Bad dates aren’t only disappointing; they’re frequently damn right humiliating. You slink away, vowing never to date again. But why not listen to your inner-Pollyanna and look at the benefits of another dating disaster?  Here are our six top tips. 

 

Bad date benefit 1. Be brutally honest

Meeting Mr Not Right presents you with some great opportunities for self-reflection. Yes, really! Bear with us… Rather than coming away from a bad date hopelessly disenchanted, the first thing to remember - as obvious as it may be - is that this one bad date is just one experience. 

It’s too easy catastrophise and brand every gay guy out there a rabid narcissist or nutter. Start by analysing the things that went wrong. Identify the processes that led to the bad date. Was it all his fault or have did you play a part in the ensuing hideousness of this not so enchanted evening? Make a list. Write it down. Then move on to our next point…

 

Bad date benefit 2. Understanding what you want

What was it about this guy that was so wrong? Focusing on this allows you to re-evaluate the type of man – and date – that you want and deserve. Is a pattern emerging here? If so, why are you wasting your time on these people?

Or, and heaven forbid: what if he didn’t like you? Yes, your self-esteem will inevitably have taken a battering. But this will pass. Use it as an opportunity to work on you. Never lose sight of your many positives. Just because one guy crushed you with all the casual force of picking pubic lice from an unruly bush, does not mean every other will? Of course not! However, if you’re disproportionately upset by one rejection, this suggests you need to work on bolstering your self-esteem.

 

Bad date benefit 3. An opportunity to practice kindness

Empathy is a most under-rated quality. When we’re disappointed, our default-position is frequently to blame the other person, our date. Dissing him and using him as a comedy routine for friends for the next two years may initially be amusing – but what does it say about you?

Your self-esteem is built not only on how you regard yourself but on how you behave towards others. Try being a little gentler. Rather than mock his nerves or other shortcomings attempt to understand why he is exhibiting this behaviour. Listen to him. Who knows, you may gain a new friend - and we all know those outlive lovers.

two gay men laughing having fun
Exploring what went wrong helps improve things for the the next date.
 

Bad date benefit 4. Improve communication and confidence

Bad dates are perfect opportunities to practice your communication skills and interpersonal relationships. In exploring why things went wrong, you can examine both his and your body language and the way people talk to one another.

There are so many little tricks to becoming an expert conversationalist. These are solid skills you can transfer to any number of other contexts: work and play. Revel in witty repartee; learn how to let someone down gently. Be mindful of what you say and do - and the many magical tones your voice can take. Adopting these tricks will give you the confidence needed to bolster self-esteem. Ignore them at your peril!
 

Bad date benefit 5. Getting comfortable with discomfort

And more on self-esteem: when life chucks shit at you, turn it into manure. Accentuate the positive where ever possible. Indeed, only by placing yourself in uncomfortable situations can you grow. Moreover, only by experiencing the unpleasant times can you truly appreciate joy.

Changing your outlook, and treating everything as a learning experience, sounds corny, but it will stand your self-esteem in great stead. Everyone loves a comeback queen. Become that fierce example of resilience and strength. 
 

Bad date benefit 6. The drive to keep going

Moping about and singing siren songs over too many Martinis is not a good look – not indefinitely, anyway. A bad date can give you the drive to get out there and keep trying. Regroup, reignite that self-esteem, dust off your tiara and continue to dazzle. Learn to let go of the negative and the positives will shine from you - meaning you’re finally waving goodbye to all those wrong ‘uns. 

 

Had too many bad dates but not given up? Good! Continue the hunt on Gays.com.

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