Is Three a Crowd? | The Gays.com Guide to Threesomes

Is there such a thing as threesome etiquette? Gays.com explores how to max out the fun and avoid those shameful moments… 

Just who do you want to get sticky with?

Choose who you want to indulge with carefully. Throwing in an extra cock into a sexual relationship which makes necrophilia look hip and happening isn’t necessarily going to revive your desire for one another. In fact, it could well do the opposite and only serve to remind you just what a block of ice your so called “lover” is in the boudoir.

If you do choose to play together, select your third party carefully: are they a psycho? Or perhaps even worse, are they a sexual dynamo who is only going to show you up and make you feel – and even worse, look – small and insignificant? Sometimes spontaneous threesomes can be the best – but make sure you’re both on the same page.

Fellatio and flip flopping

So, you’ve decided to play as a couple – now you need to work out what you’re up for. What you may hammer away like together to get gushing like Niagara isn’t necessarily what you may choose to do to a stranger.

Perhaps you may wish to keep those “tweak my nipples and call me Norma” fantasies you’ve shared with one another over time private – or you may be quite happy to watch your partner embarrass himself; perhaps it’s even your secret fantasy…Either way, boundaries should be established if you’re in a relationship. If you’re off gallivanting alone, however- well, just try and keep it legal!


Choose who you want to indulge with carefully...

Mind your knobbly bits…

And what you do with your teeth…Yes, tweaking his japs eye with that pointy little incisor of yours may well get your boyfriend screaming like a tart, but it could have quite an undesired effect on someone else. Just because there’s a hole there doesn’t mean you need to fill it. And for god's sake watch your limbs – there’s nothing worse than a robust jab in the ball sack as you try not to fall off the bed. Start slowly and get to know one another’s bodies before plunging in like Tom Daley. Oh, and if you want a chance of revving like a well-oiled machine rather than a rusty old mangle, lay off the booze. 

The little green-eyed monster v the big one-eyed monster

Jealousy, of course. More good queens have been lost to the green-eyed monster than disease, starvation and war. Put simply, if you live with something out of Fatal Attraction don’t invite in some other poor, unsuspecting idiot. Avoid anyone who has feelings for your other half, because as soon as whatever you may have taken wears off the sight of your dearly beloved getting his backdoor banged in isn’t going to look quite so hot. Post-coital handbag fights are best avoided.

Mmmm, learn to count…

The clue is in the name: there are “three” of you. Is someone laying there like a disposed of tampon? Do they need an extra portion of the finger buffet? Are they sitting there all on their lonesome, flicking that little bean while Mr Insatiable blisters your Bratwurst? Share and share alike, ladies. Unless you’re shooting a threesome for Falcon Studios – in which case you really shouldn’t need this guide – one of you is likely to be the less attractive of the merry trio.

Try not to ignore him for too long. Ok, so he’s got a face which suggests his mother probably had to smoke crack before she breast fed him, and understandably you would prefer not to truss him up like a turkey, but at least find it somewhere within your selfish little gay heart to slam in the lamb doggy style. Oh, and the sharing bit means that everyone does the mopping up afterwards – and if there’s nothing to mop up, well, you know it’s all been an unmitigated disaster, don’t you?