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Coming out to parents soon - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

I have been thinking about it and I have been talking to a few people online that have encouraged me a lot and I have decided that im going to come out to my parents sometime between now and January.
I also told my cousin and she is really supportive and say I should tell them as well cause she thinks they will be cool with it.
But what im wanting is just some more tips from anyone, what kind of questions might they ask, how do I say it, just I just blurt it out or what?
To be honest I think my dad knows, he found gay youth magazines (Attitude Magazine) that had shirtless guys on it, but he never said anything, he just left them on top of my bed, so I dont know if he realised what they were or not.
Anyway, any tips would be great
Thanks in advance
Ben


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Marcus_Sykes
Posted

I found honesty the best policy - mum & dad had suspected for years, the evidence was there. So, in your own time, in your own way - no need to rush or get into any type of situation.
There is no right or wrong way about this -
I wish you well.


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Randy_Martin
Posted

Ben - just be honest with yourself and everyone else - in this and in life. If you feel it is time then do it. Sounds like you have a good cousin. She will be a good resource in all of this I bet.


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Posted

maybe they already know there just waiting for you to say it parents are not stupid


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Posted

One major problem parents have, is that they feel that they have some how failed as parents, and it is their falt you are gay. Hopefully they will just accept you as you are, love you, and be happy that you don't have to live a lie, anymore.
But be prepared to let them know this something you did not choose, but are happy and comfortable being gay, and no blame on either you or them. Jer


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Posted

Thanks for the advice so far, but has anyone got any advice on how to say it to them, or possible questions that they may ask me once I tell them

Ow and Randy, She really is a good cousin and she is just always supportive about everything, and she said she recently helped someone else come out to his parents, so thats always a good thing


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Posted

Yea i agree with Jerry...let them know that being gay is not a choice...cuz we were all born this way...i know in my case my dad didn't ask any questions...he said he was ok with it...but he wouldn't want to know any details about my personal life...my brother thought i was confused...but he came around...my sister already knew and she was mad that they kept talking to me about having a girlfriend cuz it was obvious that i was gay...and well my mom just couldn't understand at all...she felt someone had touched me, or someone confused me and made me gay...but it took her a bit of time to understand...& now she fully accepts me...and she gets involved my personal life...grandma just said she didn't know...but that i was her grandson and that my sexual preference isn't a problem...i am who i am...so even if they don't fully accept you right away...just give them time to come around...some will be more accepting than others...and well there will be those family members that don't and won't understand...so if you want...you should pick and choose who you want to come out with...or if you bold enough to tell everyone no matter what like me...then just do it w/your head up high...i wish you luck...and hope this experience goes smoothly...and not that you have to...but when you do...let us know how it went...


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Posted

Hey Ben

It was years before I told any one I was gay, getting drunk and telling your best friend in the middle of a pub surrounded by rugby players was probably not the best idea but I did feel better afterwards. It was a few more years before I told my mother and the first thing she said was yes I know that!

I wish I had come out when I was younger but you have to do what is right for you, good luck with what ever you decide to do.

Ian xx


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Dave_Mack
Posted

Ben its likely dad and mom DO know. My ONLY suggestion is in the event they toss you out (and I hope if they are loving parents they wouldnt) that you have a place to stay. Then if they DO you are not on the street.
There is a movie I saw laast year Called "Make They Yuletide Gay". Its a USA film but I am sure you can get it in the UK. ITs about 2 guys in college that are open and together on campus but one of them is NOT out to his parents. The movie is hillarious but the end will stun you when he confronts them at Christmas Dinner.
Good luck and let us know how things work out...

Dave


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Ian_Mcgrath
Posted

i dont kno if u'll even read this but yea . . .
coming out is amazing, i came out not too long ago, there's no advice that can help make it easy, its gonna be hard, i remember feeling sick and saying i wouldnt but u hav to kinda force urself to move into the room and tell them, it's probably the hardest conversation to get going but ur probably right, they might already kno, my parents knew and u never kno u might not even have to say it, i didnt, they just said its ok, but dont do it until ur ready to face what could possibly happen :/
anyway the best of luck, its amazing when they kno and are cool with it


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Posted

Thanks for all the comments, I think its all helped a lot, also I have made my mind up and I am going to come out within the next month, and hopefully my cousin will be able to help or even just be there when I do it.
Dave - if they do throw me out (but I dont think they would), I am currently at Uni, so if they did, I can just go back to my accommodation and stay there until the end of my course, hopefully by that time they will have accepted. But thats if it comes to that.
Ian - I kinda know the feeling cause of when I come out to my cousin, I know it isnt the same scale when it comes to your parents, but my cousin was hard, infact I didnt even come out face to face, I sent her a message on facebook, and she took an hour to reply (that was the longest hour of my life) and I did feel sick, I was shaking and my heart was pounding, but as I said she was cool with it and I really did feel amazing, I was excited, happy, relieved all at the same time. So I can imagine it being the same with my parents, well if they accept it.


