Choosing the right person to date applies, of course, to everyone. No one’s got time to waste on some tedious himbo. You need to establish, right from the start, that there’s some common ground.
But for a bisexual, this is arguably even more important. Your bullshit detector needs to be firing on all cylinders. You need and deserve someone who is not going to patronise you or fit you into some tight little box (no, not that one) just to reinforce their ludicrous preconceptions on sexuality. And you most definitely are not there to entertain the “my man’s drilled girls too, so I’ve got a proper straight bloke” fantasies. Jog right on!
Perhaps the first challenge that a bisexual faces when on a date is how and when to come out as bisexual – or, indeed, if they should come out at all. The big reveal starts with your online profile. You are, of course, under no obligation to state your sexual preference then – or even later, in person.
It’s a dilemma that gay men dating other gay men don’t face. Given the stigma that bisexuals still come across (see below), it’s no wonder that some people may not choose to come out on a first date. There are no rules: it’s about whatever works for you – and every dating situation and vibe is different.
But if you choose not to come out further along the line when dating someone, does that mean you’re ashamed of being bisexual? Time to ask yourself some tough questions. If you feel uncomfortable talking about your orientation with a new partner, then that could be a warning sign that things aren’t as they should be.
Ultimately, it's your responsibility to be proud of who you are. Integrity is everything. Never apologise or start justifying your bisexuality to a new date - or, indeed, anyone. If people are going to judge you, then that’s their problem, not yours.
Great dating is all about feeling comfortable and at ease, whoever it's with.
Ok, so you decide to be open from the start and come out as bisexual to the hot guy across the table. And then, inevitably it seems, come the questions: do you prefer men to women? How many women have you had sex with? Who gives you multiple, screaming orgasms? Etc…
One of the biggest bisexual dating challenges is the barrage of questions you face – or fear facing from a new partner. These questions are frequently by turns dull, inappropriate, laughable, predictable, prying and sometimes just plain old-fashioned insulting. And you, of course, are expected to sit there, grin and bear, and resist emptying your dinner date's lasagne into their lap.
What are your experiences of bisexual dating? Whether you’re gay or bi, share your stories and tips here.
The questions that you’ll be asked will scream of stereotypes. Bisexuals are greedy; bisexuals are confused; bisexuals are untrustworthy, and there’s double the chance of you cheating on your new lover. Yes, you’ve heard it all before.
You’ll learn very quickly whether the guy or girl you’re with is a judgmental moron or not. There are some things which you should not, under any circumstances, tolerate: being told that you’re going through a phase is the first. If you hear this do, by all means, drop that lasagne in his or her lap. The second is being oh so confidently informed by the infinitely gorgeous but also insanely egotistical and brain-dead queen you’ve just met, that it is completely within his powers to turn you 100% gay. ‘Manslaughter’ comes to mind.
Great dating is all about feeling comfortable: feeling at ease with the person you’re with and also the setting you’re in. If you get the double whammy, the sparks will fly. Don’t rush into your date. Take time to get to know him (which will help you face challenge 1) – and then carefully decide where you’re going to go on your date.
Crucially, the venue decision needs to be mutual. If you’re a bisexual guy about to meet a gay guy, then a Diana Ross drag act and Sunday show tunes extravaganza is probably not the most circumspect of choices. Your date should understand and respect this. Cast your net further than the gay scene. There are plenty of queer and bi+ spaces out there. Get exploring.
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