggression have reached levels that are not just dangerous to myself but dangerous to people around me! It's not right!!
I have my first counselling session on Wednesday, I hope that helps...


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Posted

Richard please continue the counselling.


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Richard_A_Hovey
Posted

If it scared you enough to seek counseling you have conquered half of the problem already. I have experienced this as well, only once in my life, and it scared me to death. you are talking about it and that is the best thing to do to work it all out. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress. Some of old timers have been around and my have some sage wisdom for you on this journey. Be good and be safe.

P.S. Checked your profile. It is interesting to me you are a Leo also. I would love to know what your personality is like.


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Posted

My personality is changing, I'm going to update my profile and I'll update it when I know who I really am :/


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Richard_Edwards
Posted

Richard, it's good that you are getting counseling.

My ex called me yesterday. He needed someone to talk to. I listened to him and heard him cry. Afterwards, I also said to myself, why am I being good to him when he hurt me so badly. I don't have the answer.


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Neil_Hilde
Posted

On some level you still care abut your ex no matter how badly he hurt you. Counseling will help to control those impulses, and possibly help you to understand why you care that much about him.

Good luck, man.


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Dave_Mack
Posted

Yes Richard you are wise to seek the councilling. You have a myriad of emotions in play and they are jumbled, The councillor can help you sort things out. Remember th be totally honest with them. The more you are open about all that you think and feel the better they can help you...
Good Luck


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