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Ryan_Siriwardene
Posted

Personally I would just blurt it out especially since your dad found those mags.

Dont pick a date and maybe tell them at separate times to make it easier for you.

Sure bring your cousin into it if you talk to them together.

Try and do it now before christmas hits unless your parents are stressed at this time already.

Also make sure you come to yourself. The worst thing you can do than have the fear of your telling your parents is fearing yourself.

Hope that makes sense?


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Dave_Mack
Posted

Ben I thought you were a bit younger. So U have a place if that were to happen. Thats good.

Let me share my coming out with you. I know I have told this before but it was awhile ago..

I was in my mid 20's. I always knew I was gay but had to come to terms with it myself. I had a best friend,. He was 100% strate, We met when we were 15. In the very beginning I might havewanted to have sex with him but I didn't and I am glad. It could have ruined a 31 yr friendship. In fact I NEVER saw him naked.

Anyway one evening he and I were just sitting having a beer, His wife was working and his kids (he had only 2 then, went on to have 2 more) were fast asleep in bed. Some how in the course of conversation he said "If I ever had a friend who was gay I'd drop him in a minute." That cut me like a knife. Well some 6 months later I was coming out. I was visiting him and he could see I was very upset about something. He asked me what was the matter and I told him I couldn't talk with him about it as I didn't want to lose him. I was holding back tears and started to leave. As I opened the door to leave he reached in front of me and shut it blocking my path. He then looked me in the eye (which were tearing up) and said "If I can tell you what your problem is will you please sit and talk with me". At this point I figured he didn't have a clue. I said "sure ok tell me." He said with kindnmess in his voice "you're gay". I started to cry and nodded yes. I said I'll leave now. He said NO dont leave. Please sit and talk. I reminded him of what he had said months prior. He smiled and said "That's true, but not with you". He said if we had just met maybe but we had been friend for 10+ years. And he told me he knew back when we were 15! We were best friends for over 31 years.

He died from complications from diabetis when he was 47. I proudly gave the Eulogy (sp?) at his Funeral Mass. He has been gone now some 12 years and I still tear up just telling this to you. I would have given my life to save him. Not one day goes by I don't miss him.

As a sideline some time later his marriage was on the rocks and I was the one who helped he and his wife work things out and they remained together til he died.

I know I've gone on a bit here but if this coming out story hleps just ONE person then its been worth the time. People we know, instinctively KNOW we are gay. They have come to accept us for who and what we are. We need to accept ourselves...

Dave


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Posted

Tanx For That Dave, It was so much worth reading this morning, and i am so sorry for ur Friend and what a real Friend he was, as were u when his Marriage was on the Brink. It's a Lovely Story, Tanx again.


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Posted

Dave - He does sound like he is a really good friend and im sorry about about what happened to him. But thanks for the story.

One of my close friends that iv known for 5 going on 6 years didnt have a clue that I was gay, infact neither did my cousin who iv known all my life. I guess iv just tried to hide it for so long iv got good at it.
However there are people that I know that know im gay even though I denied it to them years ago. My younger brother for one knows, he found some websites wrote down on a piece of paper in my room, which I denied was mine, but it obviosuly was, its in my room, my handwriting, so he knows even though I have never told him, This was a good 5 years ago though.
Also my dad found the gay youth magazines which I said on my first post, but he never said anything, everyone online told me he rather didnt see what they were or he is waiting for me to tell him myself.
Actually apart from the people iv told, no one else knows, YET!
However my mum, I just have no idea, she has never shown any signs that she knows, but she soon will LOL
I cant actually wait, I go home on Tuesday when ill talk to my cousin for the first time since I told here, which im very nervous about, but I am excited at the same time. Then hopefully get the courage to tell my parents, sometime within the next 4-5 weeks.
So thanks everyone who has left comments, tips and advice.
It has helped
Thanks
Ben


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Timothy_Brown
Posted

I wish you the best of luck and perseverance, Ben! I've been there. It's not easy! I hope it's easier with your parents than it was with my Conservative Christian mother!


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Posted

well I talked to my cousin yesterday and she was great, she was telling me that she thinks my dad will be fine with it, and she even give me some small tips on how I could tell him. She did say I should do it today, but I guess ill see how I feel, but I dont think ill do it today, I think its a little early for me, but I do know its going to be soon.


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Michael_Wolfe
Posted

Like everyone has said hang in there and just be yourself and things will work out...


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