When I posted this question on the Gays.com Facebook page a while back, I was more than a tad surprised by the overwhelming response from our followers: the poll was about 90/10 in favour of absolutely no nookie on a first date. In fact, some of the comments suggested that if you did engage in a bit of nookie, you were basically a bit of a slut:
“No sex! Unless you don’t mind it to be the last date!”
“No! You have to get to know the type of person you’re with.”
“No sex if you want a relationship, but yes if want a fuck buddy.”
“No! How degrading! No self-respect!”
“Sluts would say ‘yes’, people who are on an actual date will say no.”
Wow! Harsh! Surprised? I was! Looking back at how I met my past boyfriends, they’ve come about through a mixture of happenings. Some were gradual, building from a friendship and flirtation into something deeper. Others were the result of drunken dance floor encounters followed by a frantic taxi ride of snogging, shagging, and then spending the next couple of years together. And why not?
Sometimes, when you meet someone on a date and it goes well, and you’re just both horny, why not jump in at the deep end? We’re all adults, right? Maybe I’m a bit more slutty than some sections of the population, but I don’t see anything wrong with sleeping with someone on a first date. And, as long as you are responsible and talk about safer sex, here’s why:
1) You can know if your potential partner is crap in the sack /a terrible kisser/smelly and then not bother to go back for seconds.
Imagine you start dating, fall for someone, and then you discover their carnal crapiness. Gonna be harder to get over it.
2) If you go back to their place, you can learn a lot about their personality from their surroundings and therefore assess compatibility instantly. If you have to wade through dirty dishes, empty yoghurt pots and Coke bottles filled with wee to get to the bed, you can nip it in the bud straightaway (yes, I talk from experience).
3)You can analyse their CD collection for taste. Too much Madonna/Britney/Mariah/Beyonce etc and they can wave that second date bye bye (unless you're into that as well, of course!).
4) Sex is HOT. And FUN.
5) Sharing a cab ride home on the night means you can save yourself a few quid. Result.
6) It shouldn’t make any difference if you do the biz on the first night or not. No one should judge you based on your sexual activity.
7) 8, 9 and 10!
Saying this, I suppose there could be a couple of disadvantages of first-night nookie:
1) Your date could be CRAZY! Someone I know had the misfortune of this experience: he went home with someone, was then attacked and held hostage in a cupboard for two days before managing to escape. At least a few dates may help you to identify if your potential new love is a psychopath. Seriously though, always consider personal safety when going on dates with strangers.
2) Some people are only interested in sex. You may be genuinely keen to continuing dating them after your first night, but for some people once they’ve got their wicked way, you’re just another notch on their bedposts. But then, if they’re not looking for a relationship, I guess it ain’t gonna happen.
Saying this, on the occasions where I’ve met with someone for a first date and we’ve not ended up in bed together, I must admit that the subtle build-up and wait for the actual moment has made it even more satisfying and enjoyable.
But then again, instant hook-ups can also be very exciting. We can now get sex delivered to our doors in the same time and just as easy as ordering a 9” pepperami (er, hang on, is that the same thing? LOL). Certainly some gay men (I’m not sure if gay women or straights use the net in such a prolific way) have gotten used to bypassing the whole ‘dating’ thing completely. Sex has become a takeaway delivery option (for some of us) that’s all easy to pig out on.
However, some friends of mine who meet guys from the net prefer to meet them for drinks first to see if they have anything in common or find them attractive (or at least look like their profile pictures!), whereas others refuse to use gay dating websites for the fear of becoming addicted and spending too much time cruising online. Still, there’s no reason why you couldn’t meet someone for an instant hook-up and then end up falling in love and living happily ever after… At the end of the day, I think it depends on your intentions and what you are looking for. Live and let love! •
What’s your take on sex on the first date/instant hook-ups? Leave your comment below
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