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I having really bad time so sad and lonely, stressed out and not handling my HIV at moment sick of taking pills and feed up i am so scared and feel i am falling apart, i feel that my family wish i was die and i wish i was too, God as turned his back on me for being GAY i was rapped 12 years ago by ex partner and now well my live is at a cross road please help me any one


Hi David,

Please don't give up! Bad things happen but life does get better! I am working as an advocate for a cure of HIV. I hared taking my pills too but then I found out I have leukemia and my German doctor had the idea of curing my leukemia and HiV using a stem cell transplant from a donor who was immune to HIV. Now I am immune. (see timothyrbrown.com) So when I thought that things could not get any worse, they became much better. My mission is for all HIV patients in the entire world to have access to a cure to this horrible disease and I think that medical scientists and pharmaceutical companies with financial assistance from governments and NGOs are going to achieve this goal in a matter of a few years.


Hi David

There are times when we all feel like we are far from God, but He is always waiting with open and loving arms to hold you as His blessed child. Psalm 139 tells us that there is no place that we can run from God AND it tells us that He has had our lives planned out every step of the way from before we were born.

I'm sorry that your earthly birth family has turned their backs to you...you now have the chance to build a family of friends that will love you and care for you just the same. I too am a survivor of rape...3 rapists actually, you need to find a therapist to talk this through with so that you can get through the victim stage and to the survivor stage and onto living your life.

I can't say that I know what living with HIV is like but I can relate to living on many pills a day for other medical labels...keep pushing forward...you are bigger than the pills and the tough days and with the tender loving care of God and friends on here YOU will be able to support somebody in your shoes someday.

David you are going to be on my prayer list...and know that God is not as far away as you think...turn to Him, admit you need His help and He will lovingly take you in His arms and carry you until you can walk on your own again. You were strong enough to ask for help here...you are going to make it!

Big hugs!


i know what it's like living with hiv. i have beenthat way for over 20 years andwth the grace of god i have not had togo on med just yet. i know how hard it is. i am waiting for the other shoe to drop myself, but i keep it moving, how i don't really know. i don't have any real support dealing with it. and thank god that you are doing the meds now rather than when it first started where you had to take any where from 10 to 60 pills a day and if, like some friends i knew had to start over when they throw them up. you have loving people in your area that would love to help you even if it isn't your family. god hasn't turn his back on you he's there with loving arms willing to give you all the strenth you need only if you call on him and belive with all your heart that he love's you. you are goig to find people here telling you they understand and that they feel for you but unless they have walk in our shoes they don't truly understand. your family don't want you to die they may not understand how to help the way you think they should so talk to them tell them what you need and want. trust that they love you and if they weren't upset when you came out they aren't about this. i too was rape and understand that too. it's harder when you are a male because you can't talk about it without looking weak. gay or not it still make you look bad. when it happen to me i was 12 and was tied up to a tent post at boyscout summer camp and 15 boys did it. i told and was made to feel 20 times wrose than ever. i'm not trying to take the spot light off you, but to let you know that you are not alone. i wish i was near you just to give you a hug and let you know things will get better even though right now you can't see it. don't give up they say the sun will shine again, and it just might but you have to keep moving and please don't lose your faith. god love us just as much as he love others he's our god too and know that is what helps me. i don't know if any of this help but you are love and cared for please keep your head up. my momma use to say if you think you have it bad look at the person next to you


I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Know that God did not and is not punishing you for being gay. You are His creation; His child, and God does not make mistakes. He loves you. You have an illness and it is that illness in addition to what you have survived that is making you feel so bad right now. You are a survivor and that means you have more strength within you that you realize. I do understand the difficulties and the pain that comes with HIV. I have a cousin that has been living with HIV for about 20 years now. She has her ups and downs, but she is alive and she has more life to live just as you do.

I will keep you in my prayers David. Know that even though it may seem like it, you are not alone. You are not being punished for who you are because you are exactly who God created you to be. Let no man tell you otherwise. God loves you David; so much. Open yourself up to Him and let Him fill your heart and soul with that love and He will always be there for you. In the mean time, again, I will be praying for you. Take care and God bless you.


rape is wrong, no matter what the circumstances are, and having to deal with the after effects is differcult for the individual involved.
David dont give up, you have to live in hope, and enjoy life, in whatever way you can, all here will give you encouragement in that.
Timothy thats interesting the hiv/leukemia thing, mabey if dean hargreaves comes back on, you can tell him, it might help him, he could talk to his docs.
Gene, i think now i understand why you state belief in " my god", thats rough, what you stated, my heart goes out to all of you, and tonia already knows what i think about rape, and susan, your right about living with hiv its not easy, but you have to live as long as you can,life is precious, and us gays should not be afraid of having hiv friends, carl david is positive, and 1 of my friends.


See David, within 18 hours of posting you have 5 people willing to be a part of a family you can build for yourself. New brothers and sisters who accept you regardless of your situation...some of us have walked in your shoes...but it really doesn't matter, we love you and accept you as our brother David. Please don't give up on us.

I can't speak for everybody here but you can PM me anytime...and if you are just needing to vent and let go mark it as Do Not Read and I will just delete it. I won't let you fall through the cracks though my new brother...I'm going to keep checking on you


Hello David. I am sorry that you are going through a rough time these days. I want you to know that God has not and will never turn His back on you. You are His child, His creation. He loves you more than you can ever imagine or comprehend. And, you have others out in the world, like myself, who also struggle with what life throws our way. Please don't give up hope. I am praying for you now and will always. You are a unique creation of God, and the world is a much better place for having you in it. Please write me if you want. I would to be your friend. Take care of yourself and stay strong.
My deepest regards to you, Jean-Yves


see david there are now 6 good people on here, you can come on here and talk to any of us. If we can help, we will, and david theres lots more out there.


Hello David. I was saddened to read of your struggles. Pleased be assured that we are praying for you and I would encourage you to pray and hold on through this LifeStorm. It will pass, and when it does, you will see your life in a more positive light. BroHugs, Michael