One of the first signs of an impending breakup is losing affection (and no, we’re not talking wild sex here – that comes later). Affection is the lynchpin of any healthy relationship. You show you love your partner through those small touches. The way you communicate can take many forms: physical, verbal and even written (think filthy notes left next to his lunch box in the morning.)
Each time you reach out and touch your man, you remind him of your feelings. Physical affection is often subtle: the kiss on the forehead; the hand on the shoulder to reassure and soothe. When these things vanish, when the impulse to express those feelings dies, ending a relationship is often not far off.
Do you no longer have anything to say to one another? Anything pleasant that is. When kindness and mutual respect is replaced with hideous slanging matches then ending a relationship can feel like a merciful release.
Awkward silences, constant bickering, sulking during RuPaul’s Drag Race or having a raging disagreement over organic supermarket produce all indicate emotional Armageddon. If you can no longer be bothered to make it up or compromise, then the battle lines are firmly drawn. Languish in an endless cold war or end your relationship…make your choice.
Constantly arguing? Perhaps it's time to call time on the relationship.
All gay relationships need give and take. Ultimately, for things to work, you need to be as versatile with your emotions as you are with your sphincter muscle. Resentment, distrust and endless conflict are the inevitable results of a complete unwillingness to accept responsibility for your behaviour.
Only you can salvage something from the scrapyard that was once your legendary love affair. But that takes a willingness to accept your faults. If you’re continually slinging mud at one another – and it’s always him who is in the wrong – then you may well have too many miles on the clock. Adjust your gears, oil your crankshaft or seriously think about ending a relationship.
Are you both heading in the same direction? Navigating the tumultuous highways of love takes effort. Think about what you both wanted when you first got together. Are you still driving towards the same goals? Before ending a relationship, you need to have a candid talk about where you’re at – and how your priorities may have shifted.
Interests, ideological preferences, dreams, politics, metal or rubber double-ended dildos… Are too many of your likes out of sync? Ignore disagreements at your peril: they are the red flags that indicate you should pause and review your needs.
If sex goes stale, it's probably time to ask some serious questions.
When the sex goes off, ending the relationship inevitably becomes a serious consideration. Tough questions must be asked: Is the sex you’re getting what you want and need? Are your sex drives no longer compatible?
But the good news: there are things you can do. Explore new kinks and fetishes. Why not reignite the flame that once was by embarking upon a mutually agreed journey into utter filth and depravity? Or open things up, if need be (but be wary: if everything else is fundamentally wrong, chucking in a spare part ain’t gonna repair a pulverised piston.)
And by ‘fun’, no, we don’t mean that omnipresent puerile euphemism on gay hook-up apps which means pile-driving some random local loose bucket just because you’re horny and any hole’s the goal. We’re talking about fun as in joy. As in excitement. As in being daring. As in really living your life together and creating completely wacky experiences which neither of you will ever forget.
Where has the spontaneity and quest for adventure gone? The thrill of surprise? The humanity that's found in laughter? When you find yourselves rationing enjoyment with the same enthusiasm with which you count the carbs, the prospect of ending a relationship fast becomes the only sensible option.
Ending a relationship becomes essential when it becomes toxic. Psychological abuse creeps up on you. At first, you may not realise your self-esteem is being ripped to pieces day after day. But the cumulative effects can make you feel worthless.
Too many people avoid ending a relationship because they feel trapped. They fear what lies ahead: the great unknown. But the infinite possibilities of life alone (at least temporarily) far outweigh the rancid stench of an affair gone sour.
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